Bones Quotes in Star Trek Beyond (2016)

Bones: [hears song "Sabotage" blaring] Is that classical music I'm hearing?

Spock: Yes, doctor, I believe it is.

Bones: Well, at least I won't die alone.

[Spock is teleported away]

Bones: Urban, Karl@Bones}: Well, that's just typical.

Sulu: Attention: John Harrison. This is Captain Hikaru Sulu of the USS Enterprise. A shuttle of highly trained officers is on its way to your location. If you do not surrender to them immediately, I will unleash the entire payload of advanced long-range torpedoes currently locked on to your location. You have two minutes to confirm your compliance. Refusal to do so will result in your obliteration. And If you test me, you will fail.

Bones: Mr. Sulu, remind me never to piss you off.

James T. Kirk: If Spock were here, and I were there, what would he do?

Bones: He'd let you die.

Bones: Don't agree with me, Spock, it makes me very uncomfortable.

Spock: Perhaps, you too should learn to govern your emotions, Doctor.

Bones: Damn it, man, I'm a doctor, not a torpedo technician!

Spock: The fact that your are a doctor is precisely why I need you to listen very carefully.

Bones: Five years in space, God help me.

Bones: You were barely dead, it was the transfusion that really took its toll. You were in a coma for two weeks.

James T. Kirk: Transfusion?

Bones: Your cells were heavily irradiated. We had no choice.

James T. Kirk: Khan?

Bones: We synthesized a serum from his... super blood. Tell me, are you feeling homicidal, power-mad, despotic?

James T. Kirk: No more than usual.

Bones: You don't rob a bank when your getaway car has a flat tire.

[first lines]

Bones: Damn it, man! That was our ride! You just stunned our ride!

James T. Kirk: Oh, great.

Bones: Jim, you just sat that man down at a high-stakes poker game with no cards and told him to bluff. Now, Sulu's a good man, but he's no captain.

James T. Kirk: For the next two hours, he is. And enough with the metaphors, all right? That's an order.

Bones: [to Kirk] Are you out of your cornfed mind?

Bones: Why the hell did he surrender?

James T. Kirk: I don't know. But he just took out a squad of Klingons single-handedly. I want to know how.

Bones: Sounds like we have a superman on board.

James T. Kirk: You tell me.

Bones: [to Carol] Sweetheart, I once performed an emergency C-section on a pregnant Gorn. Octuplets, and let me tell you, those little bastards bite. I think I can work some magic on your missile.

[from trailer]

Spock: Captain, I cannot allow you to do this!

Bones: Jim, you're not actually going after this guy, are you?

James T. Kirk: I have no idea what I'm supposed to do! I only know what I *can* do!

James T. Kirk: [over the comm] Bones, thanks for helping out. Dr. Marcus asked for the steadiest hands on the ship.

Bones: [disgruntled with his dangerous mission and aware of Kirk's attraction to Dr. Marcus] You know, when I dreamed about being stuck on a deserted planet with a gorgeous woman, there was no torpedo!

James T. Kirk: Dr. McCoy, may I remind you that you're not there to flirt.

Bones: So how can these legendary hands help you, Dr. Marcus?

James T. Kirk: Bones...

Scotty: No! I'm not signing anything! Now get these bloody things off my ship!

[sees Kirk]

Scotty: Captain!

James T. Kirk: Is there a problem, Mr. Scott?

Scotty: Aye, sir! I was just explaining to this gentlemen that I cannae authorize any weapons on board this ship without knowing what's inside them!

Spock: Mr. Scott raises yet another point that le...

James T. Kirk: Report to the bridge.

Spock: Captain.

[leaves the engineering room]

James T. Kirk: Mr. Scott, I understand your concerns but we need these torpedoes on board!

Scotty: Due respect, sir, but photo torpedoes run on fuel, now I cannae detect the type of fuel that's in the compartments on these torpedoes because it's shielded. Now I asked for the specifications but he says...

[gestures to Torpedo Security]

Torpedo Security: It's classified.

Scotty: [repeating exasperatedly] It's classified. So I said; no specs, no signature!

Sulu: [from deck above] Captain, flight checks complete, we're good to go, sir.

James T. Kirk: Thank you, Mr. Sulu.

Sulu: Yes, sir.

Scotty: Now if you'll excuse me, sir, I have a warp core to prime.

[walks away]

Scotty: [to Keenser] Get down!

Bones: Jim, your vitals are way off...

James T. Kirk: Report to the medbay.

[follows Scotty to the warp core]

James T. Kirk: Scotty! I need you to approve those weapons.

Bones: What ever happened with that thing about your wife?

Dr. Richard Kimble: It's not over yet.

Bama McCall: [Bama is introducing Gator to his seven-foot-tall bodyguard] Ask him why they call him "Bones."

