Butch Quotes in Cats & Dogs (2001)

Butch: Son of my mom!

Lou: I think that if I'm going to be a secret agent, I should have a better name. I was thinking, "Toto Annihilation".

Peek: Nah, he's a pro wrestler. Sorry, that name's taken.

Lou: Alright then, "Doom Machine" it is!

Butch: Hey! You can call yourself Squicky the Spacedog for all I care, but that doesn't make you behind a rocket pack. You are not an agent.

Lou: You should've fought for me; for my family.

Butch: Why? What good would it do?

Lou: What about man's best friend? History 101, remember?

Butch: Okay, well, here's lesson number two: we help them. We work for them. We tolerate that stupid boochy-boochy baby talk crap. And for WHAT? So that when they go off to college, they can dump you off with some old lady who can't throw a ball without so much as breaking her HIP!

Lou: Is that it, then? You're gonna blame my family for what some boy did to you?

Butch: Look, kid, I'm sorry it played out like this, but it's over. We're shut down.

The Mastiff: Control here.

Butch: We've got a serious problem.

Mr. Tinkles: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow. How many dogs does it take to over throw mankind? Just one stupid puppy.

Lou: Where is my family?

Mr. Tinkles: Oh they're alive, for now, but it won't matter, you see I've-

[the limousine swerves all over the road Mr Tinkles hits the left side of the limousine]

Mr. Tinkles: Oh my. This isn't NASCAR you idiot.

[Clears throat]

Mr. Tinkles: I have seized the formula, and in mere hours I will I'll reverse it, giving me the power to make all humans allergic to dogs.

Butch: What?

[the limousine swerves again]

Mr. Tinkles: How am supposed to gloat gleefully when you're driving like a chimpanzee? I mean really?

[Clears throat]

Mr. Tinkles: Now I will make all of humanity violently allergic to your regit kind, and with you all hated and despised by those you protect, you will be cast out, leaving me to lead all of cat kind in the glorious revolution to conquer the world!

[laughs evilly]

Lou: What will we do?

Butch: "We"? You just handed the world back to the cats and doomed the human race forever. There is nothing left to do.

Ivy, the Female Alley Dog: You always give up to easy Butch.

Butch: Is that what I think it is?

Lou: What Butch?

Ivy, the Female Alley Dog: Yep, it's the cat tracker 2000.

Mr. Tinkles: [the Scene changes The limousine is driving back to the factory with the professor's Formula] Those fleabags must be running for the hills.

[Chuckles]

Calico: Yeah I- yeah that's what I was thinking.

Butch: Okay, what do we got?

Peek: It's a kitten, A Russian blue!

Sam: And a number 2 and sector three.

Lou: Was she crazy? That steamer was bigger than me.

Butch: Nice work kid, You're sitting this one out. Sam, let me know when she leaves.

Sam: I don't see her.

Lou: But I was framed that cat. wait up, I want to help.

Sam: [Mrs Brody opens the front door and sees Peek and Sam] Look out human, sector four.

Peek: Human!, quick Sam, sniff my but.

Mrs. Mom Brody: Alright Break, it up! Break it up! Break it up!.

Peek: Cold nose!

Sam: Cold nose! Let's go.

Butch: Alright agent, let's meet the team.

Lou: Agent whoa.

Butch: Kid, look over there, that's Peek.

Lou: Peek? I don't get it.

Butch: Peek, show yourself.

[Peek appears from a man hole in a circle see through like tube under a bin]

Lou: Huh? oh my god!

Butch: Peek's early warning, He's got it all, Radar, sonar, thermo-imaging, odor-matrix. He can detect a non-residential cat from three blocks away.

Peek: Hi guys.

Butch: Peek, fall in.

Peek: Roger that.

Butch: Sam what's your twenty?

Sam: 1/18 of a kick east, I'm going to backtrack using a delta approach in three... two... one.

[Sam moves from bush to bush]

Peek: Hi guys. Oh no not again.

Sam: Where am I?

[Sam then rolls over to half way of the road]

Butch: Over here Sam.

[Sam then meets up with the others]

Sam: Request, permission to pant, heavily, sir

Butch: Granted. Boys I want you to meet, Lou.

Peek: Hey louie

Sam: Hey Lou

Peek: Human!

[as the the jogger jogs past she sees Butch near a fire hydrant, Peek digging in the ground and Sam holding a newspaper in his mouth]

Butch: Anyway, Lou here taking Buddy's spot in the hot seat, but Being fresh from the academy, he's current on the newest techniques, ain't you Lou?

