Buck Russell Quotes in Uncle Buck (1989)

Buck Russell: I don't think I want to know a six-year-old who isn't a dreamer, or a sillyheart. And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. I don't have a college degree. I don't even have a job. But I know a good kid when I see one. Because they're ALL good kids, until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good. You so much as scowl at my niece, or any other kid in this school, and I hear about it, and I'm coming looking for you!

[of Anita's mole]

Buck Russell: Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.

[at a meeting with the assistant principal, who's got a big unsightly growth on her face]

Anita: I'm Anita Hoargarth.

Buck Russell: [Staring at it] I'm Buck Melanoma. Moley Russell's wart. Not her wart. Not her wart! I'm... I'm the wart. She's my tumor. My... my growth. My... uh, my pimple. I'm Uncle Wart. Just old Buck "Wart" Russell. That's what they call me, or Melanoma Head. They'll call me that. "Melanoma Head's coming." I'm s... uncle! Maisy Russell's uncle!

Buck Russell: Do you think she hates me?

Maisy Russell: With a passion.

Buck Russell: Really? Do you think it's the hat?

Maisy Russell: No.

Buck Russell: No? A lot of people hate this hat. It angers a lot of people, just the sight of it. Ah, I'll tell you a story about that on the way to school.

[Miles is gawking at his birthday breakfast]

Buck Russell: You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door.

Tia Russell: Are you crazy?

Buck Russell: I can be.

Tia Russell: You could have taken his head off!

Buck Russell: Yeah, but would he notice?

Buck Russell: How many times a day does the dog eat?

Cindy Russell: How many times do you think?

Buck Russell: I don't know, four or five.

Cindy Russell: He eats once a day.

Buck Russell: [dancing to Young MC's "Bust a Move"] Hey, nice music! Who is that, the Grass Roots? Just kidding, I know my music!

Buck Russell: [On the way to his brother's] Oh boy, those kids. I haven't seen those kids in a while. Tia's gotta be nine. Nine, maybe ten. Oh boy. And the two new ones. They're uh Larry and uh. Larry and uh. Uh Betsy. Betsy, uh Jennifer. Jennifer. Larry and Jennifer. Oh boy.

Buck Russell: [inquiring about the health of Bob's father-in-law] Her dad?

Bob Russell: Hard to say.

Buck Russell: Oh, those medical terms eh?