Brad Allen Quotes in Pillow Talk (1959)

Brad Allen: [on the phone pretending to be Rex] Am I gonna see you tonight?

Jan: I'd love to Rex, but I already have a date.

Brad Allen: Who with?

Jan: A client. You don't know him. Jonathan Forbes.

Brad Allen: Of course, you're not the kind of girl who would break a date.

Jan: No I'm not.

Brad Allen: And I ain't the kinda guy who'd ask you to.

Jan: I know you're not.

Brad Allen: I'll pick you up at 8.

Jan: I'll be ready.

Brad Allen: Are you getting out of that bed, or am I coming in after you?

Jan: You wouldn't dare!

Jan: He was a perfect gentleman.

Brad Allen: That's even worse than I thought.

Jan: What do you mean?

Brad Allen: Well there are some men who... hmmm how shall I put it? Well they're very fond of their mothers... They like to share bits of gossip... collect recipes.

Jan: What a vicious thing to say!

Brad Allen: Look, I don't know what's bothering you, but don't take your bedroom problems out on me.

Jan: I have no bedroom problems. There's nothing in my bedroom that bothers me.

Brad Allen: Oh-h-h-h. That's too bad.

Brad Allen: I've had hangovers before, but this time, even my hair hurts.

Brad Allen: Why don't you take her over for the rest of the evening?

Jonathan Forbes: Me?

Brad Allen: Yeah! Take her dancing maybe. She's dying to learn how to dance.

Jonathan Forbes: Wait wait. She doesn't know how to dance?

Brad Allen: Well naturally, she doesn't get out of the house very often.

Jonathan Forbes: What do you mean, "naturally"?

Brad Allen: Jonathan, believe me, you and Moose - I mean Miss Taggett will get along...

Jonathan Forbes: "Moose"?

Brad Allen: So what the girl picks up a nickname? You know, how cruel kids can be. Especially, when some is a little different.

Jonathan Forbes: Different? How Different?

Brad Allen: Well... You know...

[hesitatingly points to face]

Brad Allen: ... , just different.

Jonathan Forbes: [Pointing to a fat lady sitting at a table] That couldn't be her, could it?

Brad Allen: How can you tell?

[waves at the lady, who waves back]

Brad Allen: See? She's so friendly. C'mon.

Jonathan Forbes: Oh no! It's your muse. Happy Hunting!

[Gets coat, and leaves]

Brad Allen: Yes, indeed.

Jonathan Forbes: Owww!

Brad Allen: What?

Jonathan Forbes: That chair. It just bit me.

Jonathan Forbes: Brad, she is the sweetest, she is the loveliest, she is the most talented woman I have ever met.

Brad Allen: That's what you said when you married that stripper.

Jonathan Forbes: She wasn't a stripper. She was an exotic dancer... with trained doves.

Jan: [Jan and Brad are on the phone discussing a phone schedule] We're just going to have to live with each other.

Brad Allen: [Jan pauses, waiting for a response] Well?

Jan: I was waiting for you to say some off-color remark.

Brad Allen: Is that all you have on your mind?

Jan: Never mind my mind! You just stick to your half hour and I'll stick to mine!

Jan: [walks in after finishing a meeting with Jonathan and seeing Alma's on the kitchen extension] Hi, All, any calls?

Alma: [swooning, puts her hand over the receiver] It's him.

[Alma goes back to listening on the phone, and Jan smirks and looks at her watch]

Jan: [Jan walks over to Alma, and takes the phone out of her hand] Mr. Allen, you're on *my* half-hour.

[Jan hangs the phone up with a smirk]

Alma: Party pooper!

[Alma grabs her bag, and lumbers to the front door]

Jan: [Jan chuckles and starts walking away when the phone rings. She picks it up] Hello?

Brad Allen: Don't ever do that, again.

Jan: Mr. Allen, we made an agreement; you were on *my* time.

Brad Allen: Alright. So, I overlapped by a few measly minutes. What am I supposed to do when someone calls me? Be as rude as you are?

Jan: Have you anything else to say?

Brad Allen: Yes. Get off my back, lady. Stop living vicariously on what you think I do! There are plenty of warm rolls in the bakery - stop pressing your nose against the window!

[slams phone down]

Brad Allen: [Regarding Alma] The State Department could use her. What a party girl she'd make; in Moscow!

Brad Allen: Did she cry?

Jonathan Forbes: Cry? I never knew a woman that size had that much water in her.