Lou: Err, Hey guys, do you know this one? Here I go, here I go, I got ya, oh I just missed ya.

[Lou chases his tail]

Butch: Holy Chihuahua.

Butch: How could this happen?

The Mastiff: It was a accident, he broke through.

Butch: You promised me a professional. And what do I get? A puppy!. And he's still got, you know whats for crying out loud!

The Mastiff: There's no time Butch. The puppy stays. End of discussion, out.

Lou: [Lou has been taken outside my Scotty] Okay, here's the plan: Get off this patio. Get back to the barn. Get a better pitchfork huh?

[Lou sees A bone with balloons floating to the ground]

Lou: cool...

[He walks up to the bone once it landed about to torch it when he is interrupted by Butch]

Butch: I wouldn't do that, if I were you.

Lou: Huh? what?

Butch: I like you're spirit kid. But do me a favor and step back.

Lou: Hey wait, that's my best...

[Lou steps back and Butch kicks a stick to the bone causing it to explode]

Lou: Bone!.

Butch: Now, that would've been the shortest assignment in history.

[walks off]

Lou: Whoa... Hey where you're going?

Butch: I guess HQ don't train you guys, like they used too...

Lou: Training? Hey, hey. Who exactly are you?

Butch: Names, Butch. What stupid name did the bipeds saddle you with? Spot? Fifi? Rover?

Lou: Lou...

Butch: -god, forbid. Oh, Lou? sorry.

Lou: Is that kid always so grumpy? Maybe they should switch his food.

[laughs]

Butch: Yeah, humans can get a bit emotional. You get used to it, come on.

[Lou and Butch walk into a dog house. Butch presses a red button which makes devices come out of the walls]

Lou: Huh? Where's that coming from? whoa... cool...

Butch: What? It's standard equipment. You got you're EC-three vid-phone, research archive database, cipher charts, Snausages.

Lou: [lou sees a big red button] Hey what's this?

Butch: Heel! That's the big button. You don't just press, the big button Jeez...

Lou: Sorry.

Butch: Just, try to remember you're training

[Butch sighs]

Butch: Let's get started. Here's the skinny: Your new master's a scientist. He's been working for a few years now. He's been working on a cure for dog allergies. It's a big deal, because if no one in the world was allergic to dogs. We have the advantage. This was your predecessor: Agent: AIKA Buddy. He was catnapped, about a mouth ago. Wasn't on top of his game, so he had to retire. He got a nice condo in Boca, huh! lucky dog. Anyway you're here to replace him, and to keep the cats away from the formula. Can't let them, near that... Now come on.

Lester: Are we gonna rob 'em or we gonna fuck 'em?

Butch: What difference does it make?

Lester: [snorting cocaine] You want some of this?

Butch: Man, I don't stick nothing up my nose unless it's two legs wrapped around my neck.

Lester: More for me...

Butch: Team, huddle up.

Diggs: It's go time.

Catherine: Save the dogs, save the world.

Butch: First thing to do, get on top of that ride.

Seamus: Yes! Wait is there a height requirement for this ride?

Diggs: Alright team, we got work to do.

Butch: You're not going anywhere.

Diggs: What? Why not?

Butch: Because you don't have your new collar... Agent.

Seamus: Go ahead with you bad self, Bling!

Lou: You guys ready to do this?

Catherine: Work with a bunch of dogs again? How could I say no.

Seamus: Absolutely! Wait we're talking about lunch right?

Diggs: Alright team, Lets go kick some tail.

Butch: Diggs, you ruined everything. first you let the pigeon carrier, then you almost drowned us in kitty-litter. And now you let the MacDougalls escape.

Diggs: Well I-I didn't blow up the ferry I mean that's something

Butch: I had it with you, you're un-trainable, I told Lou you didn't had what it takes to be a agent, and I was right.

Diggs: What are you saying?

Butch: I'm saying go home Diggs. You're off this team.

Seamus: Umm I don't want to be rude but, the bird's still all good right?

Butch: Come on Seamus we got work to do. What about you?

Catherine: I'll umm, I catch up with you, I need to check-in with MEOWS first.

Butch: Suit you're self.

Seamus: Good luck dong.

[Butch and Seamus walk away]

Diggs: You know, you don't have to pretend to check-in with MEOWS so you can just thank me for saving you're life.

