Brent Gage Quotes in The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (2009)

Don Ready: I had to take my pants off and nibble my Old Spice down to three ounces just to get on the plane, Stacey!

Stewardess Stacey: They made me throw out my mouthwash.

Brent Gage: I had to give up my bath jellies.

Babs Merrick: They made me breast feed some old man.

Brent Gage: In schoolyards, "Don Ready" is a euphemism for a hard-on.

Brent Gage: Fat kids... customer hates you. Fat wife... customer pities you. Shit Zooha, that's the best fat wife I've seen in four or five years. Can I have a copy of it?

Ben Selleck: And who is this guy? Well you are a strapping young man.

Brent Gage: Brent Gage, Sir.

Ben Selleck: Brent Gage, Now that is a strong name. I don't know why but right off the bat i like you... *a lot*

Tammy Selleck: You know Paxton here is in one of those popular bands in Temecula. Balls out!

Paxton Harding: No Big ups.

Tammy Selleck: Big Ups.

Don Ready: Either way.

[Everyone laughs]

Paxton Harding: Big ups is the name of the band! It's me and Ricky and Jason and we ya know we sing about life and love and passion, I'm not gonna lie to you we have some pretty *sick* dance moves.

Don Ready: Are, are you in a boy band?

Paxton Harding: No I'm in a man band, Were all over 30 we call it a man band,

Don Ready: You're... You're men in a boy band.

Paxton Harding: We open for O-Town! Right here in Temecula okay. Google it.

Brent Gage: No.

Paxton Harding: Google it

Brent Gage: No.

Paxton Harding: Why wouldn't you Google it, I just told you to Google it. Google "Big Ups"

Babs Merrick: No i Googled it, it said you *fucking* blow.

Paxton Harding: That was O-Town's website.

Paxton Harding: You know what. I'm rising above this, while you guys are yukking it up I'm gonna go rehearse with Big Ups.

Brent Gage: You can do this. You are a winner. Don Ready has the heart of a champion.

Don Ready: I'm a fucking stallion. I should be owned by a goddamn middle eastern sheik!

Brent Gage: There's almost no doubt you invented the phrase "It's all good".

Brent Gage: In the schoolyard a Don Ready is a euphemism for a hard-on.

Dick Lewiston: I never cared much for Jews, queers, or fuckin' Eskimos. It was just the way I was raised.

Brent Gage: Is that it?

Dick Lewiston: Yeah! I thought we were opening up here!

Brent Gage: [during lap dance] Oh, that's disgusting! But don't get me wrong... I have an erection.

Brent Gage: [Knocking on motel room door] Come on Don... come on.

Babs Merrick: What's going on? Don's never been late for the last day of a sale.

Ivy Selleck: [Opening door] Don's gone. Aaaaand you did not see me here. Okay.

Babs Merrick: Well did he go to the lot?

Ivy Selleck: I don't know. He kind of just freaked out and left.

Jibby Newsome: 'Querque all over again.

Babs Merrick: Fuckin' 'Querque.

Blake: Are you saying I should pretend to be his son? Because Brent, that's fucked up.

Brent Gage: Is it? Or is it fucked down?

Ben Selleck: Hey Brent, you see my wife over there?

Brent Gage: Yea

Ben Selleck: it is a *dead* marriage but, ya know, ya learn to live with it. Drive around out at night windows down, music up. Some people call it cruisin' me i call it looking for a friend. Are you my friend Brent?

Brent Gage: No!

Brent Gage: [Ben is looking at him sexually] Hey... Come on man. Uh Jibby was a pro-baller for two years on the tour. Hes got a lot of great stories.

Brent Gage: You were the first person to wear a Von Dutch trucker hat.

Don Ready: I really regret that!

Brent Gage: As well you should.

Brent Gage: Mmmm look at my husband, looks like hes got a Don Ready!

Don Ready: Give me a minute.

Brent Gage: I don't know why, but I can't enjoy breakfast anywhere but a strip club. My mom used to always cook bacon naked. She would cook bacon all day long.