Brian Fantana Quotes in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

Brian Fantana: [about Veronica] I'll give this little cookie an hour before we're doing the no-pants dance. Time to musk up.

[opens cologne cabinet]

Ron Burgundy: Wow. Never ceases to amaze me. What cologne you gonna go with? London Gentleman, or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. Blackbeard's Delight.

Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent.

Brian Fantana: Oh yeah.

Ron Burgundy: It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils. In a good way.

Brian Fantana: Yep.

Ron Burgundy: Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.

Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.

[cheesy grin]

Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make sense.

Brian Fantana: Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.

[snarls]

Brian Fantana: I think I was in love once.

Ron Burgundy: Really? What was her name?

Brian Fantana: I don't remember.

Ron Burgundy: That's not a good start, but keep going...

Brian Fantana: She was Brazilian, or Chinese, or something weird. I met her in the bathroom of a K-Mart and we made out for hours. Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

Ron Burgundy: I'm pretty sure that's not love.

Brian Fantana: Damn it.

Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.

Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.

Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food. Oh, excuse me.

Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people.

News Station Employee: [disgusted] What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.

News Station Employee: [horrified] Smells like Bigfoot's dick!

Brian Fantana: [tries to act casual and walk away] Whoa, what's that smell?

Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom.

Champ Kind: It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*. And that is a scientific fact.

Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about.

Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think?

Ron Burgundy: [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon.

Brick Tamland: [shouts] Loud noises.

Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?

Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.

Champ Kind: Champ Kind.

Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.

Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.

Brick Tamland: Brian.

Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.

Brick Tamland: Veronica.

Brian Fantana: Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.

Champ Kind: Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.

Brick Tamland: Fantastic.

Ron Burgundy: Well, is it a shortcut or not?

Brick Tamland: Okay.

Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?

Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off.

[to the Panda]

Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out here, Panda Jerk!

Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich.

Ron Burgundy: Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love!

[Brian shuts office door]

Ron Burgundy: Did I say that loud?

Brian Fantana: Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.

Brian Fantana: People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.

Brick Tamland: [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.

Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

Ron Burgundy: [singing] Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?

Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] When everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway.

Brian Fantana, Brick Tamland: [singing] Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting.

Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Sky rockets in flight / Afternoon delight.

Ron Burgundy: You guys have it, I think.

Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.

Champ Kind: I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy.

Brian Fantana: Sounds like you have mental problems, man.

Brick Tamland: Yeah you got mental problems, man.

Brian Fantana: Yeah, he really does.

Brick Tamland: Man.

Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.

Brian Fantana: So the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at nine, instead of eight.

Ron Burgundy: Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.

Brian Fantana: Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.

Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.

Ron Burgundy: That's a given.

Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh!

[laughs playfully and pulls on Ron's sleeve]

Champ Kind: I miss your scent.

[composes himself, becomes serious]

Champ Kind: I miss your musk... When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!

Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am *hung ovaaah!*.

Champ Kind: [theatrical version only] I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.

Brick Tamland: Oh, yeah. I ate a big red candle.

Ron Burgundy: Go easy on her, guys, she has feelings too, you know.

Brian Fantana: Listen to Burgundy, he sounds like some school-boy bitch.

Champ Kind: You sound like a gay.

Ron Burgundy: Hey, this is me - Papa Burgundy. As far as I'm concerned Corningstone's fair game. Let the games begin. Wey-ho. Wey-ho.

Brian Fantana: There he is, there he is... I'm very aroused

Ron Burgundy: Everyone just relax, all right? Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

Brian Fantana: I don't know, Ron.

Ron Burgundy: Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.

Brian Fantana: [seriously] I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.

Brick Tamland: [breaks out laughing] That's a good one.

[last lines]

Ron Burgundy: We are laughing and we are very good friends. Good buddies sharing a special moment...

Brian Fantana: Don't say anything Ron and just let it happen.

Ron Burgundy: ...laughing and enjoying our friendship, and someday we'll look back on this with much fondness.

Brian Fantana: Yeah, yeah.

Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?

Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.

Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love.

Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?

[At Madison Square Park, Ron runs into Jack Lime and his team]

Ron Burgundy: [shocked] What the hell?

Jack Lime: Well, hello, Ron. You out for a jog?

Ron Burgundy: Jack Lime!

[Parents and children scatter away]

Ron Burgundy: Where's everyone going? Please, I don't have time to talk, okay? I have to be somewhere.

Jack Lime: Well, that's funny. 'Cause I got nowhere to be because you pretty much destroyed my career. Do you realize what it did to me, by making myself call me "Jack Lame"?

[yells]

Jack Lime: It was a living hell!

[panting]

Ron Burgundy: I'm telling you, you have to let me go!

Jack Lime: Oh, don't worry. Four against one. This'll be over fast.

Brian Fantana: Maybe not so fast!

[Champ, Brick, and Brian appear to the rescue]

Ron Burgundy: My news team! Thank God!

Champ Kind: Ain't a day that will be or has been that we don't Ron Burgundy's back.

Jack Lime: Not a problem. When I done with these mutts, I gonna wipe my shoes on the curb.

Brick Tamland: Oh, yeah, Jack Lime? When I'm done with you, my mom's gonna pick me up and take me home.

Brian Fantana: [referring to Jill and Wendy] I like the way they're put together.

Champ Kind: I like fighting girls.

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: I like to cunt punt cowboys.

Wendy Van Peele, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: You eat pussy?

Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: You're gonna.