Catherine: Err I do have to check-in with MEOWS.

Diggs: Oh err right

Catherine: But I'll um I also have to thank you for saving my life.

[Looks at Diggs's hurt paw]

Catherine: Hey you're hurt.

Diggs: Nah, I'm fine.

Catherine: Well too bad tough guy, you're coming with me to get patched up.

Diggs: Huh?

Calico: Okay, Okay! Look I don't know where Kitty is but, I can tell you this, for months now Kitty has been stealing technology from like NASA, or the pentagon, oh you should of seen what she got from Mr windows. Now I'm just the middle cat, I take the porridge, give them to Pigeon carriers and they fly them to a secret location.

Butch: which is where?

Calico: How should I know it's a secret!

Catherine: Hmm, Sounds like she's building something.

Butch: But what?

Catherine: Ahh, who could understand the mind of a crazy old cat?

Calico: I know!

Diggs: Wait what? You know what she's building?

Calico: No, I know a crazy old cat. haha!

Butch: Where could Kitty be hiding that satellite dish.

Catherine: It must be huge, you can't just hide something like that.

Diggs: Hey wait a second, that ride, it looks kinda like a.

Catherine: It sure does.

Butch: It's huge

Seamus: What? All I see is a giant satellite disk looking, ohhh.

Nurse: [on the phone] Well somebody's pullin' your leg deary. No one dies on this floor unless they check in with me first. You can bet your liver I'll look into it!

[hangs up]

Nurse: Butch! Charlie! Let's go.

Butch: What the hell she up to now?

Charlie: Eh, she's gonna labotomize some poor sucker.

Butch: Who knows, in this loony bin anything can happen

[from trailer]

Butch: If you ain't scared, you ain't alive.

Butch: I got a job for you.

Arlo: I'm not really good at jobs...

Butch: I need you to keep on the dodge and sidle up the loblolly, past them horn-heads, just hootin' and hollerin' and score off them rustlers. We'll cut dirt and get the bulge on 'em.

Arlo: What?

Ramsey: He just wants you to get on that rock and scream.

Arlo: Uh... But who's out there?

Butch: They'll come right at ya. You hold your ground. Don't move.

Arlo: Don't move? What if they have claws and big teeth?

Butch: Don't overthink it.

Butch: When's the last time we beat you up?

Alfalfa: Well, let's see... today's the 10th, 30 days hath September, April, June, and November. It's not a leap year... yyyesterday.

Butch: You're due!

Butch: Any last words?

Alfalfa: [waves nervously] Yeah, uh... see ya!

George "Spanky" McFarland: [during the Go-Cart Derby] You snot wads stole our racer!

Butch: Finders keepers, losers suck!

Alfalfa: Ahhh - bite me!

Alfalfa: Look!

[Butch and Woim look to their rights, then Alfalfa runs away very fast]

Woim: I don't see nothin'.

Butch: Come on, you doink!

[they get out of the go-cart and chase after Alfalfa]

Butch: I think this guy's been drinking vodka.

Carl Quigley: I have not! I don't drink! Seriously, I don't!

Biderman: [after breaking into the Waters' house] Looks like no one's home.

Carl Quigley: Shut up, Wienerman!

Biderman: Biderman.

Carl Quigley: Where is he?

Butch: I don't know, but he might be down the street at Mr. Macintosh's. That's his boss.

Carl Quigley: Macintosh. Come on!

Juice: You know, I do like what they have done with this color.

Butch: What's she looking at? She acts like she's never seen a man before.

Queen Lara: She hasn't. Have you, Alpha-Beta?

Alpha Beta: No, My Queen. What are men good for?

Butch: I'm pretty good in the backseat of a Studebaker...

Butch: I never thought I'd be miserable surrounded by beautiful dames.

Capt. Nelson: Cut the gags, Butch, we're in enough trouble...

Butch: [takes deep breath on the moon] Ahhh... good ol' H2O!

Judy Canfield: Girls, isn't he handsome? You know, you know some people do things like that for other people and other people do things like that for some people and I think you should do it. Don't you?

Butch: Well, why don't you come in and get the meat sometime?

Judy Canfield: Oh, I will!

Butch: Get outta here!

Groucho: Say, have you got a girl up in that hayloft?

Butch: No!

Groucho: Then you're a bigger fool than I thought you were.

Butch: Keep outta this loft!

Chico: Well, its better to have loft and lost, but never to have lofted at all.

