Bradley Quotes in The Land That Time Forgot (1974)

Bradley: Caprona has damn little respect for guns, Mr. Tyler.

Captain Von Schoenvorts: No, there's nothing wrong with our shooting, gentlemen. In primitive nervous systems like this allosaurus, even a fatal wound might register in the brain with a delayed action. As your saying would have it, this "chap" was late for his own funeral.

Bradley: Should one drink white or red wine with plesiosaurus, Herr Von Schoenvorts?

Bill O'Brien: The Hell with the Union! There's plenty of tramps in town, all volunteers. I'm not worried. To get that bonus, they'll carry the entire charge on their backs.

Bradley: You mean you're gonna put those bums to work?

Bill O'Brien: Yes, Mr. Bradley, because those bums don't have any union, nor any families. And if they blow up, nobody'll come around bothering me for any contribution.

Lenore: Hi, Professor.

Dick Kelly: Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach.

Lenore: Thank you.

Dick Kelly: I was actually talking to him.

Bradley: Yup, immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel.

Dick Kelly: Just try not to join the cast of "Rent" on the way back.

Bradley: Okay, this is awkward but I'm just going to go ahead and ask. Maid or hooker?

Bradley: She's not very friendly looking.

Plug: I wonder what her other head looks like?

Ava: Hi... what was all the yelling about?

Bradley: Just your mother's normal kvetching.

Betty: Ohhhh... would you stop talking like that! This isn't a production of Fiddler on the Roof!

Bradley: Would you just relax and stop acting like some kind of meshuggeneh in front of our daughters!

Betty: What does that even mean? Jesus!

Bradley: Jewish!

Ava: Okay, can we just take this into my office... please? Right into my office... thank you... come on.

Ava: Okay... okay Betty, we're making some, some progress. I want you both to close your eyes... take a deep breath, and let's try and reconnect... with some of those feelings you had when you first decided to get married.

Betty: Ava, this Berkeley bullshit isn't going to work on me.

Ava: Mom!

Betty: I'm sorry darling... but I'm not going to take marital advice from my twenty-eight year old newlywed daughter!

Ava: I'm a professional!

Betty: And you're a hopeless romantic. You've been watching Gone With the Wind every Thanksgiving for the last twenty-five years.

Ava: It's a very long weekend!

Bradley: Yeh... and I would give it up honey, Rhett Butler's never going to stick around.

Bradley: [siren] I'll get it.

Bradley: Jake... get the hell out!

Bradley: [Badly clone has lifted Tins shirt slightly to reveal her belly button] Look at that, a built-in M&M holder!

Hannah: [Runs out of the hotel room screaming] AAAGGGHHHH!

Bradley: What goin-

[trips up]

Jon: [comes out with a baseball bat] Nobody move-

[trips over Bradley]

Rachel: [comes out with her eyes covered] Guys why has it gone all dark?-

[trips over Jon]

Tina: What are you lot doing down there?

Rachel: Am I dreaming? What's this big hard thing?

Tina: Jon

Jon: Get off!

Rachel: Oh sorry

Jo: What is going on in here?

Hannah: [still screaming] AAAGGHHHH!

Hannah: Look at the time! We've missed our flight! Alistair's gonna kill us!

[Everyone starts screaming]

Rachel: [after entering a room full of clones] Is that Posh Spice eating a steak and kidney pie?

Hannah: Well that proves she's not the real thing.

Hannah: There's Robbie Williams having a food fight with Eminem.

Tina: And Ozzy Osbourne! I can't believe they cloned Ozzy Osbourne.

Bradley: No, that's the real Ozzy Osbourne. Victor never cloned him. He's a mad scientist, but he's not insane.

Bradley: Butt-sniffers! They're not gonna get away with it!

Steven: Forget it, man. They're too big! We can't win.

Bradley: Maybe you can make me some pants like his... or did your girlfriend already rip out the seats in the Dodge?

Bradley: Hey, Hank what are you doin?

