Brandon Quotes in Submerged (2016)

Brandon: Every time you kiss her... you're tasting my dick

Brandon's Mom: Where are you going with all those fireworks?

Brandon: Well, the Protector got super-accelerated coming out of the black hole, and it, like, nailed the atmosphere at Mach 15, which, you guys know, is pretty unstable, obviously, so we're gonna help Laredo guide it on the the vox ultra-frequency carrier and use Roman candles for visual confirmation.

Brandon's Mom: Uh, all right, dinner's at seven.

[Brandon exits. Mom turns to a dubious Dad]

Brandon's Mom: Well, he's outside.

Brandon: [V.O] Sometimes I wish I had a spaceship... just hang out in space where it's quiet and no one could mess with me.

Larry Daley: Sorry. Last time I checked, I thought we lived in a free country, so...

Brandon: No, we don't.

Larry Daley: No?

Brandon: It's the United States of "Don't Touch That Thing Right in Front of You."

Brandon: It's Brundon.

Larry Daley: What, did they run out of U's on your name plate?

Brandon: I dunno, did they run out of jokes at the Interesting Joke Store that you shop at?

Brandon: I stand there and I wait all day for a little girl like you to come in and put her precious nail polished nails all over the exhibit.

Nicole: You don't seem like you're from around here.

Brandon: Where... where do I seem like I'm from?

Nicole: Someplace... beautiful.

[last lines]

Brandon: [voiceover] Dear Lana, By the time you read this, I'll be back home in Lincoln. I'm scared of what's ahead, but when I think of you I know I'll be able to go on. You were right. Memphis isn't far at all. I'll be making a trip out on the highway before too long. I'll be waiting for ya. Love always and forever, Brandon.

Brandon: Boy, I... I really fucked up. I borrowed one of Candace's checks, then I got that speeding ticket, and this fake I.D. I guess, I just need to learn to stay home, huh?

Lana's Mom: Brandon, I invite you into my home and you expose my daughter to your sickness. D'ever think about Lana in all this?

Brandon: That's all I been thinking about.

Brandon: So what's your name?

Candace: [laughs] Candace. I hate it though. I'm thinking of changing it.

Brandon: Sometimes that helps. I'm Brandon.

Lana: What were you like... before all this? Were you like me, like a GIRL girl?

Brandon: Yeah... like a long time ago... but then I guess I was just like a boy girl, then I was just a jerk.

Sheriff: Why do you go hanging out with guys, you being a girl yourself? Why do you go around kissing every girl?

Brandon: I... don't see what this has to do with what had happened.

Sheriff: I'm asking you all these so that when I speak to the jury, they're going to want some answers, so I have to know exactly what is going on. Now, are you going to answer my question or not?

Brandon: I... have a sexual identity crisis.

Sheriff: You have a what?

Brandon: I have a sexual identity crisis.

Lana: God, I hate my life.

Lana's Mom: [drunk on the sofa] Lana?

Brandon: I hate your life, too.

Brandon: [on Lana] I'm going to ask her to marry me.

Lonny: Before or after your sex-change operation? Before or after you tell her you're a girl?

Brandon: Shut up!

Lana: No.

Brandon: Why not? You're beautiful.

Lana: Come over here.

Brandon: [to himself, laughing] I'm an asshole.

Dave - Deputy: Miss Brandon? Miss Brandon, we ran your Charles Behrman ID through to the computer, and this is what the Lincoln authorities faxed us over. You tell me.

Brandon: Wow... This Teena chick's pretty messed up.

Brandon: Lana, you are one cranky girl.

Lana: Yeah, well, you'd be cranky, too, Mister I'm Going To Memphis Graceland Tennessee, if you were stuck in a town where there's nothing to do but go bumper skiing and chase bats every night of your evil fucking life.

John Lotter: Shut up, you fucking pervert. Are you a girl or are you not? ARE YOU A GIRL OR ARE YOU NOT?

Tom Nissen: There's an easy way to fix this problem.

Brandon: Fuck you! You stay the fuck away from me!

Tom Nissen: Oh, you wanna fight?

Brandon: Is there an Olive here?

Rosemary: There's a whole jar of them in the fridge!

