Bridget Quotes in Trolls (2016)

King Gristle: And what might your name be?

Bridget: Uhh...

Biggie: Lady!

Guy Diamond: Glitter!

Smidge: Sparkle!

Branch: Seriously?

Bridget: Lady Glitter Sparkle Seriously.

Bridget: I can't believe something like that would just happen? And it just DID! I'm so happy I could just scream! Aaaaah aaah.

Poppy: I could scream too! Creek is alive!

Poppy, Chenille, Cooper, Biggie, Guy Diamond, Smidge, DJ Suki, Satin: [scream happily]

Branch: [screams hoarsely]

Cooper: *That's* your happy shout?

Branch: It's been a while.

Bridget: How do we steer? Who knows how to steer? None of us. We're animals. GREAT!

Bridget: [to Nigel] You need a good sports bra.

Benny: [after being confronted by a pack of wildebeest] Don't panic, I'm in charge here.

Bridget: That's why we're panicking!

Gerald: Do these belts come in any other color?

Bridget: Black or pink?

Gerald: Uh, we'll take black.

Bridget: Who touched my button?

Arnold, Gerald: [smiling in a slightly perverse way] ME! ME!

Bridget: This is America! We have free speech! We can say "cat" here! Cat, cat, cat, and double-cat!

Bridget: Honest John, he's lost his family. By any chance, do you know the Mousekewitzes?

Honest John: Oh... Hmm. Are they registered to vo - Hic! - ote?

Bridget: They just got off the boat.

Honest John: Sorry, don't know them yet.

Bridget: [watching Fievel reunite with his family; giggling gleefully] It's so lovely to see a family together...

Tony Toponi: Hey, Ain't anybody thanking me?

Bridget: [amourous] Oh, thank you!

[Grabs Tony and kisses him on the cheek]

Tony Toponi: [love-strucked] Ah-uh...

[Tony and Bridget fall in to the water in their embrace]

Bridget: [after listening to her "double cat" speech, the crowd around her suffragette hat pulpit, slowly but gradually leave; leaving Bridget stunned and in distress; unbeknownst to her, Tony is right behind her hiding a flower behind his back]

[distressed; calling to the dispersing crowd]

Bridget: But... Wait! Why don't you all listen to me? I thought...

[She turns to leave in tears, only to sees Tony chivalrously kneeling down on one knee; holding out the flower for her. Now overcome with love, Bridget makes eye contact with the love-stricken Tony]

Bridget: [romantically] I think we should handle these... ca... ca...

Tony Toponi: [love-sick] aht... ahhh...

Bridget: [camera zooms in on Bridget's beautiful face and eyes; flirtatiously] Cats...

Tony Toponi: [chuckling love-sickly] Heh... heh...

[Fievel, annoyed by Tony's dazed state, tugs him by the scarf, only to trip and fall; leading Tony to snap back towards Bridget; causing them to kiss their first kiss; neon hearts bloom around the two mice as they kiss]

Bridget: Rock rock! Rock rock!

Jean-Bob: She's calling a rock! We're doomed!

Bridget: To watch a strong man broken down is a terrible thing.

Jack: We could be so good for each other. 97%.

Bridget: On paper. But falling in love doesn't happen on paper. Sometimes you love a person because of all the reasons they're not like you. And sometimes you love a person just because they feel like home.

Bridget: What if it's not yours?

Mark: Then I'll love him anyway. Just as I love you. Just the way you were, the way you are, the way you always will be.

Dr. Rawlings: Bridget, how do you want to do this? Epidural?

Jack: No, you can do this. A positive mental attitude is stronger than any drug. Just think away the pain.

Bridget: Bollocks to that. No, I want everything. Gas, air, injections, morphine.

Jack: Bridget, remember your yoga.

Bridget: Fuck yoga!

Dr. Rawlings: Oh, I couldn't agree with you more. It's supposed to relax one, but I just spend the entire time clenching my sphincter in an effort not to fart.

