Brandi Quotes in The Doom Generation (1995)

Brandi: (draws a sword) I am gonna lop his... dick off... like a chicken head.

Brandi: But it was her! It was Kitten! That bitch... I'm gonna find her. And I'm gonna kill her.

Brandi: Suitor number 3, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake or a jackhammer?

Gil Hicks: Definitely a jackhammer, I'm in there with some pressure and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed.

Brodie: Where do you come up with this shit? That's the cheesiest response to an honest question I have ever heard. I saw you kiss and it wasn't anything like that.

Bob Summers: [Chuckling] Suitor #2, you'll have to wait until you're addressed before you respond.

Brodie: Richard Dawson, why don't you just go back to your podium until it's time to play The Feud. All right?

[Audience laughs]

Gil Hicks: Who the hell did you see me kiss?

Brodie: Some dude backstage. I don't know who he was but he seemed unimpressed.

Gil Hicks: I didn't kiss any guy backstage. I swear. I'm not gay.

Brodie: Hey, Suitorette, this guys a homophobe. You heard how repulsed he sounded. Is this the kind of guy you want to spend a vacation with? This hate-monger?

Gil Hicks: I don't hate gay people.

Brodie: So you love them?

Gil Hicks: Yes. I mean no.

Brodie: Textbook closet case self-loather. Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality.

Brandi: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public?

Brodie: I already did once today.

[clicks his finger at Renee]

Brodie: But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, snap! The hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.

Gil Hicks: [beat] Well, did he cum, or what?

Brodie: Jesus *Christ*, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!

[At a Dating Game-like game show]

Brandi: Second suitor: if we were making whoopee, what sounds would you make?

Brodie: Wait, what's whoopee?

Brandi: You know, being intimate.

Brodie: What? Like fucking?

Brandi: Suitor number one. If we fell in love, how would you propose to me?

Brodie: [aside] When Jaws popped out of the water...

Brandi: If we were making whoopee, what kind of noises would you make?

Brodie: [Making a 'doggy style' motion with his hand] Rrrruff... rr... rruff...

Brodie: [Looks over at TS] You know, that's kind of a personal question, I don't think I should answer that.

Brandi: Suitor #2...

Gil Hicks: Hey, what about me?

Brodie: Aw Gil, just shut the fuck up!

Brandi: Suitor Number Three, what would our first date be like?

Gil Hicks: Well, uh, first I'd take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we'd do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I'd follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I'd pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up.

Brodie: That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! I mean, look at you. You're the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.

Brandi: When I walked away, did you make any effort to repair that breach? No, you ran off and cried on the shoulder of Bumble the Boy Wonder over there.

Brodie: Boy Wonder? Hey, I'm all man, lady!

Brandi: [calm and nefarious tone] Second Suitor? If you were a comic book character, what character would you be?

Brodie: [caught off guard, but delighted] Wow! That's a great question. Tough one, though I mean, what does one gauge his response on? Physical prowess? Keen detection skills? The ability to banter well with super villians?

Brandi: [interupting] How's your comic book collection, Brodie?

Brodie: Oh it's goin' good. But, I mean...

Brodie: [T.S. punches Brodie's arm and shows an angry look, realizing they have been made] Oh, comics? what are you talkin' about lady? I don't collect comics! Comics are for kids!

Gil Hicks: Hey, do I get a chance to field any more questions?

T.S. Quint, Brandi: [in unison] NO!

Brandi: Oh, my God! Wizards!

Brandi: [Wakes up to find Ronnie not having sex with her] Why did you stop, motherfucker?

Ronnie Barnhardt: Are you all right?

Brandi: Physically yes, but psychologically? No!

Brandi: It's like my mom always said: you can polish a turd, but it's still a piece of shit.

Brandi: [sees Ronnie taking his psych meds] I didn't know you partied like that.

Ronnie Barnhardt: Yeah, I party like that every 4 to 6 hours.

[Colee sets T.K. up with the professional sex worker at the RV]

Brandi: Oh, he's so cute, I'll do it for free.

Colee Dunn: [Colee smiles, looking to T.K] For free? How's that sound?

Kendra: Don't worry, she'll get it going or if she can't, nobody can.

Brandi: You come with me.

Colee Dunn: [as T.K. walks off with the sex worker] You all right? We're here for you.

Tre Styles: [laughing after he breaks down in tears] I never thought I'd be crying in front of a female.

Brandi: You can cry in front of me.

Roger: I'm ugly.

Brandi: No, you have nice eyes.

[pause]

Brandi: You want me to make you pretty?

Roger: Yes, yes.

Brandi: Everybody wants to be pretty.

[Brandi applies lipstick to Roger's lips then holds up a compact mirror]

Brandi: Now you're beautiful.

Brandi: You barely know me, I'm not that easy to be around.

Bobby Richards: I'm not that easy to be with either.

Chi Trang: We create the world we want to live in.

[Chi hands a laminated photo of the Mandala of Compassion to Brandi, who studies it]

Chi Trang: Do you believe you can?

[pause]

Chi Trang: I've got bills to pay, don't you? Let's make some money.

Brandi: [under her breath] Okay.

Tom: [Tom spots a stoned, dazed PROSTITUTE, 30, walk in, sits at a booth. He glances at the Prostitute muttering to herself then turns to Becky] Is she with you?

Brandi: No, she's not with me.

Tom: [He grabs a menu, goes to the Prostitute] Coffee?

Prostitute: [the Prostitute nods] And pancakes, with lots of strawberries.

Tom: That'll cost extra.

Prostitute: [She puts a twenty dollar bill on the table] And lots of syrup.

Tom: Yes, ma'am.

Brandi: [Becky studies the smeared make-up on the Prostitute then walks out]

Chi Trang: You're not going to make any money looking like that.

Brandi: I can't sleep.

Chi Trang: Then you better start taking sleeping pills.

Brandi: I don't like taking...

Chi Trang: I don't care what you like! You have to look good.