Gator McKlusky: Why they call you "Bones?"

Bones: Because I TELL them to!

Zee: I'm just creeped out. You know, I saw an ambulance here today.

Bones: So...

Zee: So, maybe Nebbercracker really did die.

Bones: We should be so lucky, the guy was evil.

Zee: No, he was just a grumpy old dude.

Bones: Oh really? Zee? When I was 10 years old. I had a kite. Awesome kite. I could fly it so high you couldn't see it. One day, it crashed down, I followed the string, and it landed right over there, across the street right on the edge of his lawn.

Zee: Awww, did he take your kite?

Bones: Yeah, he takes everything that lands on his lawn. But that's not the point, the point is, I saw him talking to his house, and kissing it. Besides, everybody knows what he did to his wife.

Zee: Why? What? What did he do to her?

Bones: He ate her!

[jumps on top of Zee]

[last lines]

Zee: Skull's not like you. He makes time for me and gives me the respect I deserve.

Bones: Whatever.

Zee: Bones!

Bones: I've seen lots of camel toes before, but never on a camel!

Bones: We're the few. The proud. The WATERBOYS!

Bones: Actually, I wish you WERE my "first" sergeant, but I already had a couple before you.

1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: Have my words fallen upon deaf ears?

Bones: Yes, Sergeant! I mean No, Sergeant!

1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: Don't you know that I'm your First Seargent?

Bones: I really wish you were my First Sergeant, but I already had a couple ones already.

1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: Drop and give me push ups! You will continue to give me push ups until you learn to address me as First Sergeant! Is that clear?

Bones: Yes. First Sergeant!

1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: Go!

Bones: One, First Sergeant, Two First Sergeant...

Sgt. Ladd: This is exactly like practice, except this is a real live grenade. You will do exactly as you have been trained.

Bones: Yes, Drill Seargent!

Sgt. Ladd: When I give the command to execute, you will drop the pin and throw the grenade.

Bones: Yes, Drill Seargent!

Sgt. Ladd: Drop the pin, throw the grenade!

Bones: Yes, Drill Seargent!

Sgt. Ladd: Execute.

Bones: [Drops grenade and throws pin]

Sgt. Ladd: Move it!

Bones: Thank you, Drill Seargent, you saved my life. I owe you one.

Sgt. Ladd: No, you owe me fifty!

Bones: Oh yeah, "Its not a job, it's an adventure."

Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant: No, that's the Navy.

Bones: "The few and the proud?"

Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant: No, that's the Marines.

Bones: "Keep going, going and gone?"

Jack: No, that's the Energizer Bunny.

Richard Day, Recruiting Sergeant: Gentlemen, we're "Be all you can be"

Bones: In the Arrrmy!

Bones: Can I call you 'General Sweetpants'?

Bones: Thank you, sir. But I could not have done it without the help and inspiration of my brother, the poolman.

Bones: Gabriella, she broke my heart. Thankfully I'm too shallow to let it keep bummed for too long!

Bones: You're sitting in the chair, like "Can somebody

[coughing,gagging]

Bones: help me?"

[coughing]

Fred Ostroff: See, see that's what I'm talking about!

Bones: Where did the sun go?

Jack: There is no sun anymore. We died, and this is hell.

Bones: Oh, ok. Thanks for clearing that up.

Sgt. Ladd: Drop down and give me twenty!

Bones: Here. Take the whole wallet.

Bones: I don't know. How does it feel to be a dick, dick?

Bones: Is it hot in Chad?

[Bones, Fred, Christine, and Jack are in their tent at night]

Bones: Hey this reminds me of camp... John Jacob Jingle Himenschmidt

[Fred, Christine, Bones, and Jack sing the rest]

Bones, Christine, Jack, and Fred: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! John...

Other Troops: SHUT UP!

[silence]

[Jack is trying to get the truck out of the sand and is having trouble]

Bones: Your sucking too much sand in the air filter! I'M ORDERING YOU!

Jack: Your ordering me?

Bones: I'm first class...

[laughs]

Bones: now I'm ordering you!

Jack: The only reason your first class is cause your brother is a poolman! (Truck makes a poping noise and

[Jack is naked after seeing a mirage of the ocean]

Bones: Wow Jack... LOOK AT THAT ASS! Wooo! Maybe you should stay naked!

Bones: [Jack and Bones are selling things for a camel. Bones takes Jacks watch] How about this watch?

Jack: No, not the watch. It has a compass.

Bones: ...it has a compass? You mean to tell me that we have been out in this desert for three days and you had a compass the entire time? Ooooh, Jack. You're going to get a lot of noogies for this.

Jack: I forgot.

Bones: Yeah? Well now you're going to forget about this watch cause it's gone now!