Henry: Paintin', crackers

Bradley: I know, but you're not packed, why aren't you packed?

Henry: Cause I'm not goin'

Bradley: Remember when we talked about this last week? Your family coming to come take you home?

Henry: Yeah, but I changed my mind, I'm gonna stay

Bradley: Your family is coming to pick you up, you're going home.

Henry: But, I live here.

Bradley: No, man this is a pit stop. I hear you got a beautiful place man and your family is gonna be there.

Henry: But you're not gonna be there.

Bradley: No, I gotta hang here.

Henry: But I don't know them.

Bradley: They'll be there for you, they're gonna take care of you.

Henry: Well I don't want them to take care of me Bradley! I don't! No!

Bradley: Hank, come on man

Henry: Leave me alone, Bradley

Bradley: Hank you're gonna be just fine, ok?

Henry: I just can't remember.

Bradley: That woman is hot.

Henry: I know. You gotta get you some of that.

Bradley: My brother was married. One day he came home, found out she was cheating.

Henry: Cheating?

Bradley: Doin' the serious with another man.

Henry: Oh, no.

Bradley: Oh, yeah.

Bradley: [recurring line] I gotta get me some of that.

Bradley: Hey Hank, whatcha doin'?

Henry: Paintin'. Crackers.

Dane: Do you know why I'm going to hurt you?

[grips Brad's face]

Dane: "Because you can't stop me!" Remember that, Brad?

Bradley: Please don't cut off my fingers. Please don't cut off my fingers. Please don't cut off my fingers!

[Lt. D'Agosta and Det. Hollingsworth show up to the crime scene in the bathroom]

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: This is not good.

Martini: Never thought there'd be a worse way to die than a shark attack. Having my head ripped off never occurred to me.

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Where is his head?

Det. Hollingsworth: It's over there by the sink.

Margo Green: [Dr. Green walks into the crime scene mistakenly] Lieutenant D'Agosta...

[screaming at the dead body and blood across the room]

Margo Green: Oh, my God! Oh!

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Get her out of here!

Bradley: Lieutenant! Over here.

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [Det. Hollingsworth attempts to walk over the dead body] No! Don't step over it

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [Det. Hollingsworth brings his leg back to walk around the body] It's bad luck. Jesus Christ.

Bradley: There's a half-burnt joint on the floor.

[chuckling]

Bradley: Seems our boy was having a little pot in the potty.

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Pot's a misdemeanor. Decapitation seems a bit severe.

[the forensics team member continues to chuckle]

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I want the blood on the walls. Get a ballistic analysis. Pinpoint source, speed, force - Full splatter pattern.

[Lt. D'Agosta and his search team use dogs to search the underground tunnels to the museum]

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: We've gone off the map, Evans.

Evans: This is the old coal tunnel.

Bradley: Lieutenant!

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Yeah?

Bradley: That scent seems to be getting stronger.

Det. Hollingsworth: What the hell is this?

Evans: Electric trams hauled coal right into the basement from the old barges. It's how Chicago stayed warm.

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: How far does it go?

Evans: This one goes all the way to Lake Michigan. At least that's what they say. No one really comes down here.

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: So let me ask you something, could somebody get off a ship docked at the lake and go through these tunnels all the way to the museum and not be seen?

Evans: Sure.

Bradley: Hey, we're moving now guys.

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Let's go!

[the group begins to run as the dogs snarl them forward, when they arrive to a tighter more pitch black tunnel]

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What in God's name is that smell?

Bradley: I don't like this.

Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Okay, we can do this.

Bradley: Hey kid go tell Swaney that the Head wants to see Jason Banks.

Bradley: [Kid tells him to go tell them himself] Oi you cheeky little prick, do as you're told.

Marcus: Kids these days, No fucking respect.

Bradley: I blame the schools.

Bradley: Have you been upsetting my guests?

Jez: No bro, I was joking, ya get me? Wah

[Jez gropes Marcus' fake boobs]

Marcus: Don't play with the things.

Bradley: I ain't your fucking bro.

