Beverly Quotes in Howard the Duck (1986)

[Together in bed, Beverly seducing Howard]

Howard T. Duck: [flustered] I've got a headache...

Beverly: And I've got the aspirin!

Howard T. Duck: Be gentle.

Beverly: I was worried about you. I missed you.

Howard T. Duck: Well, sex appeal. Some guys got it - and some guys don't.

Beverly: You got some place to go?

Howard T. Duck: Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.

Beverly: I don't know where you are now, but I hope you're happier there. This world didn't treat you very good, but you saved it, didn't you?

Howard T. Duck: I've given up trying to assimilate. I've got to get back to my own kind!

[notices Beverly's behind as he watches her crawl across the top of her bed in her underwear]

Howard T. Duck: Althoooooough... I HAVE developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy... ARROOOOO!

Beverly: Howard, you really are the worst!

Howard T. Duck: He-he!

Beverly: Come on, let's watch David Letterman. Come on!

[Pats the bed]

Howard T. Duck: Okie-dookie.

Howard T. Duck: Bev, I am not a real sentimental guy.

Beverly: No. I bet you were born from a very hard-boiled egg, Duckie.

[last lines]

Howard T. Duck: Not bad for a duck from outer space.

Beverly: You were great, Duckie!

Beverly: Put him down! Howard may be a duck, but you people are animals! He's my boyfriend!

3rd Trucker: That's disgusting!

Beverly: You don't make me proud to be a human!

Dr. Jenning: It feels like something inside me, gnawing at my guts... what's wrong with me?

Beverly: Well... what did you have for lunch?

Beverly: Hiya, Duckie.

Howard T. Duck: Hi, Toots.

Howard T. Duck: What is this place?

Beverly: Uh... Cleveland?

Howard T. Duck: Cleve-Land? U-huh. That's a perfect weird name for this planet.

Beverly: I'm sorry I'm so nervous. It's just that I've never been around a... Um, I mean, I've never even had any pets or anything, you know. They seem like such a hassle - you know, feeding 'em, cleaning up their little poo-poos, and...

Howard T. Duck: I'll try to be careful.

Dr. Jenning: [at the diner, as the Dark Overlord] I have disguised my true form, which would be considered... hideous and revolting, here.

Beverly: Lucky for the people eating.

Beverly: Make yourself at home.

Howard T. Duck: Make myself at home? I wish.

Beverly: Excuse me, are you in charge here?

Lieutenant Welker: Yeah, why?

Beverly: Well, I want to know why they're harassing Howard.

Lieutenant Welker: Who's Howard?

Beverly: He had nothing to do with it. Howard, Howard is just an innocent, um...

Lieutenant Welker: "Thing"?

Beverly: No. Duck.

Lieutenant Welker: Just an innocent duck?

[Beverly nods]

Lieutenant Welker: [to Officer Hanson] No wonder why I'm asking for early retirement.

Dr. Jenning: I told you, bird-brain, I am not Jenning anymore! I am now one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe.

Beverly: Hmm, Dark Overlord of the Universe?

Howard T. Duck: That must be quite a responsibility.

Beverly: What am I gonna do with you, Duckie?

Beverly: I just can't seem to find the right man.

Howard T. Duck: Maybe it's not a man you should be looking for.

Beverly: Ah, you think I might find happiness in the animal kingdom, Duckie?

Howard T. Duck: Like they say, Doll, love's strange. We could always give it a try.

Beverly: Okay, let's go for it Mr. Macho.

Beverly: [to Howard as they lie in bed together] I just can't resist your intense animal magnetism.

[the feathers on the top of Howard's head stick straight up]

Beverly: [Picks up a handful of feathers] What's this in my bed?

Howard T. Duck: Ah, souvenirs?

Beverly: I'm gonna miss you a lot, Duckie.

Beverly: Listen, would you like something to eat or drink? Milk? I could put it in a bowl?

Howard T. Duck: Doll, I don't drink out of bowls. Do you gotta beer?