Bridget: Daniel was a man who touched many of us here today, including me.

[murmuring among the crowd]

Bridget: Oh, dear. This is when Daniel would say, "Shut up, Jones." And he would be right because all I really need to say is, um, dear Daniel, I will miss you terribly. We all will.

Bridget: We thought it would be really fun to get a photo of us backstage among all these glamorous people. I think that's the guy from Bargain Hunt. It'd be great if you could get him in the shot. Quick, quick, quick!

Ed Sheeran: [holding their phone to take the photo] So you don't want me in the photo at all?

Miranda: Oh, God. You can lose the attitude, babes. Is it really that difficult?

[Taking Bridget by the arm and turning away]

Miranda: God. They let any old riff-raff backstage nowadays.

Bridget: I don't know. I thought he was kind of cute. But he looks familiar. I think he works at the Starbucks in Balham!

Mark: I don't suppose you happen to have a cigarette?

Bridget: No. Gave up 1,891 days ago.

Mark: Not that you're counting.

Bridget: Since when did you smoke?

Mark: I don't. It's been a tense time. Maybe I'm nervous.

Mark: She's gone back to The Hague, where she's now living and I'm not.

Bridget: Oh, I'm so sorry, Mark.

Mark: Right at this precise moment, I'm not sorry at all.

Bridget: [voice over] Can't go back and keep making same mistakes. Must keep moving forward and make new ones.

Bridget: What about the first scan? Would that show when conception took place?

Dr. Rawlings: No. Ring this number and fix a date. And do bring along the father if you can work out which one he is.

Dr. Rawlings: I do recommend that you have the anmiocentesis because there are always more risks with a geriatric mother.

Bridget: Geriatric? That's outrageous.

Dr. Rawlings: Indeed.

Bridget: Unless you can sign on for your child support and pension at the same time.

Bridget: I don't know how to, uh, explain. Um... I'm pregnant.

Jack: Wow. Okay. That's so much better than you being mentally unbalanced.

Bridget: Really sorry, Dad. Not to know about the father.

Dad: Don't be daft. I know dozens of people who could have been anybody's.

Bridget: So, you're not disappointed? You don't think I belong on Jerry Springer?

Dad: Not a bit. I'm thrilled. Actually, I'm not sure if you're mine, or that nice Lieutenant Colonel's who ran the bowls club.

Bridget: Hm.

Dad: Only joking. You're got my feet. I've always had very dainty feet.

Bridget: What if it's not yours?

Jack: What?

Bridget: What if the baby turns out to be Mark's?

Jack: Well, I mean, it would certainly change things.

Bridget: I would not have let you do that on a second date.

Jack: Why not? You let me on the first.

Jack: Are you in love with him?

Bridget: I have been. In the past.

Jack: And me?

Bridget: I could be on day.

Bridget: His death seems to have hit the Eastern European modeling community particularly hard.

Bridget: Nice memorial, as memorials go. Almost makes one look forward to one's own.

Bridget: Twice in the space of a week, I turn up at church as rent-a-spinster.

Shazzer: Oh, God! You didn't use those? The vegan condoms?

Bridget: "Biodegradable and dolphin-friendly." If I'm going to be slutty, it's nice to think I'm helping the environment.

Vivian: Bridge? He's not really my uncle.

Bridget: They never are dear.

Carmen: [voiceover] It would be easy to say that the pants changed everything that summer. But looking back now I feel like our lives changed because they had to, and that the real magic of the pants was in bearing witness to all of this and in somehow holding us together when it felt like nothing would ever be the same again.

[pause]

Carmen: Some things never would be

Lena: But we know now that no matter how far we traveled on our own separate paths...

Bridget: Somehow we would always find out way back to each other.

Tibby: And with that, we could get through anything.

Bridget: To us. Who we were, and who we are. And who we'll be.

Tibby: To the pants.

Lena: And the sisterhood.

Carmen: And this moment, and the rest of our lives.

Carmen, Lena, Bridget, Tibby: Together and apart.

