Caitlin Bree Quotes in Clerks (1994)

Randal Graves: Hey, you know, you and I have something in common - we both eat Chinese.

Caitlin Bree: Dick.

Randal Graves: Exactly.

Dante Hicks: It wasn't me.

Caitlin Bree: [scoffs] Yeah, right. What was it, then? Randal?

Dante Hicks: [to Randal] Was it you?

Randal Graves: I was up here the whole time.

Caitlin Bree: You two better quit it.

Dante Hicks: I'm serious.

Caitlin Bree: Oh, so, we didn't just have sex in the bathroom?

Dante Hicks: No.

Caitlin Bree: Stop it. This isn't funny.

Dante Hicks: I'm not fooling around. I just came in from outside.

Caitlin Bree: This isn't fucking funny, Dante!

Dante Hicks: I'm not kidding!

[to Randal]

Dante Hicks: Who went back there?

Randal Graves: Nobody, I swear!

Caitlin Bree: I feel nauseous.

Dante Hicks: Are you sure there was someone back there?

Caitlin Bree: Well, I didn't just fuck myself! Jesus Christ! God, I'm gonna be sick!

Randal Graves: You just fucked a total stranger?

Dante Hicks: Shut the fuck up!

Caitlin Bree: I can't believe this.

Dante Hicks: Call the police!

Caitlin Bree: No, don't!

Randal Graves: Why?

Dante Hicks: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom and he just raped Caitlin!

Randal Graves: She said she did all the work.

Dante Hicks: Will you shut the fuck up! Who the fuck's in our bathroom?

[Randall is watching hermaphroditic porn]

Caitlin Bree: What are you watching?

Randal Graves: Children's programming.

Caitlin Bree: Can I use your bathroom?

Randal Graves: Sure. But there's no lights back there.

Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights?

Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night.

Caitlin Bree: You're kidding. Why?

Randal Graves: Nobody can figure it out. The boss doesn't wanna pay the electrician to fix it, 'cause the electrician owes money to the video store.

Caitlin Bree: Such a sordid state of affairs.

Randal Graves: And I'm caught in the middle - torn between my loyalty for the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.

Caitlin Bree: Well, I'll try to manage.

Randal Graves: Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.

Caitlin Bree: You are very protective of him, Randal. You always have been.

Randal Graves: Territoriality. He was mine first.

Caitlin Bree: Oh, that was so cute.

Caitlin Bree: I'm offering you my body and you're offering me semantics.

Randal Graves: What'd your mom say when you told her you weren't engaged anymore?

Caitlin Bree: She said not to come home until after graduation.

Randal Graves: Wow, you got thrown out for Dante?

Caitlin Bree: What can I say? He does weird things to me.

Randal Graves: Ooh, can I watch?

Caitlin Bree: You can hold me down.

Randal Graves: Can I join in?

Caitlin Bree: You might be let down. I'm not a hermaphrodite.

Randal Graves: Hey, few are.

Caitlin Bree: ''Wreck'' is a harsh term.

Dante Hicks: ''Disturbed'' is more like it. ''Mildly disturbed,'' even.

Caitlin Bree: Oh, l love a macho facade. lt is such a turn-on.

[a happy and satistifed looking Caitlin exits from the back room and walks toward the front of the store where Dante and Randal are and she looks confused to see Dante there]

Caitlin Bree: How did you get here so fast?

Dante Hicks: What do you mean? I left my home like an hour ago.

Caitlin Bree: Do you always talk this weird after you violate a woman?

[both Dante and Randal look at each other confused]

Randal Graves: Maybe that Asian design major ex-fiancee of hers sliped her some opium.

Dante Hicks: Could be.