Phil Blumburtt: I've already got a theory.

Beverly: What theory?

Phil Blumburtt: Well, this is, of course, the evolutionary ladder showing how man progressed from monkey to me, for instance.

Howard T. Duck: You consider that progress? Jeez, you're all hairless apes? That's really disgusting.

Phil Blumburtt: Now, I want you both to imagine, somewhere in the universe, is Howard's world. Picture it, in your mind, a world almost exactly like ours except the progenitor of the dominant species was not a monkey - but, a duck!

Howard T. Duck: Sound theory. Every school duck knows this stuff!

Beverly: If that's the way you want it! Then, so long, Duckie!

Howard T. Duck: Don't shed any tears over me, Toots!

Beverly: You play pretty good.

Howard T. Duck: I had a group in high school: Howard and the Heartbreakers.

Beverly: Oh, heavy, Howard. Very heavy. Maybe you should be our manager. Wait a second. Maybe you're just the kind of bizarro influence we need!

Howard T. Duck: Aren't you going to see me off?

Beverly: Sure I am. I just hope they let you take a carry-on bag. Look, I'm gonna put in these polaroids that we took at the club.

Beverly: Book 'em, duck-o.

Beverly: Okay. Alright. Turn me into a dark overlord. I'll still spit in your wormy face!

Beverly: Howard, why are you so pissed off?

Howard T. Duck: Why, if you got blasted millions of miles through space, ended up on another planet and were given an IQ test by a janitor. You'd be a little pissed off to.

Beverly: Ho look, maybe you are trapped in a world you never made, but I've got problems of my own. My whole career is falling apart.

Howard T. Duck: Your career. What about my life?

[a group of kids and their teacher show up and see Howard]

Howard T. Duck: I'm stranded here, shipwrecked.

Teacher: Look at this wonderful exhibit.

Howard T. Duck, Teacher: You see what I mean, I'm a freak and outcast.

Teacher: It's so lifelike and realistic.

Howard T. Duck: Bug off.

Teacher: Excuse me.

Howard T. Duck: I said beat it. Brrr

[Scares the kids and the teacher away]

Fay: Okay, pretend that I'm your parents, say what your gonna say.

Beverly: Okay, Mom, Pop?

Fay: Yeah?

Beverly: I don't know how to say this...

Fay: But...

Beverly: I'm pregnant.

Fay: My daughter's a tramp! My daughter's a tramp! You're 15 years old, how could you do this to me? Why don't you just take my gun. Take my gun and shoot me in the head with it tramp! I wish that you were never born! How was that?

Raymond Hasek: Please marry me, Bev. Because I'm shit without you.

Beverly: Oh how romantic... a marriage proposal that contains the word "shit."

Beverly: I'm 22 years old - that's almost 30, and I still haven't accepted that this is my life. And I just wish that I could be dumb. And then I wouldn't know better and I could be happy and stop hoping. And I'm telling you this like you're interested in my boring life.

[Beverly going through her book to find her quote]

Beverly: Let me quote myself. One day can change your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is is three or four big days that change everything.

Beverly: I didn't go past second base, which means nothing below the waist... my waist not his.

[after Jason falls into a swimming pool and she is still holding him half in it]

Beverly: I promise from now on I'm going to be more attentive. DO you know what attentive means?

Jason (Age 6): No.

Beverly: OK. Do you know what responsible means?

Jason (Age 6): No.

[drops him back into water]

Beverly: Damn! I should've read to you more.

Beverly: [standing on her lawn, yelling at Ray] I'm just another angry house wife, standing on her lawn and yelling at her husband, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ENTIERE NEIGHBORHOOD! Oh yeah, that's me!

Beverly: He's very handsome, so don't hit him in the face.

Jason: Who says I'm in one piece?

Beverly: You're the most normal person I know.

Jason: Normal? Normal? Amelia was in New York two weeks ago. She wants me to transfer. She wants me to enroll in her school. But I can't go. I can't leave you. Cause if something bad happens...