Bridget: Single-minded till the point of recklessness.

[in a letter to Lena]

Bridget: It happened just how I always imagined it would. So why do I feel this way, Lena? How can something that's supposed to make you feel so complete end up leaving you so empty? I just wish so much I could talk to my mom. I need her. And that scares me.

Lena: Rule #7: Any removal of the pants must be done by the wearer herself.

[looks at Bridget]

Lena: [Bridget pretends to be offenced]

Lena: [laughs] Yes, you!

Bridget, Tibby: [laughing] Touche!

Bridget: Wear them. They'll make you brave.

Carmen: Is it fair to bribe the driver to turn around and go back home?

Bridget: Oh yeah, with what money? Cause Tibby is the only one of us working this summer.

Tibby: Hey, hey, hey. I actually stacked my last shelf at Wallmans, thank you very much.

Lena: Congratulations!

Bridget: Does this mean there's gonna be a ceremonial burning of the smock?

Tibby: No, actually, Duncan took the smock, but I do have my nametag.

Bridget: Can we burn it?

[they all laugh]

Lena: Hey, how did your suckumentary turn out?

Tibby: Uh... uh... well, it actually evolved into something quite different than I expected, so...

Bridget: What are you gonna call it?

Tibby: [thinking for a minute] Hmmmm... Bailey.

[Tibby smiles and looks to Carmen, who smiles back approvingly]

Bridget: [excitedly] Oh my God, Lena!

Lena: [holding a picture of her and Kostas fishing] I know, isn't he gorgeous?

Bridget: I was referring to you holding a fish!

Bridget: Don't you know that all the beaches in Greece are nude?

Lena: *What?*

[Lena knocks over a sales rack]

[Tibby is trying on a piercing]

Carmen: [to Bridget] Hey, hey! Pierce alert.

[points towards Tibby]

Bridget: [goes to Tibby] Nah-ah, young lady! No more holes for you!

Tibby: Hey, do you know who would have loved this P, Bee? Your mom.

Bridget: Yeah. I remember this one time she decided that she'd make one herself. She always woke up starving after one of her episodes. I was just sitting in the kitchen doing my homework and she just walked in and just started making this thing. You know, I don't even know if you could call it a pizza. It was more like the entire contents of our refrigerator on a round crust.

[They all laugh]

Bridget: Craziest part is we actually ate it.

Carmen: Of course you did.

[Tibby laughs]

Bridget: We ate every single bit of that pizza in like 10 minutes.

Tibby: Yeah.

Bridget: And we were laughing the whole time. It was great. I remember thinking that maybe there won't be any more bad spells. Maybe she'll just be happy like this forever.

Carmen: It's okay to miss her, Bee. I mean, as hard as it is to be sad about it don't you think maybe it's harder not to be?

Bridget: [Crying] You don't understand.

Tibby: [long pause] Bridge...

Bridget: I can't. It hurts too much.

Carmen: I know.

Bridget: No, you don't know. I just want to feel good and happy and alive. Because if I feel alive then it doesn't seem like she's dead. And if I'm not sad then it proves that I'm not like her.

Carmen: Bee, you don't have to prove that to anybody. I mean, you have a strength in you that your mom never had. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't find it.

Tibby: Yeah, and you have something else too.

Bridget: What?

Tibby: You have us. And we're not gonna let you go anywhere, okay?

Bridget: Thank you.

Carmen: Come here.

[Carmen hugs Bridget and Tibby holds her hand]

Bridget: Wait a minute... nice boys don't kiss like that.

Mark Darcy: Oh, yes, they fucking do.

Bridget: It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.

Bridget: Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse.

[From the UK release]

[answering phone]

Bridget: Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mum... Hi.

Bridget: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant... After all, it's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are just... full of crap.

Mark Darcy: Yes, I know that. I was just buying you a new one.

Mark Darcy: Bridget!

Bridget: Mark... What are you doing here?