Groucho: Nice work.

Cheesecake: Call it.

Butch: Heads.

Cheesecake: Tails. That makes ME King of Siam.

[after Butch saves Marsellus from rapists]

Butch: You okay?

Marsellus: Naw man. I'm pretty fuckin' far from okay.

Butch: What now?

Marsellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' niggers, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.

Butch: I meant what now between me and you?

Marsellus: Oh, that what now. I tell you what now between me and you. There is no me and you. Not no more.

Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?

Butch: It's a chopper, baby.

Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?

Butch: It's Zed's.

Fabienne: Who's Zed?

Butch: Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

Esmeralda: What is your name?

Butch: Butch.

Esmeralda: What does it mean?

Butch: I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean shit.

Fabienne: I was looking at myself in the mirror.

Butch: Uh-huh?

Fabienne: I wish I had a pot.

Butch: You were lookin' in the mirror and you wish you had some pot?

Fabienne: A pot. A pot belly. Pot bellies are sexy.

Butch: Well you should be happy, 'cause you do.

Fabienne: Shut up, Fatso! I don't have a pot! I have a bit of a tummy, like Madonna when she did "Lucky Star," it's not the same thing.

Butch: I didn't realize there was a difference between a tummy and a pot belly.

Fabienne: The difference is huge.

Butch: You want me to have a pot?

Fabienne: No. Pot bellies make a man look either oafish, or like a gorilla. But on a woman, a pot belly is very sexy. The rest of you is normal. Normal face, normal legs, normal hips, normal ass, but with a big, perfectly round pot belly. If I had one, I'd wear a tee-shirt two sizes too small to accentuate it.

Butch: You think guys would find that attractive?

Fabienne: I don't give a damn what men find attractive. It's unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same.

[Butch comes up beside Vincent at the bar]

Butch: You lookin at something, friend?

Vincent: You ain't my friend, Palooka.

Butch: What's that?

Vincent: I think you heard me just fine, Punchy.

Butch: So we cool?

Marsellus: Yeah, we cool. Two things. Don't tell nobody about this. This shit is between me, you, and Mr. Soon-To-Be-Living-The-Rest-of-His-Short-Ass-Life-In-Agonizing-Pain Rapist here. It ain't nobody else's business. Two: you leave town tonight, right now. And when you're gone, you stay gone, or you be gone. You lost all your L.A. privileges. Deal?

Butch: Deal.

Marsellus: Get your ass out of here.

Butch: I think I cracked a rib.

Fabienne: Giving me oral pleasure?

Butch: No, retard, from the fight.

Butch: I'll be back before you can say Blueberry pie.

Fabienne: Blueberry pie.

Butch: Okay, maybe not that fast. But pretty fast, alright?

Butch: Where's my watch?

Fabienne: It's there.

Butch: No it's not.

Fabienne: It should be.

Butch: Yes, it most definitely should be but it's not here now, so where the fuck is it?

Butch: [driving back to his apartment after Fabienne forgot to get his watch]

[shouts]

Butch: Shit! Of all the fucking things she could forget, she forgets my father's watch!

[normal voice]

Butch: I specifically reminded her - bedside table! On the Kangaroo! I said the words, "Don't forget my father's watch."

Maynard: [Butch runs into Maynard's pawn shop being chased by Marsellus] Can I help you with somethin'?

Butch: Shut the fuck up!

Maynard: Hey you just wait a god damn minute now! What the fuck you up to?

Butch: [Marsellus enters, Butch wrestle him to the floor then starts to punch him] Come here motherfucker! Feel that sting, big boy? That's pride fucking with you! Gotta fight through that shit!

Marsellus: You better kill me!

Butch: [Brings up a gun] Yeah, somebody gonna get killed. SOMEBODY GONNA GET THEIR FUCKING HEAD BLOWN OFF!

Maynard: [Points a shotgun at them] Hold it right there, goddammit!

Butch: It's none of your business, mister!

Maynard: I'm making it my business. Toss the weapon.

Butch: You don't understand, man!

Maynard: Toss the weapon.

Maynard: [Butch throws the gun away] Get yer foot of the nigger, put yer hands behind yer head and spproach the counter right now.

Maynard: [Hits Butch with the shotgun then makes a call] Zed? It's Maynard. Yeah, spider just caught a couple of flies.

Fabienne: Where's my Honda?

Butch: Sorry, baby, but I had to crash that Honda.

