Brian Johnson Quotes in The Breakfast Club (1985)

Brian Johnson: [closing narration] Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...

Andrew Clark: ...and an athlete...

Allison Reynolds: ...and a basket case...

Claire Standish: ...a princess...

John Bender: ...and a criminal...

Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

Allison Reynolds: I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.

Claire Standish: You're lying.

Allison Reynolds: I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.

Claire Standish: Lie.

Brian Johnson: Are your parents aware of this?

Allison Reynolds: The only person I told was my shrink.

Andrew Clark: And what did he do when you told him?

Allison Reynolds: He nailed me.

Claire Standish: Very nice.

Allison Reynolds: I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.

Claire Standish: He's an adult.

Allison Reynolds: Yeah, he's married too.

Claire Standish: Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?

Allison Reynolds: Well, the first few times...

Claire Standish: The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?

Allison Reynolds: Sure.

Claire Standish: Are you crazy?

Brian Johnson: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.

Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it?

Claire Standish: I don't even have a psychiatrist.

Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it with a normal person?

Claire Standish: Didn't we already cover this?

John Bender: You never answered the question.

Claire Standish: Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.

Allison Reynolds: It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it?

Claire Standish: A what?

Allison Reynolds: Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right?

Claire Standish: Wrong.

Allison Reynolds: Or are you a tease?

Andrew Clark: She's a tease.

Claire Standish: I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it.

Andrew Clark: Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.

John Bender: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.

Claire Standish: I don't do anything.

Allison Reynolds: That's why you're a tease.

Claire Standish: OK, let me ask you a few questions.

Allison Reynolds: I already told you everything.

Claire Standish: No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don't you want any respect?

Allison Reynolds: I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me.

Claire Standish: It's not the only difference I hope.

John Bender: Face it, you're a tease.

Claire Standish: I'm NOT a tease.

John Bender: Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect.

Claire Standish: No, I never said that she twisted my words around.

John Bender: What do you use it for then?

Claire Standish: I don't use it period.

John Bender: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?

Claire Standish: I didn't mean it that way. You guys are putting words into my mouth.

John Bender: Well, if you'd just answer the question.

Brian Johnson: Why don't you just answer the question?

Andrew Clark: Be honest.

John Bender: No big deal.

Brian Johnson: Yeah answer it.

Andrew Clark: Answer the question, Claire.

John Bender: Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it.

John Bender: C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question.

Claire Standish: NO I NEVER DID IT.

Allison Reynolds: I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar.

John Bender: [Imitating his Father] Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.

[Imitating his Mother]

John Bender: You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie.

[His own voice]

John Bender: No dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Fuck you.

[His own voice]

John Bender: No dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Fuck you.

[His own voice]

John Bender: Dad, what about you?

[Father's voice]

John Bender: Fuck you!

[Pantomimes getting punched in the face]

Brian Johnson: Is that for real?

John Bender: You wanna come over sometime?

[opening narration immediately after the title sequence]

Brian Johnson: Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed.

Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.

John Bender: Eat my shorts.

Richard Vernon: What was that?

John Bender: Eat... My... Shorts.

Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.

John Bender: Ooh, I'm crushed.

Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.

John Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.

Richard Vernon: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?

John Bender: No.

Richard Vernon: I'm doing society a favor.

John Bender: So?

Richard Vernon: That's another one right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step. You want another one?

John Bender: Yes.

Richard Vernon: You got it! You got another one right there! That's another one pal!

Claire Standish: Cut it out!

Richard Vernon: You through?

John Bender: Not even close bud!

Richard Vernon: Good! You got one more right there!

John Bender: You really think I give a shit?

Richard Vernon: Another! You through?

John Bender: How many is that?

Brian Johnson: That's seven including when we first came in and you asked Mr. Vernon whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.

Richard Vernon: Now it's eight. You stay out of this.

Brian Johnson: Excuse me sir, it's seven.

Andrew: I taped Larry Lester's buns together.

Brian Johnson: That was you?

Andrew: Yeah, you know him?

Brian Johnson: Yeah, I know him.

Andrew: Well, then you know how hairy he is. And when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some - some skin, too.

Claire Standish: Oh my God.