Mark Darcy: I was just wondering if you were available for Bar Mitzvahs and Christenings in addition to Ruby Weddings.

Bridget: I thought you were in America.

Mark Darcy: Well I was... but I realized I had forgotten something here.

Bridget: Which was...?

Mark Darcy: Well, I realized that I had forgotten to... kiss you goodbye, do you mind?

Bridget: Umm... not really, no. So... does this mean you're *not* going to America?

Mark Darcy: No... not.

Bridget: Does this mean you're staying here?

Mark Darcy: It would seem so...

Mark Darcy: [notices her friends cheering] Friends of yours?

Bridget: Oh, haha... never seen them before in my life.

Bridget: You once said you liked me just as I am and I just wanted to say likewise. I mean there are stupid things your mum buys you, tonight's another... classic. You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing in every situation and I seriously believe that you should rethink the length of your sideburns. But, you're a nice man and I like you. If you wanted to pop by some time that might be nice... more than nice.

Mark Darcy: Right, crikey.

Bridget: Did I really run round your lawn naked?

Mark Darcy: Oh, yes. You were four and I was eight.

Bridget: Well, that's a pretty big age difference. It's quite pervy really.

Mark Darcy: Yes, I like to think so.

Mark Darcy: I like you, very much.

Bridget: Ah, apart from the smoking and the drinking, the vulgar mother and... ah, the verbal diarrhea.

Mark Darcy: No, I like you very much. Just as you are.

Daniel Cleaver: Come on Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you then I can't make it with anyone.

Bridget: That's not a good enough offer for me.

Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?

Bridget: [to herself] Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around.

[to herself]

Bridget: Maybe not.

Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?

Bridget: Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark is a top barrister. Comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua is one of my work colleagues.

Richard Finch: Why do you wanna work on television?

Bridget: I've got to leave my job because I shagged my boss.

Richard Finch: Fair enough. Start on Monday.

Bridget: I owe you an apology about Daniel. He said you ran off with his fiancée and left him brokenhearted.

Mark Darcy: No, it was the other way around. My wife. My heart.

Daniel Cleaver: Now these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress. And, um, these are, fuck me, absolutely enormous panties.

Bridget: Jesus. Fuck.

Daniel Cleaver: No, no. Don't apologize. I like them. Hello, Mummy.

[they kiss]

Daniel Cleaver: I'm sorry, I have to have another look. They're too good to be true.

Bridget: No...

Daniel Cleaver: They're nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm wearing something similar myself.

Bridget: Are you staying at your parents for New Years?

Mark Darcy: Yes. You?

Bridget: Ah, no. Was at a party in London last night, I'm afraid I'm a bit hungover.

[nervous laugh]

Bridget: Wish I could be home with my head in a toilet like all normal people...

[pause]

Bridget: ...ah! New Year's Resolution: drink less... and quit smoking... and quit talking total nonsense to strangers... actually, quit talking, full stop.

[awkward silence]

Mark Darcy: Yes. Well. Perhaps it's time to eat.

Bridget: [to Cosmo and Woney] Tell me, is it one in four marriages that end in divorce these days, or one in three?

Mark Darcy: One in three.

[regarding the blue soup]

Bridget: How's it look?

Mark: Uh, great. It's, um, blue.

Bridget: Blue?

Mark: No, but, blue is good. If you ask me there isn't enough blue food.

Bridget: Oh, shit! It must be the string.

Mark: Oh, it's string soup?

[Bridget glimpses Mark for the first time]

Bridget: Perhaps this is the mysterious Mr. Right I have been waiting my whole life to meet.

[sees reindeer sweater]

Bridget: Maybe not.

Bridget: This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.

Bridget: Daniel, what you just did is actually illegal in several countries.

Daniel Cleaver: That is one of the reasons that I'm so thrilled to be living in Britain today.

Bridget: Here is the man we like to call Mr., uh,

[to herself]

Bridget: Titspervert. Titspervert.

[to audience]

Bridget: Fitzherbert. Because... that is his name.