Butch: That's how you're gonna beat 'em, Butch. They keep underestimating you.

Butch: How was your breakfast?

Fabienne: It was good...

Butch: Did you get the pancakes, the blueberry pancakes?

Fabienne: No, no, they didn't have blueberry pancakes, I had to get buttermilk - are you sure you're okay?

Butch: Honey, since I left you, this has been without a doubt the single weirdest fucking day of my life! Come on, hop on - I'll tell you all about it.

Butch: Did you bring the watch?

Fabienne: I believe so.

Butch: You believe so? You "believe" so? What the fuck does that mean? You either did, or you didn't!

Fabienne: Then I did.

Butch: Are you sure?

Fabienne: [shakes her head] No...

[a pause]

Butch: [explodes into a rampage] Fuck! Motherfucking shit! Do you fucking know how fucking stupid you are? Shit! Fuck!

[he calms down just as quickly and suddenly as he started]

Butch: It's not your fault.

Butch: I think I have a broken rib.

Fabienne: From giving me oral pleasure?

Marsellus: In the fifth, your ass goes down. Say it.

Butch: In the fifth, my ass goes down.

Esmeralda: [driving while Butch is in the back changing his clothes] You killed the other boxing man.

Butch: [stops and looks at her] He's dead?

Esmeralda: The radio said he was dead.

Butch: [silent for a second or two and then resumes changing, muttering] Sorry about that, Floyd.

Butch: Will you hand me a towel, Miss Beautiful Tulip?

Fabienne: Ah, I like that. I like tulip. Tulip is much better than mongoloid.

Dist. Atty. Kerman: Was there a floor show that night at the bar?

Butch: There was a dame - a lady.

Dist. Atty. Kerman: Was the lady a blonde or brunette?

Butch: You think I was looking at her hair?

Butch: I don't like sneaky people doing sneaky shit behind my back.

Meakin: I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but we have a system here.

Butch: Fuck your system. Today's my way.

Max: Eating's like making love, man. It's a ritual, you know? You got your appetizer. I sniff... deeply into her scalp and grab onto her firm-but-voluptuous hips, nibble just ever so gently on the earlobe. I mean, girls, they go wild for that.

Butch: Why don't you just skip the appetizer and go straight to the main course?

Max: Well, what is the main course?

Butch: Main course: you bust a nut, she bounces; play video games, do whatever the fuck you want and then you go to sleep.

Max: You're an animal, you know that? You disgust me.

Butch: Let's fuckin' go, man!

Margo Cutter: I don't understand how anyone could think this would be remotely funny. That poor girl told me she wanted to go him, and I convinced her to stay thank she'd make friends eventually.

Butch: Well, she'll recover. That's just what kids do. It's a tradition.

Margo Cutter: Well, tradition sucks.

Butch: I was just telling Bonnie here that she needs a real man to take care of her.

Howie: Well, she's got real man!

Butch: No, there's only one real man here, and I can't see him, 'cause I don't have a mirror.

Janie: Good night, Ma.

Ma: Good night, dear. Did you have a good time?

Janie: Swell. - - Good night, Pop.

Pop: Have a good time?

Janie: Swell.

Butch: What'd you see?

Janie: The one at The Strand.

Butch: Any good?

Janie: Swell.

Butch: She gets more and more adolescent every day.

Pop: Are you gonna tell us who this guy is? Where'd you meet him?

Janie: Downtown.

Pop: How'd you meet him?

Janie: I just met him, that's all. He drove me home.

Butch: He picked her up.

Pop: Is that what happened? Did he pick you up?

Janie: No. I picked him up.

Butch: Holy cow! All this excitement about a millionaire.

Butch: [referring to her gown] If your fans don't explode when you walk into that premiere tonight, I'll tear it to pieces!

Mona Marshall: Do you really think so, Butch?

Butch: I want a pair of very, very high-heeled jeweled sandals!

Miss Jones aka Jonesy: What are you gonna wear 'em with?

Whammo Lonsdale: [three musicians, in jail for aiding a foreigner's entrance in the country to help her singing career, are reading about her marriage in the newspaper] And to think, she started wid' us. We give her her first break.

Laughing Boy Frank: And now, we're takin' the rap for it.

Whammo Lonsdale: Yeah, she's been playin' us for suckers all along. She's been engaged for six months.

Butch: [in typical form, Butch always resorts to his unconventional political views] And to a financier, which proves that at heart, all women are capitalists.