Boingo Quotes in Hoodwinked! (2005)

Boingo: You've been Hoodwinked, baby!

The Wolf: [pretending to be a building inspector] Let me level with you, you're an evil genius, right?

Boingo: Well, I don't know if I'd say "genius," you know. I was asked to join Mensa.

The Wolf: Well, you got yourself an evil lair in a mountain cave. That's standard, but see, most masters of evil that we deal with are up to evil genius code. Are you familiar with the code?

Boingo: You know, I'm more of a do-it-yourself kind of guy. Yeah.

The Wolf: I understand. Are you thinking about puttin' in a laser?

Boingo: I don't know. I don't... Do you think I should?

The Wolf: Well, it's standard equipment for a cave lair. I'm not saying you're going to zap someone with it today, but you gotta think about the future. Those things have gotta be calibrated.

Boingo: I smell hairspray

[looks up and sees Granny]

Boingo: Oh, you'd best be fearing the ear baby!

Boingo: Dolph, tie up the brat; Liesel, hold the book; Vincent, get the truck; and Keith... darn it change your name, please. That's not scary and I'm embarrassed to say it. Boris, try that. Keith, ya know, OOOO Watch out for Keith!

Twitchy: [catching up, out of breath after chasing Red] So when do we eat?

The Wolf: Sure, you hungry for failure? Maybe a side of unemployment? 'Cause that's what's for lunch.

Twitchy: What do we do?

The Wolf: We go right to the source. We've gotta get to Granny's before the kid does.

[Boingo appears]

Boingo: Is it a surprise?

The Wolf: Surprise for who?

Boingo: You're going over to Granny's house to surprise Red. I mean, is it her birthday, or some kind of shim dig, 'cause I'm great at parties! Watch me pull myself out of a hat!

[scratches his right ear against his head with a very forced grimace]

The Wolf: Yeah, big surprise party. You know how to get there?

Boingo: Oh, yeah. Yeah. In fact, I know a shortcut.

The Wolf: [to Twitchy, incredulous] You hear that? He knows a shortcut.

Boingo: Over the woods and through the river... No, you don't wanna go through the river. You'll get all wet.

The Wolf: You see, Twitchy? You get lemons, you make lemonade.

[Cuts to the Wolf and Twitchy walking in ankle-deep water through a pitch-black tunnel; Twitchy turns on his camera light]

The Wolf: And then that lemonade goes bitter, and ferments, and turns to pig-swill. Never trust a bunny with directions, Twitchy.

Twitchy: Sure thing, boss! Never trust a bunny!

The Wolf: Well the bright side is at least I finally dried off.

[immediately falls into a small hole, soaking his hoodie and bringing the water up to his waist]

The Wolf: Why couldn't I write movie reviews? We are in a pickle, and I blame myself. That bunny was worthless, not to mention he wrote the directions on an Easter Egg...

[holds up a brightly colored Easter egg with illegible text scribbled on the side]

The Wolf: ... which is very hard to read.

Twitchy: Oh, we're gonnadie here!

The Wolf: Come on, that's what they said at the Alamo!

Boingo: [to tied and gagged Red] Hey, you're a delivery girl, right? Then could you do me a favor? Could you take this down the mountain? 'Cause it absolutely, positively has to be there TONIGHT!

The Woodsman: [disguised as Dolph] Uh, Mister Rabbit...

Boingo: Dolph! Where have you been? You nimwitted Eurotrash with the... what is that, a ski mask?

The Woodsman: Uh, I, um, yah...

Boingo: I like that! See, that's scary. Yeah that's good...

The Woodsman: Um, b-boss...

Boingo: WHAT? Say it! Spit it out! What's goin' on?

The Woodsman: Um... boss, uh,

[singing]

The Woodsman: Paul's bunion cream/has the soothing formula...

The Wolf: [interrupts, also in disguise] Hi there! What he means to say is that I'm the building inspector.

The Woodsman: Yah, yes!

The Wolf: I just need to tap the pipes; see if your wiring's up to par.

Boingo: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, you're not... no, you can't touch anything in here.

The Wolf: [pauses] Let's walk.

Red: You're crazy!

Boingo: Maybe so, but I'm top of the woods now baby!

Boingo: Oh you best be fearing the ear, baby!

[to the bound and gagged Red]

Boingo: I'm sorry, what... I can't quite... with the... you got something right there across your mouth!

[Dolph and Boingo get off the tram at the top terminal]

Dolph: I don't like it. The cops are all over the place.

Boingo: Forget about the cops! We've got everything we need right here!

Dolph: What about the old lady? She's alive. She'll be back.

Boingo: You just don't get it, do you, Dolph? I'm done! I'm done dancing for the man - The Muffin Man! And Granny! They can both take a hike! I'm never gonna answer to anyone ever again!

[Boingo bursts out wailing, then cackles, then cries, all in a matter of seconds, then immediately sobers up]

Boingo: Oh! I just love my job!

[He and Dolph start walking down the loading ramp]

Boingo: You see how it works, Dolph? You prioritize, you set your goals, you write a mission statement. You ask yourself, "Where do I see me in five years?"

Red Puckett: How about behind bars?

[Boingo turns around and sees Red standing at the bottom of the ramp, glaring at him]

Boingo: [surprised] Red! Oh! Hey, Red! What are you- you've spoiled the surprise!

Red Puckett: You're the bandit!

[beat]

Boingo: Surprise!

[while Red is riding her bike, Boingo spots her]

Boingo: Hey, Red!

[hops into her bike basket as she passes]

Boingo: Ohh, nice outfit! Always red with you. You must be in autumn.

Red Puckett: Hey, Boingo. Aren't you helping the Muffin Man today?

Boingo: [glum] Na, he closed up shop. Someone stole all his recipes last night, and now I'm out of a job.

Red Puckett: Oh, geez, Boingo, I'm really sorry. Are you still working the cable car?

Boingo: Yeah, yeah I am but it's not as fun as making goodies all day.

Red Puckett: Would a carrot crumpet make you feel better?

[hands him one]

Boingo: [brightening] Oh boy! Oh boy! Thanks, Red, I can always count on you to deliver, you little rascal... devil!

Red Puckett: Yeah, well, the woods don't go 'round by themselves.