Bob Summers Quotes in Mallrats (1995)

Brandi: Suitor number 3, is your kiss like a soft breeze, a firm handshake or a jackhammer?

Gil Hicks: Definitely a jackhammer, I'm in there with some pressure and when I'm done, you're not the same as before. You're changed.

Brodie: Where do you come up with this shit? That's the cheesiest response to an honest question I have ever heard. I saw you kiss and it wasn't anything like that.

Bob Summers: [Chuckling] Suitor #2, you'll have to wait until you're addressed before you respond.

Brodie: Richard Dawson, why don't you just go back to your podium until it's time to play The Feud. All right?

[Audience laughs]

Gil Hicks: Who the hell did you see me kiss?

Brodie: Some dude backstage. I don't know who he was but he seemed unimpressed.

Gil Hicks: I didn't kiss any guy backstage. I swear. I'm not gay.

Brodie: Hey, Suitorette, this guys a homophobe. You heard how repulsed he sounded. Is this the kind of guy you want to spend a vacation with? This hate-monger?

Gil Hicks: I don't hate gay people.

Brodie: So you love them?

Gil Hicks: Yes. I mean no.

Brodie: Textbook closet case self-loather. Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality.

Bob Summers: Our first suitor goes to Marymount College where he majors in economics. Say hi to Doug Paging!

Jay: DO IT DOUG!