Bystander Quotes in Road to Morocco (1942)

[after Mullay Kasim rides through town with his men yelling and firing their rifles in the air]

Jeff Peters: Say fuzzy, who is that headstrong impetuous boy?

Bystander: He is Mullay Kasim, the Desert Sheik.

Turkey Jackson: What'd he come to town for, a manicure?

Bystander: Oh, he loves the Princess Shalmar of Karameesh. He has come here to ask her to marry him.

Jeff Peters: I'd hate to be around when he comes for a divorce!

Bystander: [punning on "State of the Art" to describe Burt's 1920 Indian Scout motorbike] Straight out of the Ark.

Burt Munro: Don't be so cheeky.

Alyssa: I remember those guys used to come over to my house almost everyday after school. They'd bug my sisters, look through my dad's closet for porno tapes, raid the fridge. They really took advantage of my parents never being home. This one day, Rick pulled his dick out and started chasing me around the house with it! Right in front of Cohee, man! I couldn't believe it!

Holden: Rick pulled his dick out? Really? What did you do?

Alyssa: [yells] I blew him while Cohee fucked me!

Holden: Excuse me?

Alyssa: That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? That's what this little cross-examination of yours is all about? God! Well, next time, try not to make it so obvious, alright? There's subtler ways of badgering a witness! Am I right?

Bystander: Jeez, man. Even I knew what you were getting at.

Alyssa: If you wanted some background information on me, Holden, all you had to do was ask. I would have gladly volunteered it. You didn't have to go playing Hercule-fucking-Poirot!

Bystander: [to his friend] I told you these were good seats!

[Kyle runs into back of a guy's car and a crowd gathers]

Driver: Didn't you see the stop sign?

Kyle Davidson: That's my song!

Driver: Well, that's my car!

Kyle Davidson: That's my song playing on the radio!

Driver: You wrote that song?

Kyle Davidson: Yeah!

Bystander: You're a better songwriter than you are a driver.

Kyle Davidson: That's my song!

Bystander: That song's all right.

Kyle Davidson: Kinda makes ya wanna pat your foot, doesn't it?

Bystander: You shoulda patted the brake one time.

Kyle Davidson: That's my song!

Bystander: You got two hits in one day!

Mitch: I've never seen so many dead hookers in all my life!

Bystander: Lord knows I have.

Smitty - News Vendor: Paper, Gov'nor? Prime Minister makes a deal with Hitler. Read all about, Sir.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: No flowers?

Smitty - News Vendor: Flowers, Sir?

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Yes, flowers. Big ones. Rest in Peace. They're customary at times like these, aren't they?

Smitty - News Vendor: I see what you mean, Sir. 'Tis a blasted shame, innit? Wing Commander, Sir?

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Yes.

Smitty - News Vendor: 'Was in the last one me-self, Sir. Sergeant-Major.

[gesturing towards his missing arm]

Smitty - News Vendor: Left it at Wipers.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Don't you ever wonder why?

Smitty - News Vendor: That I does, Sir. What good did it do? Same old fuss all over again. Only this time, we're acting like a pack of frightened schoolboys.

bystander: Paper! Great news, what?

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: [sarcastically] Oh, yes, indeed. Wonderful news.

Smitty - News Vendor: What this country needs is a bit of waking up.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Will this cover your papers?

[he tenders some money]

Smitty - News Vendor: Why, yes, Sir but what er...

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Alright Sergeant-Major, let's try waking them up.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: [holding the poster 'Peace in Our Time' in one hand and the bundle of papers in the other] Here you are, ladies and gentlemen, the latest edition. Read all about the shame of England. Prime Minister surrenders to the Gangster of Munich.

bystander: Disgraceful, Sir. And you in a uniform too!

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Extra, extra! All about the great magician. Hitler makes mice out of Englishmen. Runs another bluff on Prime Minister. All about it. Great nation's cowardice astonishes world.

policeman: 'Ere, 'ere, what''s all this?

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Take one, officer, read about the death of an old friend of yours, England.

policeman: Now see, 'ere, Sir, you'll create no disturbance in this neighbourhood. If it's criticism of the Government you want to voice, you'll kindly go to Hyde Park.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: I'm afraid you don't follow me, officer. This isn't a criticism, it's a denouncement.

policeman: Then you do your denouncing somewhere else. Now get away from here before I run you both in.

Wing Cmdr. Keith Wilson: Come on Sergeant-Major, I'll buy you another drink.

Smitty - News Vendor: Another drink? Another drink will make it an even one!