Bridget: [as Una Alconberry] No, Pam. Besides, the gravy needs sieving.

Mark Darcy: [as Pamela Jones] Surely not, just stir it Una.

Jude: Just as you are? Not thinner? Not cleverer? Not with slightly bigger breasts or slightly smaller nose?

Bridget: No.

Shazzer: Well, fuck me.

Tom: This is someone you hate right?

Bridget: Yes, yes, I hate him.

Bridget: What are we going to do about this dinner, then?

Mark: We have blue soup to start, orange pudding to end, and, well, for a main course you have, uh, congealed green gunge.

Bridget: Look, are you and Cosmo in on this together? Because every time I see you, you seem to go out of your way to make me feel like a *complete* idiot. And you really needn't bother: I already feel like an idiot most of the time anyway - with or without the fireman's pole.

Bridget: [narrating ] Great. I was wearing a carpet.

Bridget: [referring to Darcy's and Cleaver's bad relationship] That's why you always acted so strangely around him, and beat him to a pulp quite rightly.

[awkward pause]

Bridget: Well done.

Interviewer: What do you think about the El Nino phenomenon?

Bridget: It's a blip. Latin music's on its way out.

[From the trailer]

[answering phone]

Bridget: Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Dad... Hi.

Daniel Cleaver: First, have some more wine, and then tell me the story about practicing French kissing with the art girls at school, because it's a very good story.

Bridget: It wasn't French kissing.

Daniel Cleaver: Don't care, make it up. That's an order, Jones.

Tom: Whose side are we on?

Shazzer: Mark's, of course. He never dumped Bridget for some naked American.

Bridget: But he did shag Daniel's fiancée and left him broken-hearted.

Tom: You're right, it's a tough one to call.

Bridget: So what do you think of the situation in Chechnya?

Daniel Cleaver: I couldn't give a fuck, Jones.

Pam Jones: [to Bridget on 'phone] I must say the sex is still quite surprising. Do you know just the other day I was just dozing off and I felt this huge...

Bridget: Bye mum.

[replaces receiver]

Bridget: Ugh.

Bridget: [rummaging through her fridge] Where the fuck's the fucking tuna?

[imitating her line on TV]

Bridget: This is Bridget Jones, with Sit Up Britain, searching for tuna.

Bridget: Now, I'll go home and... de-bunny.

Bridget: Apparently, I used to run round naked in his paddling pool.

Daniel Cleaver: I bet you did, you dirty bitch.

Shazzer: Look, are you coming to fucking Paris or not?

Bridget: Um, not.

Shazzer: No fucking room, anyway.

Bridget: Resolution #1: Uggg - will obviously lose 20 lbs. #2: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important: will find nice sensible boyfriend and stop forming romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, sexaholics, commitment-phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits, or perverts. Will especially stop fantasizing about a particular person who embodies all these things.

Bridget: [voiceover] Resolution number one: obviously, will lose twenty pounds. Number two: will find nice sensible boyfriend and not continue to form romantic attachments to alcoholics, workaholics, peeping-toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts.

Shazzer: Fuck 'em. Fuck the lot of 'em. Tell 'em they can stick fucking Leevis up their fucking asses.

Bridget: [narrating] Shazzer. Journalist. Likes to say "fuck."

Bridget: [fight enters Greek restaurant] No, no, no, no, no, no!

Tom: Oh, yes!

Bridget: I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan.

Bridget: My mum, a strange creature from the time when pickles on toothpicks were still the height of sophistication.

Bridget: Have bottom size of Brazil.

Shazzer: Introduce people with thoughtful details. Such as: "Sheila, this is Daniel. Daniel, this is Sheila. Sheila enjoys horse-riding and comes from New Zealand. Daniel enjoys publishing and comes..."

Bridget: ...all over your face?

Bridget: [to carolers] Bugger off.

Bridget: The only thing worse than smug married couple; lots of smug married couples.