1st Sgt. Brandon T. Williams: I am First Sergeant Brandon T. Williams. It is my intention to run this company like a clock. If one gear slips in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. First Sergeant Williams likes his clock to tell the right time. Do you understand me?

Other Troops: Yes, First Sergeant!

Jack: What did he just say?

Bones: I don't know, something about his clock being broken.

Bug: Hey, smell my finger.

Bones: No.

Bones: Come on in. We don't bite. Unless you want us to.

Bones: You're still just a piece of tail around here, even if it does come in red pants.

[Bones takes his brother Frankie to Rat]

Bones: Can you watch Franky for me?

Rat: Why?

Bones: 'Cause I'm gonna break the spell.

[Rat asks Bones if he believes her about the spell]

Rat: [Rat whispering] Now you believe me about the spell?

Bones: [Bones whispering] No.

Rat: [Rat whispering] Well, you know, the only way to break it is to bring a piece to the surface.

[Bones tells Rat that he found a road that leads underwater]

Bones: I found a road that goes underwater.

Rat: Where?

Bones: Behind the old zoo.

Rat: Must go down to that town.

Bones: What town?

Rat: You know, the town... at the bottom of the reservoir.

Bones: [Bones scoffs] That's crazy. What does that mean?

Rat: It's not really that crazy. They flooded a bunch of towns when they dammed the river. That's why they call this Lost River.

[Rat asks Bones why doesn't he just leave]

Rat: Why don't you just get out of this place? What's keeping you here? You've got your car.

Bones: I mean, my Mom... still feels attached to the house, and Franky.

Rat: Is that what's keeping you here? Your Mom and Franky?

Bones: I don't know. What else... what else do I have?

[Bones asks Rat if she'll leave with him]

Bones: What about you?

Rat: What about me?

Bones: What if something happened, and we had to leave tomorrow? Would you come? Would you leave?

Rat: Me and you?

Bones: Yeah, me and you.

Rat: [Rat smiles] Maybe.

[Bones talks to his neighbor Skip who's moving away]

Bones: Think you'll ever come back?

Skip: Know what? Nobody's coming back. It's over with. Gotta get out of here. You gotta get out of here, too.

Bones: Yeah, well, as soon as I get my car fixed, I'll get outta here.

Skip: I don't wanna leave, but I wanna live. Look at this. I had a wonderful childhood. So far, a wonderful life. Just... Just sad what happened. Just sad what happened.

[Rat tells Bones about the spell over Lost River]

Rat: My grandmother used to live there. She hasn't been the same ever since. No one has. As soon as the last town was drowned... an evil spell was cast on Lost River.

Bones: I think you're making it up.

Rat: I'm not. That's why this whole place feels like it's underwater, too. It's true. Makes sense... everything that's going on around here. It's got to be for some reason.

[Bones tells his mother Billy that he's going out]

Bones: I'm going out.

Billy: You have to watch Franky.

Bones: Can you watch him?

Billy: I have to go to work!

Bones: Please?

[Rat tells Bones that Bully is trouble]

Rat: Why would you still something from Bully? Why would you do something that stupid?

Bones: 'Cause it was mine.

Rat: You can't steal from a guy like that.

Bones: Fuck, he stole from me. I mean...

Rat: Whether you stole from him or he stole from you, he's still gonna cut your head off. He's trouble. He'll hurt you.

Higgins: You call yourself a dentist, will ya?

Bones: Now wait a minute, mister! Let's talk this over!

Higgins: By the time I get through with you, you'll not be talkin' - just lispin' you'll be - with meself as a dentist, too, and I won't pull your teeth; I'll be knockin' 'em through the back of your head!

Steve Langdon: Then you decided to take up denistry?

Bones: Oh, yeah, I was lookin' at a book he left back there and I figgered denistry wasn't nothin'. Pullin' teeth just took a little muscle.

Steve Langdon: And judgment.

Bones: Yeah, maybe I should have read the book instead of lookin' at the pictures.

Steve Langdon: Say, does that stuff really cure pain?

Bones: Well, it's kinda like my singin'... takes your mind off of other aches.

Lucky Barton: What are you going to do?

Bones: I'm writing a letter from Captain Rogers to Warden James telling him to release Collins into my custody.

Lucky Barton: You can't sign Captain Rogers' name to a thing like that. That's arson! Er, that's larceny! You get life for larceny!

Bones: Then I'm sending a telegram to the warden, telling him that Collins has been reprieved. I'm signing the governor's name to it.

Lucky Barton: Oh, that's double larceny!

Bones: Yup. Double or nothing!

Lucky Barton: Hey, that might be a good idea at that.

Reporter: We newspapermen get some pretty grim assignments, don't we. First time you've been invited to a hanging?

Bones: Well, the first time, I wasn't exactly invited... I was sort of roped in.

Bones: Boy this riding bareback is hard on your... morale.