Burton White Quotes in Soapdish (1991)

[Reading unrehearsed lines off the TelePrompTer]

Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Dr. Randall, what a surprise! Are you having lunch here?

Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] I will if it's that sample. Huh... I wish it was that simple.

Edmund Edwards: [offstage] This guy never heard of contact lenses?

Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] The test results have come back.

Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] And?

Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] And I'm afraid the results are very disturbing. It seems that Angelique has a rare case of brake fluid...

[pause]

Jeffrey Anderson: Bran... fluid. Bran flavor.

Burton White: What the hell?

David Barnes: [offstage] Brain fever!

Edmund Edwards: [offstage, loudly] Say it!

Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Brain fever!

Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Yes. Brain fever. Or what we call in Austria...

[they both goggle at the word]

Jeffrey Anderson: Kopfgeschlagen. At the current rate of inflation, her brain will laterally explore the...

Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Literally explode?

Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Exactly, within the next three houses.

Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Hours?

Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Yes, will literally explode within next three hours. I would suggest leaving the restraint.

Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Restaurant?

Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Restaurant, yes.

Celeste Talbert: [as Maggie] Her brain will actually explode?

Jeffrey Anderson: [as Dr. Randall] Yes, yes, I've, um, seen it happen. It's a dreadful, dreadful thug. Thing.

Betsy Faye Sharon: She came in yesterday. I don't know who the hell she is. Her name is Naven, Maven, Slaven... Claven... there's no agent.

David Barnes: Find her.

Betsy Faye Sharon: Well, what if she can't act?

Burton White: That never stopped us before!

[Barnes snaps his fingers]

Betsy Faye Sharon: What?

David Barnes: [snap, snap, snap, snap, snap] We make her mute!

Burton White: What?

David Barnes: If she doesn't speak, we don't have to pay her as much. A homeless deaf-mute: what could be more pathetic? God, I'm good.

Burton White: [watching the live episode unfold] At last, DRAMA!

[Jeffrey is about to prepare the brain transplant]

Lori Craven: MOTHER!

[Celeste sits up]

Lori Craven: No, I can't let you do this!

Burton White: She spoke?

Jeffrey Anderson: She spoke!

Montana Moorehead: Sudden speech, the last stages of brain fever! She can blow up any moment!

Lori Craven: I can always speak! Mother...

Montana Moorehead: She's MY mother!

Celeste Talbert: MONTANA, SHUT UP!