Big Stan Quotes in Big Stan (2007)

Big Stan: [during climactic fight scene] Somebody didn't strengthen their titties!

Shorts: Don't go near those guys

[points to a group of men, one of whom is consulting a book]

Shorts: They're scientologists.

Big Stan: They don't look so tough.

Shorts: Yeah, they'll talk your ear off and then sue your ass.

Big Stan: Now pick up your gold teeth. I'm gonna let you keep them this time. But if you come at me again, I'm gonna hang on to them like a Swiss banker.

Big Stan: [on phone] Don't you ever find yourself feeling sorry for anybody?

The Master: [on other line] You might as well ask me if I feel sorry for the maggots I grind into my morning coffee.

Big Stan: Tell me, is your grandmother still alive? 'Cause I bet I could make her a sweet deal.

[winks]

Big Stan: By the time I'm through with her, she'll have to give hand-jobs behind the pharmacy to pay for arthritis medication.

[chuckles]

Big Stan: Two at a time, you know? Stuff you see in porno's

[to the two museum guards who wanted to catch Hawk and Five-Tone and fell]

Big Stan: Get up, you're embarrassing me!

Sheriff Vogel: I know that I ain't very clever. My expertise is in the simple, and that ain't for everybody either. Sometimes in life the truth is more than I'd prefer. This is one of those times.

Big Stan: If you need to leave, you ought to have left already. Waintin' around for lucky money, that's for sallies and lazies.

Big Stan: What the hell's going on here? I come here with my prospective buyer and you make me out to be an imbecile. All the blinds are shut. There's enough beer cans over there for a three-day binge. Phonograph turning. Looks like a hobo camp in here.

Dwayne McLaren: It won't happen again, sir.

Big Stan: You're damn right... Is your brow sweating?

Dwayne McLaren: No, sir

Big Stan: Look me in the eye when I'm talking to you.

Dwayne McLaren: I've been cleaning them parts like you said and I'm sorry about the beer.

Big Stan: I'm on to you.

Dwayne McLaren: What are you talking about?

Big Stan: Of all the places you can point a camera, you point it at a money-making crime? Now that's downright lucky and lucky don't run in your blood. You and me both know that.

Dwayne McLaren: It'd take perfect execution to pull off that ploy and I ain't smart for that.

Big Stan: Your squirrely ass don't want to know what would happen if you don't stick around. You abused my trust. I thought better of you.