Jez: Listen you lot need to chill out, it's Darren Mullet's leaving do. The fat twat is dead, you gotta drink to that. Ya get me? Gimme some.

[Jez holds his hands up to slap onto Marcus'. Marcus doesn't move and pulls jez hands down]

Bradley: Why the fuck did you just say that shit to me?

Jez: Bradley, mate it's me.

Bradley: Sort him out

[walks away]

Jez: [Jez calls after him] Mate come on. Bradley, it's me, it's Jeremy.

Marcus: Shhhhhhhhhhh...

[Marcus shouts in the style of Leonidas in 300]

Marcus: SUCK MY TITTIES!

[kicks Jez into the pool]

Bradley: Alright Jizzum Wanks you little twat, tomorrow at school, I'm going to make kebabs out of your nads.

Bradley: Fuck me, i'm out of breath. Now what i was trying to say was how sorry I am that Mullet decided to top himself. A bit selfish of him really, leaving Mr. jizzy no mates here, not one fat spaz to call a friend.

Jason: YOU BASTARD!

Bradley: Arr! You're a plucky little fucker aren't you. Now Mullet is dead which means he can't be sending us texts, I don't think that he can get a signal up there, do you?

Marcus: I can't even get a signal in the bogs.

Bradley: Exactly. Now being Shrek risen from the dead, ain't a bad gag. So give me his phone and we'll call it quits.

Jason: I haven't got his phone.

Bradley: Jason, Jason, Jason, you're only hurting yourself mate

[punches Jason in the face]

Marcus: It's from mullet.

[receives a text]

Bradley: Can't be.

Marcus: Who is doing this Brad?

Bradley: Who is doing this Brad?

[he says mockingly]

Bradley: How the FUCK should I know?

[kicks jason]

Marcus: Brad, Wasn't him.

Bradley: I don't give a fuck, gets on my tits anyway.

Marcus: Is it true then? Are you actually kicking in her back door?

Bradley: That's my girlfriend you're talking about you fucking moron.

Marcus: I said not to CALL ME THAT!

[They both laugh]

Marcus: Twat.

Justine: Bradley, you are so fucking childish.

Bradley: [He looks at Alex] Bro, you better put a muzzle on that bitch of yours.

Bradley: He's dead ok, he's fucking dead. I'm gonna prove it.

Alexis: Oh yeah and how are you gonna do that?

Bradley: I'm gonna dig the fucker up.

Bradley: So that's Quirt Evans. He's quite a man with the gals. He's closed the eyes of many a man... and opened the eyes of many a woman.

[last lines]

Bradley: [the marshal picks up Quirt's gun] Hey, Quirt might need that!

Territorial Marshal Wistful McClintock: No. Only a man that carries a gun ever needs one.

Bradley: What are you going to do with it?

Territorial Marshal Wistful McClintock: Hang it on a wall in my office - with a new rope.

[Bradley has come into the saloon and tells Laredo that Quirt's waiting for him. Laredo gets up and pours himself a drink]

Laredo Stevens: Well, they say a cat's got nine lives. Maybe old Quirt's part cat.

Bradley: He also said he was curious to know how much whiskey it would take... to build up your nerve to come out.

Hondo Jeffries: You're fixin' to get your ears pinned back.

Laredo Stevens: There's a better pair of ears out in the street if you wanna pin somebody's ears back!

[hands the glass to Bradley]

Laredo Stevens: Here, you drink this.

Bradley: Sure... if I don't have to stand near ya.

Laredo Stevens: Come on.

Hondo Jeffries: I wonder if that sharpshootin' marshal's around town?

Bradley: Oh, I saw him ride out of town an hour ago.

Hondo Jeffries: That's good. I wouldn't want him around here to spoil our play.

Laredo Stevens: Yeah. I bet that's just exactly how you meant that.

George Lennox: So er... what did you do?

Bradley: CIA, Tegucigalpa, '81 to '84, Honduras. You?

George Lennox: Bus driver, double-decker, number 72, Glasgow

[impish smile]