Burt Quotes in Rio Bravo (1959)

Burt: [about three dead would-be assassins] Oh, Senor Chance, what do you wish me to do with these three dead men?

John T. Chance: Well, you're the undertaker, Burt - bury 'em. Another one down by the bridge, send in your bill and the county will pay you.

Burt: No need for that, each one of them had two new fifty dollar gold pieces in his pocket.

John T. Chance: [pensively] Price is going up.

Burt: I want him, I want his balls!

Travis Brickley: Yeah, I thought you were missing a pair, asshole!

Claire Tourneur: If I knew where he was, I would be with him; I would be making love with him! Why did I say that?

Burt: It's the sodium pentathol I put in your drink. It's a truth drug.

Claire Tourneur: That's all right. I've given you five sleeping pills myself.

Burt: Oh you bitch. Waiter! Coffee...

[slumps]

Irv: [taking out car part] Hey, Burt, what the hell is this?

Burt: Oh, I don't know, about seven hundred bucks, Irv?

Stanley Ipkiss: I'm here for the Civic.

Irv: The brake drums are shot and you need a new transmission.

Stanley Ipkiss: What? All I wanted was an oil change!

Burt: Well, you're lucky we caught these problems now before they cause you some serious trouble.

Salvatore: [during Mary's marriage ceremony to Massimo, he objects] No. No!

Dottie: Oh, thank God!

Burt: Oh, hell, I object too!

Burt: [Mary asks Steve to dance and Steve says no] A girl asks you to dance, you dance

Salvatore: But Massimo said you announced your engagement.

Mary: I never said that.

Burt: See, I told you Miss Mo was full of crap.

Salvatore: Not Miss Mo. Massimo. Massimo.

Burt: A girl asks you to dance: you dance.

Tank: [after Dustin's eyebrow has been buzzed off] We can fix this right?

Burt: Oh sure, why don't we just pop back into my DeLorean.

Ronny Valentine: I'd like to make a toast, to Burt and Sue. Wow, 50 years. I'd like to think that something that got you through those 50 years is a little friend I'd like to call honesty.

Burt: And love.

Ronny Valentine: Yes, that, which I think goes along with love.

Cousin Betty: And similar interests.

Ronny Valentine: Excuse me, who are you?

Cousin Betty: I'm Cousin Betty.

Ronny Valentine: First?

Cousin Betty: Second.

Ronny Valentine: You see, that doesn't really qualify. Someone can have sex with their second cousin and the kid would still be fine. You can't hide from the truth because it will come back.

Burt: Do you care even about the holocaust, or do you think it never happened?

Harry Block: Not only do I know that we lost 6 million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken

Burt: Well, what you starin' at, bitch?

Old Woman Shopper: You're robbing the store, young man! And I'm telling the Manager.

Burt: Yeah, you do that. Old wrinkled, honky motherfucker. Telling on me... Well, what she think this is, Junior High?

Burt: Ain't good for the image, Fred. You looked too god damn comfortable! people ain't gonna pity you no more!

Fred: I don't know how I managed to look comfortable. Fuckin'Wizzy planted his foot halfway up my ass.

Burt: Oh, well, he was just plantin' corn. Get it? Corn... his foot! In yo' ass! Ha ha! Hey, where's your sense of humor, boy?

Fred: I lost it when Wizzy kicked me in the ass!

Store Manager: [Arrives with the old lady] Excuse me, sir...

Burt: Well, hey! What'd you say brother! Hey look, can you tell me when this here product expires?

Store Manager: I'd like to know what you're doing with all that chicken in your pants.

Burt: Say what?

Store Manager: You heard me.

Burt: Well yeah I heard you, but I don't understand. Because it's clear to me that what I'm doing is shopping.

Store Manager: This lady said that you were taking food out of the display cases and stuffing it down your pants and that certainly seems to be the case to me. Are you planning on paying for this food?

Burt: No I ain't planning to paying for it, because I alreay purchased it!

[Shows the clerk a coupon that was dropped outside]

Store Manager: This is all dog food on this list and that's chicken comming out of your pants!

Burt: Say what? Let me see that...

[Reads the coupon]

Burt: I don't see no dog food!

Store Manager: That's what the abbreviation stands for.

Burt: Well, shit! That ain't my problem brother! Can't help it if your cashiers see dog food for chicken!

Store Manager: Look, why don't you come with me and we'll get to the bottom of this situation.

Burt: Come with you? Whatcha mean?

[Pointing to old woman]

Burt: Now this old honky skin, white, snitch-ass mother fucker tells you something and you say "Come with me!" Now you're taking her word over mine! Now that's descrimination. Now why don't you just pull down your pants so we can all see the lilly white paint on your Hatian black ass?

Store Manager: Look, you can come with me now, or I'll get the security.

Burt: Hey, now you're talking bro! I'm gonna report you to your superiors!

Burt: Wanna have a little sex?

Nan: You know, I've never hung up on anyone in my life. Because what if the next thing they said solved everything? But I feel I must end this conversation.

