Bob Roberts Quotes in My Science Project (1985)

Detective Nulty: What's your name, cowboy?

Bob Roberts: Robert Roberts, Esquire to you, honky!

Bob Roberts: [after testing the gizmo with a metal detector, which goes haywire and shorts out] It's not real. I mean... it's some sort of, it's some sort of power plant. My machine's gotta be broken.

Ellie Sawyer: Bob, why would your machine be broken?

Bob Roberts: Because if it isn't broken Michael, this thing you found is older than earth!

Bob Roberts: You guys skipped my science finals today! Where were you?

Michael Harlan: We got kinda hung up in the auto shop...

Vince Latello: Yeah, in the ozone.

Bob Roberts: In the ozone, Blowzone! Now look, I'm tired of you two. Let me tell you something, unless your science project is dyno-supreme

[pauses]

Bob Roberts: you both get D's!

Vince Latello: [eagerly] Hey I'll take it!

Bob Roberts: This thing is creating light and energy without heat, Michael!

Michael Harlan: How is that possible?

Bob Roberts: It's not possible! Not in this World, anyway.

Vince Latello: Whoa, what other World are we talking about?

Bob Roberts: Don't smoke crack. It's a ghetto drug.

Bob Roberts: The times they are a-changin' back.

Bob Roberts: [singing] Grandma felt guilty 'bout being so rich and it bothered her until the day she died. But I will take my inheritance and invest it with pride, yes invest it with pride.

Bob Roberts: [singing] Some people will have / Some simply will not / But they'll complain and complain and complain and complain and complain / Some people will work / Some never will / But they'll complain and complain and complain and complain and complain / Like this: / It's society's fault I don't have a job / It's society's fault I'm a slob / I'm a drunk, I don't have a brain / Give me a pamplet while I complain / Hey pal you're living in the land of the free No-one's gonna hand you opportunity

Mrs. Davis: We all think you are wonderful and we just wish there was a way we could vote for you three times.

Bob Roberts: Well, there is.

Mrs. Davis: Really?

Bob Roberts: [after a pause, then laughs] Just kidding!

Bob Roberts: [Enthusiatically] I'll be under anesthesia, that's all. There's nothing to it!

Betty Crawford: Well, what if he can't bring you back?

Bob Roberts: He won't miss! Why, inside of two hours we'll be eating chop suey and fighting about where we'll be going on our honeymoon.