Olive Penderghast: [V.O] So the next day I had detention. Which, thanks to recent budget cuts meant *cleaning*. I was looking forward to putting all this behind me - I had done the crime, I was going to do the time. And that would be that

Brandon: Aren't there, like, child labor laws against this?

Olive Penderghast: Not in high school. The principal is like a captain of a ship in international waters. He can even marry people!

[Brandon nods]

Olive Penderghast: We haven't talked in a while - how've you been, Brandon?

Brandon: [sarcastic] Fabulous! Crushing it! Everything according to plan.

[yelling]

Brandon: I wanna be in detention!

Olive Penderghast: Ya, why are you here? Judging from the amount of blood I saw gushing from your nose I thought you were the bull-*ied*

Brandon: You'd think, but Principal Gibbons is a homophobe, which is why I called him a fascist.

Olive Penderghast: So the rumors are true.

Brandon: [defensive] I don't know what you're talking about.

Olive Penderghast: I meant about Gibbons' being a fascist.

[smiles]

Brandon: So what's with your new look? It's very whore couture.

Olive Penderghast: Oh, haven't you heard? I'm the new school slut.

Brandon: You know, I did hear something. I also heard he was twice your age.

Olive Penderghast: Oh, no no no no. He was a freshman in college.

Brandon: I also heard he gave you crabs.

Olive Penderghast: Ew! People suck!

Brandon: Tell me about it.

Brandon: Just one good, imaginary boink!

Olive Penderghast: You are on crack! And not the good kind.

Brandon: It doesn't have to be a boink. It could be anything - it could be an imaginary butter-bean, lemon squeeze, cowbell...

Olive Penderghast: I don't know what any of that means.

Brandon: Well, that's because you're a virgin.

Brandon: I'm drunk. What's up, bitches?

Brandon: You don't understand how hard it is, all right? Hmm? I'm tormented everyday at school. It's like I'm being suffocated, and sure we can sit and fantasize all we want about how things are going to be different one day, but this is today and it sucks... So please just help me. I can't take another day of this, I don't know what I'll do.

Brandon: [while pretending to have sex with Olive and she's hitting him with a book] You don't have to be so aggressive about it.

Olive Penderghast: What, you don't like that?

[yells so the eavesdroppers outside the door will hear]

Olive Penderghast: You don't like that!

Brandon: [whispers to Olive] NO, I don't like that!

Olive Penderghast: [after pretending to have sex with Brandon] Go forth, my son, you're a man now.

Brandon: Thank you!

[Olive smiles]

Brandon: Seriously, thanks!

[from trailer]

Brandon: Do you wanna go out with me?

Olive Penderghast: Brandon, just a couple of hours ago you told me you were Kinsey 6 gay.

Brandon: You said I should pretend to be straight.

Olive Penderghast: I didn't mean with me!

Brandon: I am tormented every day at school. Just one good, imaginary fling.

Zack Brown: What brings you here?

Brandon: I came here with somebody who went to school here, Bobby Long.

Zack Brown: No shit! That's who my friend's hitting on right now! See, right there, the one dressed like Hannah Montana.

Brandon: In L.A. we call that look 'Nickelodeon Chique'.

Zack Brown: Wait, L.A.? Los Angeles? That's awesome, man, what do you do out there?

Brandon: I'm an actor.

Zack Brown: Wow! That's really impressive.

Brandon: Thank you.

Zack Brown: Fucking movies?

Brandon: Fucking movies. Pretty much.

Zack Brown: Look at you! Anything I've seen? What movies?

Brandon: Oh, all sorts of movies with all-male casts.

Zack Brown: All-male casts? Like "Glengarry Glen Ross"? Like that?

Brandon: Like "Glen and Gary suck Ross's meaty cock and drop their hairy nuts in his eager mouth."

Zack Brown: [stunned] ... is that like a sequel?

Brandon: Sort of. It's a reimagining.

Zack Brown: Oh, like "The Wiz".

Brandon: More erotic. And with less women. No women, to be exact.

Zack Brown: I apologize in advance if I'm out of line here, but are you in gay porn?

Brandon: Guilty as charged.

