Brad Gurdlinger Quotes in We're the Millers (2013)

David Clark: [On the phone] We're at the Corrales Regional Medical Center in the middle of Buttfuck, New Mexico.

Brad Gurdlinger: Why?

David Clark: Why? Why? Because this goddamn Kenny kid got his fucking nuts bit by a giant-ass spider, that's why!

Brad Gurdlinger: That is amazing. Will you let me know if he develops any superpowers?

David Clark: What the fuck is that?

Brad Gurdlinger: Oh, my orca. Yeah, I bought an orca. I make a lot of money.

David Clark: So you bought a whale?

Brad Gurdlinger: Well, I don't like sports cars.

Brad Gurdlinger: Listen, this is a fucked up situation. But, I might have a win-win situation for both of us.

David Clark: Great.

Brad Gurdlinger: I have a smidge of very choice marijuana down in Mexico, and I need it here by Sunday night, but my regular currier is unavailable on the account of the fact he got gunned down. Anyway, that's where you come in.

David Clark: Who the fuck is Pablo Chacon?

Brad Gurdlinger: I am. Yo soy Pablo Chacon. You don't get a lot of respect from the Mexicans when your name is Brad Gurdlinger, right?

Brad Gurdlinger: Go for B-Rad

David Clark: Hey Brad, what the fuck!

Brad Gurdlinger: Uh oh, something wrong?

David Clark: Yeah, something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong. You said a smidge of pot, and this is not a smidge.

Brad Gurdlinger: Smidge and half, no?

David Clark: Look, you got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson, man. Ok, they are used a god damn bucket brigade to put it on the RV as we speak!

Brad Gurdlinger: Wait, you just walked in there, told them you were picking up for Pablo Chacon, and they were like "Yeah, no problem?"

David Clark: Why do you sound suprized by this?

Brad Gurdlinger: It's all here! I'm blown away David, great job. But it's late, deadline was last night, so... sorry buddy. No deal.

David Clark: Brad, I almost got killed over this shit twice.

Brad Gurdlinger: Look, i'm not gonna be an asshole about this. I got two tons of premium weed, and yes you got Chacon pinched in the process, which is a huge win for team Brad. So how about we shake hands and call it even?

David Clark: You were never gonna pay me, were you?

Brad Gurdlinger: Is that a dick move? I can never tell anymore.

[DEA team then breaks in and arrests everybody]

Brad Gurdlinger: [as Brad is being handcuffed] You double crossed me!

David Clark: Kind of a dick move. right?

Brad Gurdlinger: [On the phone with David] I'm just getting some singing lessons from my main man Ben Folds Five. Ain't that right Ben Folds Five?

Ben Folds - Piano Teacher: My name is Ben Folds. "Five" is the name of the band.

Brad Gurdlinger: Remember the song we used to listen to? 'She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly' I've fucking got the guy. He's like my personal bitch.

Ben Folds - Piano Teacher: This gig sucks.

Brad Gurdlinger: Don't talk to me like that. I will have you killed and no one will miss your fucking nerd music.