[crying]

Jason: ... it's my fault. I'm what went wrong in your life. You know, you wrote a book about it. I swore I wouldn't - Did you know that I love Amelia? Don't worry, she left already. Here's the funny thing. She thinks I can't love her because she can't make me happy... and damn it, she's the only good thing in my life. I'm just incredibly screwed up. Just so we're real clear about this, I blame you.

Beverly: When does this job ever end?

Jason: You call it a job?

Beverly: Well, what do you think it is? A calling?

Beverly: [Bev is changing Jason] Aaaaah! Aaaaah!

[Races to the bathroom and starts brushing her teeth]

Mrs. Teresa D'Onofrio: What? What happened?

Beverly: He peed in my mouth!

Mrs. Teresa D'Onofrio: [laughs] Ha ha ha. Jason, you make your grandma so happy.

Tina Barr: Are we invited to this party?

Beverly: They're Fay's friends.

Fay: They're not. My parents are friends with their parents.

Beverly: What's important is that Sky Barrister will be there.

Fay: Sky has had his hands in everything you've got. And he has a ton of your poems. And does he call you once? No. Bev, you are truly a great person. But someone as conceited as Sky won't see that. Because all he can see is himself. You know I'm right.

Tina Barr: It's true, Bev.

Beverly: [pause]

[she observes Fay's dress]

Beverly: Let me wear that dress.

Fay: What?

Beverly: Fay, if I even look half as beautiful as you in that dresss... Sky will have to notice me. You can wear my dress.

Tina Barr: No.

Fay: [she observes Bev's dress but is reluctant] I... No, Bev. It won't fit.

Beverly: Fay, you gotta let me wear that dress.

Fay: Why?

Beverly: Because I love you.

[Fay ponders]

Beverly: Please, please, please.

Fay: All right.

Beverly: We're supposed to be a team right?

Jason - Age 8: No! You're supposed to be the mother, and I'm supposed to be the kid!

Beverly: [proofing letter with her sister] Dear mom and pop, the immediate prospect of your reading this letter so shatters my spirit, it makes me a stranger to myself. Your fears over my behavior, which I thought arbitrary and unreasonably restrictive, seem now the stuff of wisdom. I have terrible news I'm withholding from you. But now, like the poison from an adder's tongue, I have to spit it out. I am pregnant.

Janet Donofrio - Age 12: Wow. That's really good writing.

[last lines]

Beverly: Jason blames me for every horrible thing that happened in his life. Can you imagine?

Mr. Leonard Donofrio: [slowly begins humming then singing]

Beverly: [to Ray who has cut his hand and is bleeding profusely in the house] Stop bleeding! Stop bleeding!

Beverly: Mom! Jason won't leave me alone!

Mrs. Teresa D'Onofrio: He's not supposed to, you're his mother.

Beverly: Mom, I have four weeks to study for the SATs. It's for the scholarship.

Mrs. Teresa D'Onofrio: [sniffs] I told you to change his diaper an hour ago! He loves when you do it. I have to iron now.

Beverly: [whining] But Mom...

Mrs. Teresa D'Onofrio: Change it!

Beverly: [changing Jason's diaper] Mommy has to study. I gotta do everything I can to get us out of here... Ugh, Mr. Stinky Pants.

Beverly: The only person that's even looked at me is my crazy Aunt Mildy who keeps calling me Agnes, which by the way is my dead cousin!

Aunt Mildy: Agnes!

Beverly: Hi, Mildy.

Aunt Mildy: [blows Bev a kiss] I love you!

Beverly: You want my permission to use a small amount of heroine forever?

Beverly: [to young Jason after he demands to be left alone] Remember, I am your mother. And that means you're not allowed to stay mad at me.

Jason - Age 8: I'm the only kid I know that has to cook dinner!

Beverly: Well, I'm the only mom I know with shoes that talk to people!

Fay: Don't blame me if this party is boring and no fun.

Beverly: Fun? Fun? Fun is what you bring with you.