Brandon: I thought you recognized me from my work, but you're not my demographic so I'm not offended.

Zack: Well, who's your demographic?

Brandon: Do you like pussy?

Zack: Yeah.

Brandon: Then not you.

Zack Brown: Hello, Miriam.

Miriam Linky: Beat it, we're talking.

Zack Brown: I just wanted to introduce you to Brandon.

Brandon: Salutations.

Zack Brown: Bobby's boyfriend.

Miriam Linky: Bobby who?

Bobby Long: Bobby me.

Zack Brown: Brandon, uh, is the star as such adult fare as, what was that one called again?

Brandon: "You better shut your mouth or I'm gonna fuck it."

Zack Brown: That's right. I'm surprised I forgot that.

Miriam Linky: Are you fucking with me?

Zack Brown: [amused] No, they're fucking with each other.

Brandon: [to Bobby] I will be your Sherpa up the mountain of gayness.

Brandon: I can't keep my hands off him, I'm so sorry.

Bobby Long: You've had one too many cosmos.

Brandon: You know although he does most of the eating in the sack if you know what I mean. In the sack and of the sack.

Miriam Linky: [after hitting on Bobby and meeting his boyfriend] You're gay?

Bobby Long: Yeah.

Miriam Linky: [to Brandon] And I'm on the internet wearing... a diaper?

Brandon: Who knew you'd come to Pittsburgh and meet a celebrity? Ha ha!

Miriam Linky: [to Zack] I'm gonna binge-drink now until I pass out.

Zack Brown: Okay. She'll be fine. So you guys suck each other's cocks, huh?

Brandon: Oh, like crazy.

Brandon: [fighting with Bobby] The reason... the reason you haven't taken me home to your mother is... your mother with her makeup and her drinking, she's... she's in the closet too!

Zack: They fight just like *real* people!

Bobby Long: This is exactly why you haven't met my mother! Because you don't know how to ease people in to this situation, you just force your way in every time!

Brandon: Baby, I thought maybe for one second in this God-forsaken town I could be myself! I'm so sorry, you're right, I should just butch up and pretend that I don't love it when you shove your dick in my mouth!

Zack Brown: [to himself] This is the best night of my life.

Brandon: Am I making a spectacle? Because I could make a much bigger scene. I'm sorry, Pittsburg, listen up Monroevers, my name is Brandon St. Randy, and I love Bobby Long!

Zack Brown: Fucking A!

Brandon: Is that enough for you? Is that enough of a scene? Cause I could start doing a lot worse then that. And the reason that you haven't taken me home to your mother is that your mother, with her makeup and all her drinking, she's in the closet too.

Zack Brown: [in awe] They fight just like real people...

Brandon: Oh my god... no!

Miriam Linky: What?

Brandon: Granny Panties?

Miriam Linky: Excuse me?

Brandon: This is so crazy! I was literally just watching you like right before we got here! This is you, right?

[pulls out his iPhone and shows a YouTube clip of Miri in a changing room wearing big underwear. The narrator says "My name's Granny Panties and nobody wants to fuck me! Nothing's whiter then my big gay ass."]

Miriam Linky: [Miri gasps in horror]

Zack Brown: Where'd you get that?

Brandon: Oh, I entered 'gay' and 'ass' and it was the top hit. It's had 200 thousand views in three hours. Honey, you are, like, I'm actually jealous right now cause you're like super famous!

Miriam Linky: [to Bobby] You're gay?

Bobby Long: [apologetically] Yeah...

Miriam Linky: And I'm the internet wearing... a diaper?

Brandon: Who knew you'd come to Pittsburg and meet a celebrity?

Miriam Linky: I'm gonna binge drink now until I pass out now.

Zack Brown: [to Brandon and Bobby] So, you guys suck each other's cocks, huh?

Brandon: Oh, like crazy.

Eddie: Trust me, getting rejected by text is a lot less humiliating.

Brandon, Justin: Right

Brandon: Why do you hang out with that faggot?

Dawn Weiner: Just because Ralphie's a faggot doesn't mean he's an asshole.

Brandon: Yo, Weiner, you better get ready, 'cause at three o'clock today, I'm gonna RAPE you!

