Calcifer Quotes in Howl's Moving Castle (2004)
Old Sophie: All right Calcifer, let's get cooking.
Calcifer: I don't cook! I'm a scary and powerful fire demon!
[after Sofi puts a pan and bacon on Calcifer]
Calcifer: Here's another curse for you - may all your bacon burn.
Howl: This war is terrible, they bomb from the southern coast to the northern border. It's all in flames now.
Calcifer: I can't stand the fire and gunpowder. Those dopey guys have absolutely no manners.
Howl: My own kind attacked me today.
Calcifer: Who? The Witch of the Wastes?
Howl: No, some hack wizards who turned themselves into monsters for the king.
Calcifer: Those wizards are going to regret doing that. They'll never change back into humans.
Howl: After the war, they won't recall they ever were human.
Young Sophie: They say that the best blaze burns brightest, when circumstances are at their worst.
Calcifer: Yeah, but no-one really believes that. Come on, let's be honest.
Howl: The Witch of the Waste and Madame Sulliman's dog at my table? What possessed you to let them in my house
Calcifer: I didn't let them in here! Sophie crash landed her plane into my face!
Old Sophie: Hmph!
Howl: I knew she'd make a great pilot!
Howl: [Quietly amused] Calcifer? You're being so obedient.
Calcifer: Not on purpose! She bullied me!
Howl: Not just anybody can do that.
[Looks at Sophie]
Howl: And you are... who?
Old Sophie: Er, You can just call me Grandma Sophie. I'm your new cleaning lady. I just started work today.
Howl: Calcifer, move the castle sixty miles west.
Howl: And while you're at it, make hot water for my bath.
Calcifer: Fine, like moving the castle isn't hard enough!
Howl: You didn't have to come back, Calcifer.
Calcifer: Yeah, I kinda missed you guys, and it looks like it's gonna rain.
Young Sophie: I missed you too, Calcifer.
Calcifer: You shouldn't keep flying around like that. Soon you won't be able to turn back into a human.
Young Sophie: Calcifer.
Calcifer: Sophie, I'm so tired.
Young Sophie: If I give Howl back his heart, what will happen to you?
Calcifer: I'll be okay if you do it, I think. I mean, you dumped water on me and Howl and we both survived.
Young Sophie: I'd better try then.
Old Sophie: Are you the one moving this castle?
Calcifer: Of course I am! No one else does any work around here.
[Sophie removes Calcifer from the hearth]
Calcifer: No, No, No! Don't do this! Help! Help! Crazy lady with the shovel! If you kick me out that door, the castle could collapse!
Young Sophie: Good!
Old Sophie: Do you know what Madame Suliman said? She said that Howl's heart was stolen by a demon. Tell me now, what do you know?
Calcifer: I'm so sorry but that would be confidential information.
Howl: Markl, make sure the cleaning lady doesn't get carried away while I'm gone.
Markl: Sophie, what did you do now?
Calcifer: She almost smothered me! If I die, Howl dies too, I hope you know.
Howl: I'm tired, make some hot water for my bath.
Calcifer: Not again!
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