Burt: That's "no"? Hello...?

Burt: Aw, Milly. You wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my life with a bubble-gum addict. Would you, Milly?

Milly: Sorry, I goofed!

Burt: You "goofed?" Hey, man, that's "Bop" talk! Where did you ever pick that up?

Milly: Well, why shouldn't I pick up an expression here and there? I'm not THAT old!

[after meeting Milly's landlady, Liz, who is sporting a garishly "loud" Hawaiian-type, floral shirt]

Burt: Who's the character?

Milly: [smiles] Liz Eckhardt. She's the manager.

Burt: Is she always dressed for Halloween? In the middle of the summer?

Milly: [laughs] That happens to be one of her most conservative outfits!

Christine Delaplane: I need a job.

Burt: And I need a topless dancer.

Ida: Ugh. Why don't you knock it off?

[leaves]

Burt: I suppose you've done some of that too?

Christine Delaplane: I can dance.

Burt: You sure need a job bad enough to... make me guess you ain't got sleeping money for the night. Maybe not enough to pay for that sandwich.

Christine Delaplane: You're not gonna give me that job?

Burt: Well, I don't know. I think I might look around a while. I just put that sign out. I gotta admit, you've got the rough qualifications for the job.

Christine Delaplane: [hopeful] Can I have that job?

Burt: Well, no, you come back tonight, and bring something to... audition in.

[fishes bill out of pocket, hands her money]

Burt: Loan.

[takes newspaper, and walks off just like that, waving at her]

Christine Delaplane: [innocently staring after him like a child] Thank you.

Burt: [girls' dressing room, to the dancer in the red feather boa] Hey, you're on next.

Christine Delaplane: How do I look?

Burt: [not one for small talk] As soon as you're through, I wanna talk to you here. I'll meet you in here.

Christine Delaplane: Aren't you gonna watch?

Burt: I can hear how good you're doing.

Stripper with Pasties: [coming from the stage, her show over] Crazy bunch out there.

Burt: Now you follow her.

[Christine looks at the girl that just came in]

Burt: The one on your left.

Burt: [schedule for dancers] Twenty minutes on, one hour off, that's when you wait on tables. Six nights a week, 12 noon to 4 AM.

Christine Delaplane: I think I should go home.

Burt: You're going to be all right. Trust me. You got a job, a good job. And I got a feeling... you're gonna be real good at it.

[leans in to kiss her as she pulls all the way back]

Burt: you're gonna be real, real good at it.

Christine Delaplane: [pushes him away] I'm dancing. I'm gonna be real good at dancing. And it's dancing alone!

Burt: [scoffs] You'll come around.

[turns to leave]

Burt: Beats hustling.

[Burt is angrily cutting through grass with his machete after Katie shot him in a game of paintball]

Burt: Dumb broad! She tricked me! God, they're gonna laugh for months! She should've stayed in the kitchen where she belongs! A woman shouldn't be allowed in these games! It's not a game; it's life!

[Jason grabs and rips off Burt's arm as he raises it, sending him flying into a tree. Jason quizzically stares at Burt's torn-off arm - still holding his machete - that he has in his hand]

Burt: Any religion without love and compassion is false! It's a lie!

Burt: [about the Bible] What, did you rewrite the whole thing, or just the parts that don't suit your needs?

Burt: What's going on here?

Richard 'Amos' Deigan: My passage. It is my birthday.

Burt: You've got a pretty sick way of celebrating, pal!

[last lines]

Burt: She's out cold. What are going to do now?

Vicky: Send her a get well card from Seattle. Let's get the hell out of here!

Vicky: Is he...

Burt: Oh, yeah.

Vicky: What are you going to do when you catch them?

Burt: Ask them for directions, what else?

Burt: Don't ever show up in my emergency room, buddy!

Burt: Hi, we've had an -

[gets cut off]

Diehl: I ain't got no gas.

Burt: No, I don't need gas.

Diehl: Ain't got no diesel fuel neither.

Burt: No, you -

[cut off again]

Diehl: Don't buy no gas you can't use no restroom.

Burt: Your telephone.

Diehl: Telephone! I ain't got no telephone.

Diehl: [dog barks] Sarge! You be still now.

Diehl: [sees blood on car] Mister, what you wanna do is to go to Hemmingford. It's about 19 miles down that right fork there.

Burt: What about Gatlin?

Diehl: Gatlin! There ain't nothin' in Gatlin.

Burt: What do you mean there ain't nothin' in Gatlin?

Diehl: Well, folks in Gatlin's got a religion. They don't like outsiders, and they probably don't have a phone there either.

Diehl: [dog barks again] Sarge! I said AT EASE!

Diehl: Mister, I'd love to sit here and shoot the breeze with you about politics and stuff, but I got a transmission to fix. Now you get on the right fork there and you'll be in Hemmingford in no time.

Burt: OK.

[walks back to car]

Burt: Yeah thanks alot.

Burt: [sitting in car, to Vicki] Either that man's senile, or he's been out in the sun too long.