Ralphie: Dawn? Do you think I'll get into the Hummingbirds next year?

Dawn Weiner: Boys always get in.

Ralphie: Do you think they'll go on a trip to Disney World next year also?

Dawn Weiner: I don't know! Maybe. Depends.

Ralphie: On what?

Brandon: Hey, dog-face!

Dawn Weiner: Drop dead!

Ralphie: Let's go.

Brandon: What's the matter, faggot? In a hurry to run home to Mommy?

Dawn Weiner: Shut up!

Brandon: Make me, lesbo!

Dawn Weiner: You think you're so cool!

Ralphie: You think you're hot shit but you're really just cold diarrhea.

Brandon: Hoo-HOO! Listen to this faggot!

Dawn Weiner: Shut up, you asshole!

Ralphie: Yeah, shut up!

Brandon: Man, if I were you, faggot, I'd be shittin' in my pants, 'cause when you go to junior high, man, I'm gonna smash that little fairy face of yours into a mushy pulp!

Dawn Weiner: Yeah, well, at least he won't stay back a year!

[Brandon knocks her soda out of her hand and laughs]

Dawn Weiner: Retard!

Mrs. Atwater: Do you know when I was a girl I used to read quite a bit.

Brandon: We all do strange things in our childhood.

Brandon: I've always wished for more artistic talent. Well, murder can be an art, too. The power to kill can be just as satisfying as the power to create.

Phillip: Rupert only publishes books *he* likes... usually philosophy.

Janet: Oh. Small print, big words, no sales.

Brandon: Rupert's extremely radical. Do you know that he selects his books on the assumption that people not only can read but actually can think?

Brandon: What are you doing?

Rupert Cadell: It's not what I'm going to do, Brandon. It's what society is going to do. I don't know what that will be, but I can guess, and I can help. You're going to die, Brandon. Both of you. You are going to die.

[opens a window and fires three shots]

Brandon: It is a little difficult trying to keep up with your romances. After me came Kenneth, now it's David. Why the, the switch from Kenneth to David anyway?

Janet: Obviously I think he's nicer.

Brandon: Well, he's certainly richer.

Janet: That's a new low... even for you, chum.

Brandon: Nobody commits a murder just for the experiment of committing it. Nobody except us.

Brandon: Of course, he was a Harvard graduate. That might be grounds for justifiable homicide.

Brandon: Good and evil, right and wrong were invented for the ordinary average man, the inferior man, because he needs them.

Brandon: Determined to get drunk, aren't you?

Phillip: I am drunk.

Brandon: And just as childish as you were before when you called me a liar.

Phillip: You had no business telling that story.

Brandon: Why did you lie anyway?

Phillip: I had to! Have you ever bothered for just one minute to understand how someone else might feel?

Brandon: I'm not sentimental if that's what you...

Phillip: No, that's not what I mean; but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters... except that Mr. Brandon liked the party. Mr. Brandon gave the party. Mr. Brandon had a delightful evening. Well, I had a rotten evening!

Brandon: Keep drinking, and you'll have a worse morning.

Phillip: At least if I have a hangover, it'll be all mine!

Brandon: Mrs. Wilson, champagne!

Kenneth: Oh, it isn't someone's birthday is it?

Brandon: Don't look so worried, Kenneth. It's, uh, really almost the opposite.

Brandon: I've always thought that it was out of character for David to drink anything as corrupt as Whiskey.

Phillip: Out of character for him to be murdered, too.

Brandon: The good Americans usually die young on the battlefield, don't they? Well, the Davids of this world merely occupy space, which is why he was the perfect victim for the perfect murder. Course he, uh, he was a Harvard undergraduate. That might make it justifiable homicide.

Brandon: We killed for the sake of danger and for the sake of killing.

Rupert Cadell: After all, murder is - or should be - an art. Not one of the 'seven lively', perhaps, but an art nevertheless. And, as such, the privilege of committing it should be reserved for those few who are really superior individuals.

Brandon: And the victims: inferior beings whose lives are unimportant anyway.

Rupert Cadell: Obviously. Now, mind you, I don't hold with the extremists who feel that there should be open season for murder all year round. No, personally, I would prefer to have..."Cut a Throat Week"... or, uh, "Strangulation Day"...

