Biff Quotes in Men at Work (1990)

Biff: Hold it honey!

[Keeping the gun trained on Carl and Susan, Biff looks over to Mario]

Biff: You listen to me, you Italian son of a bitch, and you listen good! The day you tell me, I don't know shit, and I let you get away with it, is the day *that*

[points to the ocean in the background]

Biff: ocean freezes over!

Mario: That's it, that's it, your history!

[points his tazer at Biff and shoots. Two electrodes land square in Biff's chest, sending thousands of volts of electricity into him]

Biff: Yaaaawwwwwwwwwyyaaaawwwwww, uhhhhhh!

[Biff collapses and passes out from being electrocuted]

Carl: Now!

[Carl and Susan rush into Mario, knocking him over and run towards Susan's car]

Biff: [Sits in the car with Mario, watching Susan's apartment. Car phone rings] Hello?

Maxwell Potterdam III: First, you lose the body. And then you bring me, the wrong tape. Now I know, that you two haven't personally set out to DESTROY MY COMPANY! But I sent you out to do a simple task, and simply put, you screwed up.

Mario: [Biff is listening to Potterdam, Mario has made a origami bird and is making sounds] Caw! Caw!

Maxwell Potterdam III: Now, apparently, Berger, had a relationship with his campaign manager, a Miss Susan Wilkins.

[Potterdam gives the address]

Biff: That's where we iced Berger, Chief! I know where that is!

Maxwell Potterdam III: Well, did it ever occur to you two idiots that, SHE MIGHT HAVE THE CASSETTE?

[hangs up]

Biff: I think he wants us to kill some more people.

Mario: OK.

[puts a lollipop in his mouth]

Biff: [Biff is slowly coming to after Mario blasted him with a taser gun] Ooohhhh... what happened?

Mario: Man, it was something. You got struck by lightning.

Biff: Really?

Mario: Freak storm.

Maxwell Potterdam III, Biff, Mario: [Biff and Mario stand in Potterdam's office, covered in grime from dumpster diving]

Maxwell Potterdam III: What do you mean, you lost the body?

Biff: We don't know, Chief. We looked everywhere. We had it in one of the barrels tied to the back of the trunk, and...

Maxwell Potterdam III: And?

Biff: It must have... rolled off the back of the car.

[looks down]

Maxwell Potterdam III: Well! FIND IT! Find it, find it, find it! Your very lives depend upon it, gentleman!

Biff, Mario: Right, Chief.

Mario: We did get this, though, Chief.

[hands the tape taken out of Berger's pocket to Potterdam]

Maxwell Potterdam III: Well! Thank God! You're excused.

Biff: What's the matter with comics?

Dixie: I went into show business when I was seven years old. Two days later the first comic I ever met stole my piggy bank in a railroad station in Portland. When I was 11 the comics were looking at my ankles. When I was 14 they were...just looking. When I was 20 I'd been stuck with enough lunch checks to pay for a three-story house. Naw, they're shiftless, dame-chasing, ambitionless...

Biff: Hey lady, you got your motor running.

Dixie: Don't get excited, you didn't get it started.

Biff: Ah, I get it, you're pulling this act to make me feel protective.

Dixie: Haven't you ever figured on anybody telling the truth?

Biff: Not burlesque dames, they're used to wriggling out of things.

Biff: Aren't you a teeny weeny bit glad to see me back?

Dixie: [pause] No.

Eddie: Oh boy, any good neckin' in sight for this year?

Biff: And why should this year be different?

Eddie: Guy, it's the same ole room. Just as clean as a garage sink.

Biff: Yes, but it's home sweet home to us.

Eddie: You betcha!

Biff: Whoa, boy, where'd you get the swell rag?

Eddie: Do you like it?

Biff: Gee, that's a wow!

Biff: Why, you couldn't take a femme from me, blonde, brunette, red, gray, or bald.

Eddie: I not only take 'em from you, but, I find you every honey you get. Why, if it weren't for me you'd be playing the old ladies home and not doing so well either.

Eddie: What women want, that's me.

[Picks up the phone]

Biff: Yeah, ask her if her daughter's got a date for the night.

Biff: You don't mean to tell me that an unprotected girl like yourself is going to be seen going to the Campus Candy Store in broad daylight!

Babs: Well, why not? Is it so terrible?

Biff: Terrible? Why I, alone, have dragged from that opiate-reeking atmosphere the bodies of innocent young girls, their sallow complexions give testimony to the lives they have lived. Sinful slaves to the chocolate drop. Shameful addicts to the bon-bons.

Biff: Oh, have no fear. Tonight, at the stroke of eight, I will arrive at?

Babs: Pi Phi House.

Biff: And will I be welcome on the mat - outside?

Babs: Em-hmm... and inside, too.

Biff: Say, don't wisecrack.

Eddie: Oh, you're gonna get high-hat with me over a girl, huh?

Biff: Yes I am.

Eddie: Think you've landed a little exclusive necking.

Biff: She isn't that kind of a girl.

Eddie: Oh, don't make me laugh. Wait'll I put the works on her.

Biff: Whoopie-wow!

Biff: Heaven help the buzzard who stole that box of candy!

Eddie: You know, Babs, every time I look at Biff I can figure out why girls walk home.

[Babs laughs]

Biff: And you're the reason they run home!

Biff: Say, Babs, are you all dated up for the Glee Club hop?

Babs: No. I've been waiting for somebody to ask me. Somebody, in particular.

Biff: Ha-ha-ha. Gee, that's great! Well, consider yourself asked.

Biff: Who let you back in this country?

Eddie: Aw, don't get hard boiled, Biffy. Remember, you're only a three-minute egg.

Biff: Yeah, you and small pox are my favorite diseases.

Eddie: Waste not the hours with yonder young horse pistol.

Biff: Don't while the night with nothingness with that numb-scullion.

Eddie: Oh, I beseech thee, young lady, put your okay on me.

Babs: I know, we'll settle this as if the fearless knights of old.

Biff: What do you mean?

Babs: Battle to the death and the victor shall be my escort to the hop.

Babs: Aw, don't be silly Biff. You know I like you.

Biff: You don't show it.

Babs: Well, what do you want me to do? Tattoo your name on my chest?

Biff: Oh, Babs, I wish you wouldn't talk like that. I only wanted to tell you, that I - oh, gee, I'm all balled up.

Biff: You and I've been through a thousand female campaigns together.

Eddie: Yeah, boy!

Biff: We've shared our girls like we've shared our neckties.