Bob Chipeska Quotes in Bad Santa (2003)

Marcus: It won't happen again. I can promise you that. Willie here has low blood sugar. That's all.

Willie: That's right. I forgot to take my pill.

Bob Chipeska: It's not just the swearing. Forgive me for prying, but did one of you, um, fornicate...

Willie: Fornicate?

Bob Chipeska: Yes. With a heavy-set woman in the big-and-tall dressing room?

Willie: Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But, as far back as I can remember, I've never fornicated anybody.

Bob Chipeska: Yes... Well, even still, I think it's best for all parties considered if we...

Marcus: If we what?

Bob Chipeska: Well, I have somebody else interested in the position.

Willie: Before you do something stupid you might want to think about this shit.

Bob Chipeska: What are you talking about?

Willie: I'm talking about firing a little black midget. A small, colored, African-American small person. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your face all over goddamn USA Today, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about 150 of these little motherfuckers all over the sidewalk out there. Holding picket signs and using bullhorns and shit like that. Screaming and hollering your name out. Unfair practices, get me?

Bob Chipeska: Oh no, this is not a handicapped thing. I have nothing against you people.

Willie: You people? Did you hear that Marcus? He said 'You People.'

Marcus: Who the hell is us people?

Bob Chipeska: No... He said... But... what... No no. Um, I think it's best if we just forget we had this conversation.

Willie: Good thinking. And don't worry about us. We'll be fine. Let's get the hell out of here Marcus.

[Willie and Marcus get up to leave as Willie turns back to Bob]

Willie: You're pathetic.

Bob Chipeska: I just can't help it. There's something about the guy that makes me uneasy.

Gin: Well sure. Santa fucking someone in the ass...

Bob Chipeska: Hi. Bob Chipeska. Welcome. Great photo and resume by the way.

Marcus: Thanks. You know, we've been at this for a long time and all, so we like to think we do a good job.

Bob Chipeska: You two are perfect for this job, truly. So, I don't want his unpleasentness affect your performance in any way.

Marcus: Oh no. We...

Willie: Performance?

Bob Chipeska: Yes. Your performance. You know, the...

Willie: Do you mean sexual?

[Bob looks up at Willie in confusion]

Bob Chipeska: Excuse me?

Willie: Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear? Is that what you're saying to me?

Bob Chipeska: I'm sorry, your gear?

Marcus: Willie...

Willie: My fuck stick

[Bob makes a disgusted look]

Marcus: Willie, take a seat. You know how your blood sugar is.

Bob Chipeska: He's not going to say fuck stick in front of the children, is he?

Marcus: No! It was just a joke. An adult joke. For us, adults. It's a joke. Just a joke.

Bob Chipeska: [about Willie] Can you maybe find out something on this guy?

Gin: Fuck yeah.