Shazzer: Exactly. I mean there's been all these bloody hints and stuff, but has he ever actually stuck his fucking tongue down your fucking throat?

Bridget: No. Not once!

Mark Darcy: That's not a sand piper, Bridget, it's a snowy plover.

Bridget: Sand pipers, plovers, albatrosses! Do I look like a bloody entomologist?

Mark Darcy: Ornithologist...

Molly: Never have I been thrown up against a wall and kissed hard.

Bridget: Never have I ever been turned down.

Bridget: Ugh, that's totally my thing!

Molly: What thing?

Bridget: Everyone has a thing that makes them attracted to someone else. Like, you straight girls are into holding doors and a hand on the small of your back.

Molly: Totally.

Bridget: That lip thing, that's... my thing.

Bridget: We don't flirt, girls find us.

Bridget: Mhmm. Tuesday.

Molly: So you call them days of the week?

Bridget: No... Well, yes. But Trip started that

Molly: Wait, but there are that many?

Bridget: No... sometimes.

Molly: I've never just dated, per say.

Bridget: I wouldn't necessarily call it dating.

Molly: What would you call it?

Bridget: Fucking?

Trip: Why do you think everyone is gay?

Bridget: I don't think everyone is gay.

Trip: Mmhmm.

Bridget: I don't think Chloe's gay.

Chloe: I have totally kissed a girl.

Bridget: Sweetheart, if I thought you were like a second gay, I'd be all up in it.

Chloe: Well now is your chance, Bridge. Wanna do me in the bathroom?

Bridget: Yes

Trip: Stop hitting on my girlfriend.

Bridget: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you allowed to do that? Didn't think so.

Trip: Asshole.

Bridget: Fucker.

Bridget: I don't really know if that proves that I'm more sensitive then all guys.

Molly: Stop saying that. You listen with your whole body and you have this intense eye contact. No guy, not even the best guys, have that.

Bridget: But I don't really feel like that's a gender thing, I feel like that's a personal thing.

Molly: You're SO wrong. Okay, uh, look at modern literature. All of the greatest female characters were written by woman because no man could ever write from a female's perspective. Women have this compassionate chemistry that allows them to listen with an unbiased ear. All woman, even you.

Trip: Stop fucking his girlfriend.

Bridget: I don't know what you're talking about.

[Chloe quietly enters Bridget's room while she is sleeping next to Molly]

Bridget: [whispering] What's going on?

Chloe: I'm sorry. I just gotta do a final sweep through of my stuff. I can't find my hair straightener.

Bridget: Well, I don't have anything in here.

Chloe: Why can't I look for it now?

Bridget: Well... I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Chloe: I'm sorry, I can be totally quiet.

Molly: [sits up in bed] Hey, what's going on?

[both Molly and Chloe gasp while Bridget looks mortified]

Chloe: Oh, my God. I knew it. I fucking knew it! You're an idiot. You know that?

Molly: It's all my fault.

Chloe: You're right. It is all your fault! You have a boyfriend, Molly! This is absurd! Please tell me that you were drunk last night.

[Molly does not reply]

Chloe: Oh, this is a sober brilliant idea! What is wrong with you? Great... this has been a wonderful morning. Whatever...

[picks up her hair straightener iron]

Chloe: Here it is. I gotta go. I'll see you later, Bridget. And Molly... just give me a call later when you get your head out of your ass!

Bridget: I can be both. I-I mean I can be. I can be the unreliable douche-schnozzle who grabs her ass in public and wears work boots, but I can be also be the one who holds doors for her, and tucks her in at night, and-and buys her fucking gerber daisies for no goddamn reason!

Chloe: I know you can.

Bridget: I'm gonna go kick his ass right now.

Chloe: N-n-n-no, no, no, no. Come on Bridge.

Bridget: I'm done with this!

Chloe: Don't say that.

Bridget: I just did. Did she go home with him?

Chloe: I don't know.

Bridget: Fuck!

Chloe: I don't think so.