Andrew: And the bizarre thing is that I did it for my old man. I tortured this poor kid because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about how when he was in school and all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right? So I'm sitting in the locker room and I'm taping up my knee, and Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me. And he's kinda, he's kinda skinny. Weak. And I started thinkin' about my father, and his attitude about, about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I jumped on top of him and started whaling on him. And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I'm sitting in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father and Larry having to go home and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation - the fucking humiliation he must have felt. It must have been unreal. I mean, how... how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way. It's all because of me and my old man. God, I fucking hate him. He's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore.

[crying, imitating his father]

Andrew: 'Andrew! You've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family! Your intensity is for shit! Win! Win! Win!' You son of a bitch. You know, sometimes I wish my knee would give. And I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me.

Brian Johnson: Chicks cannot hold their smoke, dat's what it is.

Claire Standish: You know why guys like you knock everything?

John Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.

Claire Standish: It's because you're afraid.

John Bender: Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.

Claire Standish: You're a big coward.

Brian Johnson: I'm in the math club.

Claire Standish: See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it.

John Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?

Claire Standish: Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.

John Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.

Andrew Clark: Hey! Let's watch the mouth, huh?

Brian Johnson: I'm in the physics club too.

John Bender: Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?

Brian Johnson: Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club... physics club.

John Bender: Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the physics club?

Claire Standish: That's an academic club.

John Bender: So?

Claire Standish: So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.

John Bender: Ah... but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?

Brian Johnson: Well, in physics we... we talk about physics, properties of physics.

John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?

Richard Vernon: [From his office] Jesus Christ Almighty! What in God' s name is going on in here? What was that ruckus?

Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus?

Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.

Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

John Bender: What're we having?

Brian Johnson: Uh, it's your standard, regular lunch I guess...

[Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos. He sets it on the table and points at it]

John Bender: Milk?

Brian Johnson: Uh, soup.

John Bender: Ah.

[Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box. Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand]

Brian Johnson: That's apple juice...

John Bender: I *can* read. PB & J with the crusts cut off... Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?

Brian Johnson: Uh, no, Mr. Johnson.

Brian's mom: Now is this the first time or the last time you do this to me?

Brian Johnson: Last.

Brian's mom: Now get in there and use the time to your advantage.

Brian Johnson: Mom, we're not supposed to study, we just have to sit there and do nothing.

Brian's mom: Well mister, you figure out a way to study.

Brian's sister: Yeah.

Claire Standish: Why didn't you want me to know that you are a virgin?

Brian Johnson: Because it's my business - my personal business.

John Bender: Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business.

Allison Reynolds: Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birth date's March 12th, you're 5'9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.

Andrew Clark: Wow. Are you psychic?

Allison Reynolds: No.

Brian Johnson: Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?

Allison Reynolds: I stole your wallet.

Brian Johnson: [after Brian explains his F in shop] Did you know without trigonometry, there'd be no engineering?

Bender: Without lamps, there'd be no light.

Richard Vernon: Well, well. Here we are. I want to congratulate you for being on time.

Claire Standish: Excuse me, sir. I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention but I don't think I belong in here.

[Vernon ignores her, carrying on with his speech]

Richard Vernon: It is now 7:06. You have exactly 8 hours and 54 minutes to think about WHY you are here - to ponder the error of your ways. You will not talk... You will now move from these seats.

Richard Vernon: [Addressing Bender, who has his feet on a chair] And YOU... will not sleep.

[Pulls the chair out from under Bender's feet]

Richard Vernon: All right people, we're going to try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay of no less than a thousand words describing to me who you think you are.

John Bender: Is this a test?

Richard Vernon: And when I say 'essay', I mean 'essay'. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear, Mr. Bender?

John Bender: Crystal.

Richard Vernon: Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself. You might even decide whether or not you'd care to return.

Brian Johnson: Uh, you know, I can answer that right now, sir. That'd be no... No from me, 'cause...

Richard Vernon: [Contemptuously] Sit down, Johnson.

Brian Johnson: Thank you, sir.

[sits down]

Richard Vernon: My office is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised. Any questions?

John Bender: Yeah, I got a question. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

Richard Vernon: You'll get the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull, young man - you'll get the horns.

[walks away]

John Bender: That man... is a brownie hound.

Brian Johnson: I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?

John Bender: No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.

Bender: You load up, you party.

Brian Johnson: Uhh, no, actually, we dress up.