Brian Epstein Quotes in Prick Up Your Ears (1987)

Joe Orton: I take it they

[the Beatles]

Joe Orton: all sleep together...

Brian Epstein: They do NOT.

Joe Orton: But they're all very pretty. I imagined they just had a good time... sang, smoked, fucked everything in sight including each other. I thought that was what success meant.

Brian Epstein: What do you mean, "Pete's Out"? And "Ringo's In"? I like Pete! He's very popular. Girls sleep out in his garden, it's good for the whole group!

Paul McCartney: Pete's not a Beatle.

John Lennon: He's too conventional. Anyway, Ringo's a professional.

Brian Epstein: This doesn't make sense! I mean, you could have gotten rid of Pete after the trip to Hamburg!

John Lennon: Pete hasn't grown like the rest of us.

Brian Epstein: Don't upset the apple cart. Everything's finally going well. The record company heard his drumming. They liked it!

John Lennon: You're not listening, Eppie. He's a drag. He don't spark. I'm sick of him just sitting there.

Brian Epstein: You're sick of the girls liking him and saying, "Pete Best and the Beatles"?

John Lennon: Maybe, Dr. Sigmund Eppie. Maybe.

Brian Epstein: How are we going to tell him?

John Lennon: We're not. You are.

Brian Epstein: Me? You want me to tell him?

John Lennon: Well, you're the manager.

Brian Epstein: I thought you'd know what being on top would be like. What is it, John?

John Lennon: It doesn't seem like a game anymore, Eppie. It seems crazy.

Brian Epstein: What does?

John Lennon: All them people, screaming and running after us. I don't know what they want. I mean, does that seem normal to you? The way they're behaving? Half the world thinks we're a bloody joke and the rest of them think we're God! What do you think we are, Brian?

Brian Epstein: I think you're John Lennon... playing the Pied Piper of leading people into the Mersey River.

John Lennon: God, I've been awful to you.

Brian Epstein: But never boring.

John Lennon: Well, what have got lined up for us next, Brian?

Brian Epstein: It's time to go to America, John.

John Lennon: Well, that would be a big mistake. No British pop artist has ever made it big over there.

Brian Epstein: Well, you'll be the first, then.

John Lennon: Well, I've got to do something or I'll go mad. We're getting like addicts. We need bigger and bigger fixes to keep going! But I'm not sure about America.

Brian Epstein: I am. And trust me, John... I'll never lead you into the Mersey. John, I want you to remember something. No single one of you is The Beatles. Each one of you is a part. Paul is the heart of the group, George is the soul, you're the mind.

John Lennon: And Ringo?

Brian Epstein: He's the flesh and blood.

John Lennon: A real traveling medical show, aren't we?

Brian Epstein: If any one of you stops doing his part, the rest will die. There will be no more Beatles. You're all dependent on one another.

Brian Epstein: This may come as a surprise. It surprises even me, but I'd like to be your manager. I'm organized, very methodical, but I'm also human. No doubt I'll make mistakes, but you're an incredible group. I'm sure I can help you. What you need is an English record contract. Through my contacts, that could be arranged. What are you earning now?

Pete Best: Seventy-five pounds a week.

George Harrison: Each.

Brian Epstein: No, no, you're making fifteen pounds a night, if and when you play. But I can do better. Naturally, I'd only take commissions on my bookings, which would be twenty-five percent per gross.

Paul McCartney: Why not twenty?

Brian Epstein: Well, I assume there'll be considerable costs before I see any profit. But I understand you don't have photographs. Well, besides publicity, there's...

Pete Best: We need a van.

Brian Epstein: That's four or five hundred pounds. And there'll be changes. Not in your music. In the sense of... professionalism to get you on the radio, the telly. Well, if this is all agreeable... we'll have contracts properly drawn.

John Lennon: We're not too crazy about changes. What kind do you have in mind?

Brian Epstein: Your appearance needs work.

John Lennon: You'll be wanting us to dress like you?

Brian Epstein: There'll just be some tidying up here and there, smoothing out the rough edges.

John Lennon: Well, I'm ashamed about rough edges, Mr. Epstein.

Brian Epstein: I'm not saying you should be ashamed. These changes are not to remake you, just to bring out what I see as your potential.

Paul McCartney: And just what experience exactly do you have in this line? I mean, how many groups are you directing at the moment?

Brian Epstein: None.

Paul McCartney: None?

John Lennon: So we'll be your guinea pigs? A new toy to play with and then toss away when you're tired of us?

Brian Epstein: That's not the way I work. Look, you need me. You'll be going nowhere now. Non-conformity is fine, but unless you adapt, you'll never get anywhere.

John Lennon: But we don't want to go anywhere. It's only people like you who have to go somewhere. We're happy, go-lucky, shiftless working-class lads. That's why we play the Negro music without a care in the world. Tell me, do you have a car?

Brian Epstein: Yes.

John Lennon: What kind?

Brian Epstein: A Ford... Zodiac.

John Lennon: Well now, in that case... you need our help. I'll sign with you, Eppie, 'cause I think we can help you.

John Lennon: The lads are probably having a big party without us.

Brian Epstein: You're not allowed to think about them. Doctor's orders.

John Lennon: Dr. B. Epstein, Certified Faith Healer and Proctologist. What a shitty job that must be. No pun intended.

[John is in the bath, playing the harmonica]

John Lennon: Alright, Eppy?

Brian Epstein: Sounds like you're having fun.

John Lennon: Been waitin' for you to scrub me back.

John Lennon: I find you an engaging and remarkable man, Brian. I've never met a man like you. I don't really want to have it off with you.

Brian Epstein: [hopefully] But you've never ruled it out?

John Lennon: Well, that would be putting you in an awful place, wouldn't it?

Brian Epstein: It has to be better than what I've been feeling lately.

John Lennon: If you don't fuck me, who will you fuck? It's a cold, cruel world out there, Brian. Everyone thinks we're off humpin' the weekend away. That really fuckin' pisses me off.

Brian Epstein: I was surprised you brought up what you brought up just now. Why is it so awkward when we talk about it?

John Lennon: Don't know.

Brian Epstein: It puts me in a very awkward position. You see, I get the feeling I'm supposed to bring it up and then I'm damned for doing so.

John Lennon: I enjoy hearing about your conquests - this lorry driver, that docker.

Brian Epstein: Yes, well, that's all very well, but it's when it comes closer to home - I just don't know what to say when that happens.

John Lennon: You know what Jung would call you?

Brian Epstein: What's that?

John Lennon: One queer Jew.