Bridget: You fucking straight girls! You're all just a bunch of closet cases. Maybe we should all just date guys! Maybe I should I have a fucking boyfriend! My heart, is like on the floor right now. I wish a car would just come and hit me!

Chloe: You want me to hail a cab?

Bridget: No, I'm talkin' bus.

Chloe: Bye.

[as she leaves]

Chloe: .

Trip: Bye.

[groggy mumbling while brushing his teeth]

Trip: .

Hot Girl 1: Bye.

[Trip looks at the strange incredibly attractive girl picking her stuff and leaving]

Hot Girl 1: .

Trip: Naaaaa-ice.

[nodding his head in approval]

Trip: .

Bridget: Thank you.

The Leprechaun: What do you think of your bridal chamber?

Bridget: It... it's awful!

The Leprechaun: I know it lacks a woman's touch, but you'll change that.

Bridget: How did you know it wasn't me you gave the coin to before?

Cody: He kisses differently than you.

Bridget: [while Emily spreads a substance on Heather's face] What are you doing to her?

Dane: It's a special compound we made up. At first, she won't feel anything but a cold sensation, then a slight tingle, then a mild burn. Soon enough, it will begin to eat away at her flesh, dissolving it ever so slowly, in the most painful way imaginable, and she will become outside what she is on the inside: disgusting.

Bridget: I know you. I know who you are. You're that girl from school. Emily, is it?

Emily: [Removes her mask] Now I'm Emily.

Order Taker: [First lines] What can I get for ya?

Bridget: Just a burger and a drink, please.

Order Taker: How do you want that burger done?

[looks at Bridget for the first time]

Bridget: [softly] It doesn't matter.

Order Taker: Okay; that'll be...

[clears throat]

Order Taker: four bucks.

[looks at Bridget, who then gives her money with a hand with severed fingers]

Order Taker: You want that for here?

Bridget: [softly] No.

Order Taker: [calm] Okay, we'll bring that right out to ya.

[Bridget slowly turns and walks away with hands in her sweatshirt pockets, the cook and order taker staring at her and goes to sit, country-like music playing. People stare at her]

Boy in restaurant: [staring from seat] Mommy, why does that girl's face look like that?

Mother in restaurant: [turns to boy] Eat your food, honey.

Boy in restaurant: Did she get into an accident?

[looks to his mother for confirmation]

Mother in restaurant: Yes. Eat your food.

[eyes are shown staring at Bridget and her face is shown for the first time. She flips over the table]

Bridget: [screams hysterical] Stop looking at me! Stop looking at me!

[voice breaks and everyone in the restaurant is looking and listening to her]

Bridget: I know what I look like.

[crying]

Bridget: You think I chose to look like this; you think I chose this?

[runs sobbing; movie title appears]

Mamie: Oh God. Sometimes I wish I would just wake up dead.

Lana: Don't say that. We're going to have fun. Aren't we, Bridget?

Mamie: I don't remember the last time I had fun. Probably 18 years ago, before you were born.

Bridget: [who is a man in drag] Yeah we're gonna have fun, of course we're gonna have fun, it's gonna be a great time, and then after we're done seeing the sights, then we'll go out, we'll have a little dinner or something, and afterwards we'll go to a nice club, have a couple of drinks, do some dancing, maybe we'll meet some young guys, you know? That'd be nice, wouldn't it, huh? Some young hunks, some young beefcake, huh? Maybe we'll go home with one of 'em for the night, you know, maybe? Why not, I feel lucky tonight. It's been a long time since I been with a man, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, this could be my night. Yeah, after all, look at me, I'm a fabulous looking broad, huh? Yeah, with my beautiful hair and my pearls and my fantastic figure, huh? Yeah, it'll be nice.

Lana: You're so beautiful and glamorous, Bridget. You're so glamorous. You never have any trouble meeting men.

Mamie: I had a man once - Frank Gherkin. Oh god, he did me wrong. He took my love.