Brandon: But why should I want to come back?

Phillip: Yes, why?

Brandon: For the pleasure of our company, or another drink?

Rupert Cadell: That's a very good idea. May I have one for the road?

Brandon: That's where we're superior, Phillip. We have courage. Rupert doesn't.

Mrs. Wilson - Their Housekeeper: [placing a tray of food on the table] Mr. Cadell got a bad leg in the war for his courage. And you've got your sleeve in the celery, Mr. Phillip.

Brandon: Now look, I'm not going to get caught because of you or anyone else. Nobody is going to get in my way now.

Brandon: It's only a piece of rope Phillip, an ordinary household article. Why hide it?

Brandon: [handing Kenneth a drink] Would you mind taking this in to Janet?

Kenneth: Sure. Why?

Brandon: No particular reason. I thought you'd like to take it to her. She's in the bedroom.

Kenneth: Then you'd like David to walk in.

Brandon: No, that'd be too much of a shock.

Brandon: [David screams, to Phillip] Open it.

[they put David in the trunk and close it]

Nelson: Wow. Wow. Very, uh, Pink Flamingos.

Chaz: Oh my god. Sweetheart! He says I look like Divine!

[Brandon comes in with a tray wearing a dress]

Brandon: Ugh! That's awful. Although you could lose a few pounds.

Chaz: Stop it.

Brandon: You stop it.

Chaz: Bitch.

Brandon: A little lovin' from the oven. Cous cous for everyone.

Sara: Wow. Did you make that?

Brandon: Uh huh.

Chaz: Excuse me. What did you just say?

Brandon: Well making, buying, it's all a very thin line.

Nelson Moss: Oh my god, you're Chaz Watley.

Brandon: Oh look, baby's famous.

Chaz: Don't even go there.

Mrs. Blake: He did have his own way of thinking. He truly believed that if you really put your mind to it, you can do anything! Huh. I heard him say that so many times. "Betty, if you really wanna do it, you can do it. Just put your mind to it and you can do it." Honest, he said that!

Brandon: Oh, that's beautiful.

Mrs. Blake: Yeah, as beautiful as any other fairy tale I've heard lately. Well, you just can't go around teaching kids nonsense like that! Why, they'd fly off the first available balcony!

Brandon: I was just complimenting Sparkle on her song.

Sparkle (Beth Sue Blake): Sure you were. Buster knows better than that. He's heard me sing.

Buster Blake: I *taught* you to sing.

Sparkle (Beth Sue Blake): You mean, you tried.

Buster Blake: And succeeded. Look, you sing good, and don't let anybody tell you any different. You hear the ruckus you raise out there.

Sparkle (Beth Sue Blake): That's not what I raise out there, and you know it!

Beth Sue: Brandon, what can I do?

Brandon: You can suck on my cock.

Beth Sue: Since when do you talk to me like that?

Brandon: Since I found out that you like it.

Mrs. Blake: Beth Sue is just exactly like her daddy, God rest his soul. Stubborn.

Brandon: Beth Sue never told me her father had died.

Mrs. Blake: Oh, he hasn't. Officially. Though I don't read the obits faithfully anymore. He's gone as far as I'm concerned though.

[Mr. Pupik dances around Mrs. Blake's porch playing a saxophone, then he suddenly begins singing]

Mr. Pupik: Mrs. Blake, Mrs. Blake, smells like you just baked a cake. Share your cake, Mrs. Blake, please don't leave me with a tummy aaaaaache!

Brandon: How does he know your name?

Mrs. Blake: I can't imagine!

Brandon: You know, I hate to be hasty in my judgements of people, but this man seems a little retarded or something.

Mr. Pupik: I have nothing to sell but plenty to give away. To the right person.

Brandon: Oh, and Mrs. Blake is that right person?

Mr. Pupik: Correct. Now, I have several prizes for you today, Mrs. Blake, that you can choose from. Let's see. Oh, we have security, purity, happiness, love - with or without lust... luck - good, bad or both... anxiety...

Brandon: Oh wait, wait, hold it right there. Would you care to explain why anyone in their right mind would want to have bad luck or anxiety? I mean, those don't exactly sound like prizes to me.

