Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman Quotes in Evolution (2001)

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: I didn't know you were coming to see the show, sir.

Governor Lewis: Well, you damn well better make it a good one, Sergeant!

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: That's General.

Governor Lewis: Not if you screw this up.

Dr. Allison Reed: Your Honor, if the Court would allow me to depose Dr. Kane?

Ira Kane: Depose *me*?

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: Oh, we think your past is very relevant, Doctor Kane. These issues speak directly to his competence as a scientist.

Ira Kane: Dr. Kane, you were a top-level researcher at USAMRIID from '94 to '97, were you not?

Dr. Allison Reed: Yes, that's correct.

Ira Kane: And you were summarily dismissed in the summer of 1997. Any idea why?

Ira Kane: My services were no longer required?

Ira Kane: Uh-huh. So, in your opinion, your firing had nothing to do with an experimental anthrax vaccine that you developed and administered to nearly 140,000 U.S. soldiers in May of that year?

Dr. Allison Reed: [leans in and whispers, smiling] I see where you're going with this.

[louder]

Dr. Allison Reed: It may have been a factor, you'd have to ask the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Ira Kane: I'll make a note to do that. But for now, can you tell me what happened to the soldiers who were inoculated with your vaccine?

Ira Kane: Well, uh, none of them got anthrax, if that's what you're asking.

Dr. Allison Reed: What did they get?

Ira Kane: Um, well, as with any new vaccine, there were certain side effects associated with it.

Dr. Allison Reed: Could you be more specific?

Ira Kane: Well, it was a wide range of things, it's very technical, I'd hate to waste the court's time getting into it right now.

Dr. Allison Reed: Humor me.

Ira Kane: Some debilitating stomach cramps... severe diarrhea... memory loss.

Dr. Allison Reed: Yes? Go on. Any more symptoms?

[Harry is looking mortified and shocked at the defense table]

Ira Kane: Partial facial paralysis, temporary blindness, drooling, bleeding gums, erectile dysfunction, uncontrollable flatulence. I think that's it.

Dr. Allison Reed: One more question. Do you happen to remember what the soldiers called this illness, Doctor Kane?

Ira Kane: Yeah. They called it "The Kane Madness."

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: No need to play the blame game here, Allison. No harm, no foul. Suffice it to say that we're all very appreciative of the discovery made by Dr. Kane and Mr. Black...

Harry Block: Block!

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: We evacuate, make it safe, and then we burn the alien menace right the hell out of there.

Dr. Allison Reed: With what?

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: With napalm. Lots and lots of napalm.

Ira Kane: Napalm? Why don't you just nuke 'em while you're at it?

Col. Flemming: [with an eager grin] What about nukes?

[Woodman starts thinking about it]

Governor Lewis: Pull your horns in there, boys! Nobody's dropping an H-bomb on my state!

[after having Ira and Harry thrown out of the base]

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: Don't you have work to do?

Dr. Allison Reed: You are such an asshole!

[She storms off]

Col. Flemming: You know, when a woman expresses anger, it's often because she...

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: Shut up.

[In the courtroom]

Judge Guilder: Dr. Kane, are you asking me to bar the Federal Government from involvement in a discovery as significant as this one?

Ira Kane: No, no, no. Not at all. We're asking you to make sure that the local scientists who actually made the discovery continue to play a significant role.

Harry Block: They kept us out for almost two weeks! And we put our lives on the line to find these little guys, Your Majesty! We just want to be there for them, as they grow up.

[He accidentally slaps Kane in the face, as though knowing Kane was going to correct him to say "Your Honor."]

Ira Kane: We were the first team at the meteor site, and all the initial testing was done in our lab, Judge.

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: The facilities at Glen Canyon Community College are jokes.

Judge Guilder: They weren't a joke when I went there, General.

[the General looks shifty-eyed and embarrassed]