Beverly: I swear, I haven't smiled in like a month. Your mom taking the kids to the movies was a great idea. Hey, shut the door.

Fay: Okay.

[see's Jason and Amelia roughhousing]

Fay: You play nice, kids.

Beverly: [to Ray] You say that you can't quit. I believe you. But if you stay and you ruin our lives, and you know that you will, then it's my fault. Do you want me to live that?

Beverly: I'm a horrible mother!

Jason (Age 6): Yeah...

Beverly: Do you have any idea what it's like to have a dream?

Lizard: Yeah.

Beverly: Shut up, Lizard!

Beverly Sutphin: So you admit you just lied?

Dottie Hinkle: No I don't, you bitch!

Judge: Watch your mouth Mrs. Hinkle.

[Beverly whispers "fuck you" to Dottie]

Dottie Hinkle: Did you see that? She just said "Fuck you" to me!

Beverly: Let the records show I'm merely standing here!

Dottie Hinkle: Fuck you too, you whore!

Chip: I'm so happy I could shit.

Beverly: Chip, you know how I hate the brown word.

Beverly: Mrs. Hinkle, are you insane?

Dottie Hinkle: No I'm not, you motherfucker!

Sloppy: Will you believe that god damn litter bugger?

Beverly: I have told her and told her. It takes ninety to a hundred years for a tin can to decompose, and she still won't recycle.

Gus: Cost the tax payers millions of dollars last year. But she don't care nothing about the national budget!

Beverly: I hate Mrs. Ackerman.

Gus: I hate her too.

Sloppy: I hate her guts. You know, somebody ought to kill her.

Gus: Yeah, give her a happy face, and then recycle her.

Beverly: For the sake of this planet, someone just might.

Beverly: [to her family after she squashes a fly with a fly swat] Scrambled eggs anybody?

Chip: Mom, are you a serial killer?

Beverly: The only "serial" I know anything about is Rice Krispies.

Eugene Sutphin: Beverly, I've read all about this. Is it menopausal?

Beverly: Oh, honey.

Eugene Sutphin: You think the kids are awake?

Beverly: We could be very quiet.

Eugene Sutphin: Oh, honey! You're hot tonight!

Beverly: Oh, yeah!

Eugene Sutphin: Honey, I'm ready!

Beverly: [as Beverly hits Mrs. Jenson a final time] REWIND!

Beverly: Buckle up, Scotty!

[uses aerosol can and lighter to create flamethrower]

Scotty Barnhill: [on fire] No, Mrs. Sutphin, please. I'll wear my seatbelt.

Beverly: [to Chip, Birdie & Jimmy] I don't know what it is about today but I feel great. Cookie?

Beverly: Officer, I'm sorry, but we don't allow gum in this house.

Detective Gracey: Sorry, ma'am.

Detective Gracey: I should warn you. This note contains, uh, language.

Beverly: Oh, my.

Beverly: Wear your seatbelt!

[stabs at Scott's car]

Beverly: [in court to Chip and Misty] Oh, kids, are you doing your homework?

Beverly: [to Eugene, Misty and Chip] It's been a crazy day hasn't it?

Cody Abilene: All right, it's these hands. They're the lethal weapons.

Beverly: Yeah, just be careful when you play with yourself.

Beverly: So, Alan tells me you're a homosexual.

Tommy Ballenger: Only because there was nothing good on television.

Beverly: Well, I just find it so intriguing.

Tommy Ballenger: Not always, Liberace for example.

Beverly: Liberace is a homosexual?

Tommy Ballenger: Sadly, yes.

Tommy Ballenger: So what do you two have planned on the menu, a menage-a-trois?

Beverly: Oh, no. Alan hates French food.

Beverly: Thats right I'm fucking both your investors so don't fuck with me, any questions?

Jack: You know I've never had Sushi before

Beverly: "Thats right I'm fucking both your investors, so don't fuck with me.....any questions?"

Jack Roth: "You know I've never had Sushi before"

Beverly: I'm fucking both your investors. So don't fuck with me.