Mr. Pupik: Your guess is as good as mine, Brandon, but some people want 'em so bad that they have 'em just about every day.

Brittany: How 'bout I have my dog bite it off and bury it in my backyard?

Brandon: How big is your backyard?

Brandon: [on cell phone] Brittany, look, I know you're there. I can hear you walking. I understand that you don't want to talk. I probably disgust you. It's okay. I disgust myself sometimes. I know I'm a pig. I can't help it. No, pigs are nicer. Actually, I'm just what you said. I'm a fucking crotch dog. I'm sorry.

The Ripper: [the Ripper's voice appears on the other line] It's too late to be sorry.

Brandon: Who is this?

The Ripper: Someone from your past. You wouldn't remember.

Brandon: Put Brittany on, please.

The Ripper: She's not here.

Brandon: Well, where is she?

The Ripper: Where you're going to go.

Brandon: I'm gonna go to the church.

The Ripper: No, you're not.

Brandon: What do you mean, "No, I'm not?"

The Ripper: Think hotter.

Brandon: Miami?

The Ripper: Try hell!

[the Ripper appears behind him]

The Ripper: [the Ripper stabs Brandon in the stomach] Anybody you want to say goodbye to?

Brandon: My unborn child.

The Ripper: Fuck your fucking unborn child. Now where'd I leave your bitch?

Penelope: What men will do to you in prison is nothing compared to what demons will do to you in hell, on beds of fire, for all eternity.

Brandon: I'm gonna get you for this, Penelope.

Alex: [Brandon has punched him] Thanks, Brandon. That felt good.

Brandon: Asswipe.

Alex: Not as good as your mother felt last night, though.

Brandon: Bug takes a little longer 'cause he's a little slower.

Brandon: Basement door opens to an awful smell -... Something's rotting down there.

Grace: Or someone.

Brandon: I say we live a little. And stop being pussies. - Signing the cross to everyone - Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.

Freddy: Come on... This is all just bullshit! We can really conjure a demon. That's like Wes Craven shit.

Grace: Why is this bullshit? I mean, if people believe angels are real, then why can't a demon be real?

Brandon: We are not the robots!

Mikhail: I thought that's what we were going for man, a robot punk band from the 24th century.

Larry: I thought it was the 25th century.

Mikhail, Larry, Neumann: Yea, 25th. From what planet though?

Brandon: Guys, we are a chronos punk band, a scifi and sex punk band from the 21st century on planet earth!

Neumann: Or your anus.

Larry: Or her anus.

Mikhail: Or his anus.

Brandon: What's with the voice, man?

The Great Intelligence: I'm trying a new modulator. How's it sound?

Brandon: I'm trying a new modulator. How's it sound?

The Great Intelligence: My hard line is shit in the basement, and my mom's upstairs, and I wanted to watch some porn and play Skyrim.

Brandon: At the same time?

The Great Intelligence: Maybe.

Brandon: What's new with you Jason?

Jason: Oh, you know, taking a lifetime to become an overnight success.

Brandon: Wade was in a car accident?

Ricky: Noah nursed him back to health.

Brandon: That's so romantic.

Ricky: Except what lead to the crash was a fight between Wade and his boyfriend, after he caught Wade and Noah gettin' busy.

Brandon: Sounds like a soap opera.

Ricky: Which is exactly why it won't work. Life is not a soap opera.

Noah: So we release them, and then?

Brandon: They fly away?

Wade: This time of year, wouldn't they just freeze to death?

Ricky: The perfect metaphor for the joys of marriage.

Brandon: But what about the whole top-bottom thing? Isn't that kind of limiting? Kind of like a parody of heterosexual relationships?

Wade: What do you mean?

Brandon: Because, like I'm versatile, right? So, do you ever want Mr. Nicholson to fuck you?

Wade: Who says he doesn't already?

Brandon: Are you sure you're going to be okay, Mr. Robinson?

Wade: Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry guys, I didn't think I had that much to drink.

Eddie: It's not a real bachelor party unless someone blows chunks.

Brandon: I like looking at you.

Jamie Douglas: I like being looked at.