Big Ben Healy Quotes in Problem Child (1990)

[Big Ben is about to go on the air for his campaign speech]

Little Ben Healy: Ok I quit as your son!

Big Ben Healy: Good, now get the hell out of here I've got a goddamn campaign to win.

Little Ben Healy: Oh your campaign, the one thing you do care about. Hey dad why don't you tell all the voters what you really plan on doing with this town!

[turns on the TV camera]

Big Ben Healy: [not realizing that he's on TV] I don't give a rats ass for the voters! All I care about is the power and the power that'll give me the money. That's why I'm a success and you're not! America for the Americans. You believe that nonsense? You're stupider than I thought! I'd sell my soul to the Japanese if they made me an offer. And as for you, don't come suckering around me if you want something! The only thing you'll get from me is this!

[pulls down his pants and moons the camera]

Big Ben Healy: [about Junior being adopted] You don't know what you're letting yourself in for. For all you know the kid is liable to end up in the looney bin. He might even be democrat!

Little Ben Healy: Dad, we adopted.

Big Ben Healy: Are you insane?

Little Ben Healy: I thought you'd be happy.

Big Ben Healy: Happy? You don't know what you're letting yourself in for. For all you know, his parents may have met in the looney bin. They might even be democrats!

Big Ben Healy: I'm selling my store to the Japs.

Little Ben Healy: I, I, I, but.

Big Ben Healy: I, I, I, but what? You thought I was going to leave it to you one day?

Little Ben Healy: Yeah.

Big Ben Healy: Well I'm not. I'm selling to the Hirohito Corporation.

Little Ben Healy: Well I still get the land don't I?

Big Ben Healy: No you're not. I'm selling that too. Everything from here to the river.

Little Ben Healy: What? Dad, I can't believe this. I slaved to you for 10 years without a raise or a promotion.

Big Ben Healy: Is there a lesson to be learned from all this? How about don't trust anyone?

Little Ben Healy: Not even your own father?

Big Ben Healy: Especially your own father! You know what your problem is? You're too nice. I expected a little backstabbing from you. Some ruthless scrambling to get to the top. But you stubbornly refused to follow my example!

Big Ben Healy: [seeing Junior for the first time] Oh, my God! It's the devil!

Big Ben Healy: [being loaded into an ambulance] Get rid of that kid, oof! Get rid of him! Get rid of that kid!

'Big' Ben Healy: [finds his own dog in a yard sale] Nippy, what the hell are you doing here? They're selling you for a nickel?

Junior: Ahh, finally I get some room in here.

'Big' Ben Healy: You little psycho, this time you've gone too far.

Junior: Ah, shut your trap.

'Big' Ben Healy: You're an evil boy. And you've gotta learn to respect your elders. If your old man won't teach you some manners, by god I will.

'Big' Ben Healy: [in a tree, after falling out of the window] Help me! Help me!

Lawanda Dumore: What is that man doing?

'Big' Ben Healy: I'm 'Big' Ben Healy. I live here.

Lawanda Dumore: You live in that tree?