[walks out of the room]

Bridget: Don't pay any attention to your old lady. She's just bitter, all right? You and I, we're gonna pick up a couple of guys on this trip if it kills us, huh?

Lana: I wouldn't mind meeting a nice boy.

Mamie: [walks back into the room] Lana, are you bothering Bridget again?

Bridget: She's bugging the shit out of me!

Lana: No I'm not, I was just...

Mamie: How many times have I told you not to bother my friends? How many times must I tell you to stop bothering Bridget? How many mornings must I awaken to the searing pain of the reality of your existence?

Lana: I'm your daughter. That was rather mean.

Mamie: You suffocate any breeze of joy that could possibly waft through the shuttered windows of my soul.

Lana: Hey, that remark was pretty harsh.

Mamie: Your birth is the life sentence I receive for the crime of loving the wrong man. You are my warden, my jailor, my executioner.

Lana: Oh, now that one hurts me a great deal.

Bridget: What are we arguing about, girls? Let's go to the big city and have some fun, all right, eh?

Lana: Mom, wouldn't it be great if I met someone and fell in love on this trip?

Mamie: I think it would be wonderful if on this trip you fell into a hole... a very deep hole.

Lana: That was the kind of remark that I'm gonna have to work to get over.

Bridget: Hey, girls, we're in Chicago, I'm beautiful, fuggadaboutit.

Bridget: Hey handsome - couldn't help but notice you were standing here all by yourself, you know? Figured you could use a little company, huh? What do you say? Is there a chemistry between the two of us or am I crazy?

Martin: Somewhere, ten little dogs are crying.

Molly: [outside Wrigley Field] Do they play baseball here?

Satan: Yes.

Sam: Can I go on the field today?

Satan: I'm sorry, no.

Lana: What year was it built?

Satan: Uh, 19

[mumble mumble]

Satan: .

Bud: Is there a bathroom here?

Satan: Around the corner to the left - watch your butt.

Martin: Is there a game today?

Satan: There are 14 games today, all 28 major league teams will be in action, none of it will be taking place in this building.

Mamie: Do you have an emery board?

Satan: Yes.

[he pulls an emery board out of his shirt pocket]

Chuck: Do you prefer couches to armchairs?

Satan: Depends on what I'm doing. If I'm lounging with a book, I might.

Mr. Zodsworth: [while still aboard the bus] Didn't you once have a lizard?

Satan: Yes, and his name was 'Bubbles.'

Bridget: Yeah, do the Cubs need a new ballgirl?

Satan: I don't care.

Kenia: [Kenia has just walked in after Jenna finished having sex with Vincent and Sara with Bridget] You guys are a bunch of slut monkeys!

Vincent: Heard of knocking?

Kenia: Porter has already left. Kyle and Claire are probably waiting for us on the mountain. My car leaves in five minutes whether you guys wanna be in it or not.

Sara: Why don't you just relax and jump under the covers for a bit?

Kenia: I don't think Bridget would appreciate that very much.

Bridget: I don't really mind.

Vincent: I don't mind either.

Jenna: Hey!

Vincent: Just kidding.

Kenia: Five minutes, you rabbits.

Daniel: [holding a notebook and a picture] Guys, guys, look at this. This is the guy that attacked Claire on the balcony. It says they were violent, mentally, physically deformed, and, uh, showed signs of cannibalism.

Bridget: How did they survive out here?

Kyle: They're hunters, and now they're hunting us! They'll eat anything; fuck, they probably turned Porter into a porterhouse by now!

Bridget: [to hazard jack] Just look at me when you do it

Bridget: [to hazard jack] Did someone hurt you? Is that why you wear that mask?

Bridget: [to hazard jack] Raise your visor... let me see your face

[Jack reluctantly lifts his visor, showing her his battle-scarred face]

Maxine: What now?

Claire: Kiss the bastards goodbye, then have a drink might be traditional at this point, I think.

Bridget: I ain't gonna kiss no dead man, honey.

Bridget: Why shouldn't we have it? After all, they stole it fair and square!