Beth Quotes in The Prince (2014)

Paul: We're just gonna get you home.

Beth: I don't think I can. Everything's changed.

Paul: Not with me it hasn't. You're the only reason I keep going, Beth.

[last lines]

Beth: [whispering to her dad] Let's go home.

Beth: Ask me about my lips.

Remy: What brand are your lips?

Beth: They're all mine.

Beth: What's that?

Blair Maynard: It's a drug called cocaine.

Beth: What does it cure?

Blair Maynard: Insecurity.

Josh McManus: I was in the service. I volunteered for a special ops... where I received extreme... training.

Beth: So, what, you have a robot brain or something?

Josh McManus: No. I don't... feel fear the same way other people do. Fear makes a person hesitate in times of danger. It clouds the mind. They burned it out of me.

Beth: Didn't you see what happened last night? That was like the express elevator to Heaven.

Beth: I'm the normal one here. Raise your hand if the government DIDN'T do weird experiments on your brain.

[last lines]

Beth: [after her cigarette gets damp] Shit!

Beth: I'm an English teacher, not fucking Tomb Raider.

Beth: [Sarah is trapped in a tunnel and Beth is trying to calm her down with a joke] Hey, you love this one, "How do you give a lemon an orgasm?" You tickle its citrus!

Beth: [trapped after a cave-in] You put in a flight-plan, right? If we don't report in they'll come looking for us.

Rebecca: That's how it's supposed to work, except I put in a flight-plan for Boreham Caverns and this isn't Boreham Caverns, is it Juno?

Beth: We're in the wrong fucking cave!

Juno: Holly was right! Boreham Caverns was a tourist trap!

Holly: Don't try and pin this fucking shit on me!

Rebecca: This is not caving, this is an ego-trip.

Sam: Where are we?

Juno: It hasn't got a name. It's a new system. I wanted us all to discover it! No one's ever been down here before.

Sam: Are you fucking kidding me?

Holly: [Sarah has just been scared by a bunch of bats which attacked her. Holly films the bats flying away]

[in imitation of 'The Count' from Sesame Street]

Holly: One bat, two bats, fifty bats!

[Beth comes up to her]

Beth: Holly... Fuck off

Beth: Sarah... don't leave me like this.

Sarah: No. Please don't ask me to do that.

Beth: Please.

Sarah: I can't. I can't do that. I can't do that.

Beth: Please.

Sarah: OK. Shh. Close your eyes.

Rebecca: [while Sarah is looking throught the camera, with night vision on] oh, fuck it! Hello!

Juno: Please!

Rebecca: Is there anybody there!

Beth: Hello?

[Sarah points the camera at Beth, Crawler behind her]

Juno: Sam's gonna be Doctor Van Ney in like a year's time.

Beth: Please tell me it's longer than that.

Sarah: [Sarah uses Holly's camera in night vision mode and sees all of the dead animal bones] Dead animals! Hundreds of them!

Beth: This is not good, guys.

Sam: Can we get out of here?

Rebecca: Which way?

Juno: [Uses lighter to try and find the breeze] Come on.

[the lighter's flame does not move]

Juno: I don't know.

Beth: What do you mean you don't know?

Juno: There's no breeze! It could be any one of these tunnels! Take your pick!

Rebecca: Oh, fuck it!

[yelling]

Rebecca: Helloooooo!

Juno: [trying to calm down Rebecca] Please!

Rebecca: [continuing to yell] Is there anybody there?

Beth: [also yelling] Hello!

[a crawler suddenly appears behind Beth]

Beth: Are there any guys out there who are JUST NORMAL?

Beth: What do you look for in a girl?

Josh: She should be smart, and funny.

[Beth undressing]

Josh: That's good too.

Beth: Do you feel better yet?

Josh: I feel a little bit better, yes.

Beth: What else do you look for?

Josh: She should be nice and attractive and...

Beth: [Beth removes her top]

Josh: Topless. And topless.

Beth: You're in big trouble mister!

Boog: Shush!

[Boog passes out]

Gordy: You know, the longer you wait, the harder it's gonna to be for him to adapt.

Beth: Oh, I'm sure he'll... that is, I think he'll...

Gordy: And the harder it's gonna be for you to leave him.

Gordy: You're not his mother.

Beth: I'm not mothering him.

[Boog taps on window]

Beth: Excuse me a moment. Go to bed, Boog!

Beth: Shaw! That guy really chaps my khakis.

Beth: You live in a fake castle leeching off your accidental millionaire loser friend playing black metal in your bedroom. You'll never change.

Gilberto: Uh, it's *doom* metal.

Beth: Who the fuck asked you?

Joe: Well, he's right. Gilberto, you're the fucking man! It *was* black. Then we went through a sludge phase. Now it's more doom.

Gwendoline: Beth, how do you make love to a man?

Beth: Oh, Gwendoline, making love to a man is much easier than fighting five guards with your hands tied behind your back!

Gwendoline: Oh.

Beth: You remember the other night with Willard? Well it's the same thing but kind of not the same thing...

Gwendoline: I'm just worried that I'll get everything wrong!

Beth: Now Gwendoline must kill Gwendoline.

[Gwendoline puts on a dead guard's helmet]

Beth: [to Gwendoline] Your upbringing will be the death of us!

Beth: I wanted to do something that wasn't like me - that would make my mother worry about me - something that would make him worry about me.

Beth: You're changing that boy's life.

Leigh Anne Touhy: No. He's changing mine.

Leigh Anne Touhy: [talking about the Tuohy's Christmas card photo with Michael in it]

Elaine: He looks so big compared to you like Jessica Lange right next to King Kong

[amidst chuckles]

Beth: Hey, does Michael get the family discount at Taco Bell? 'Cause if he does Sean is gonna lose a few stores.

Leigh Anne Touhy: He's a good kid.

Elaine: Well, I say you make it official and just adopt him

[laughs]

Leigh Anne Touhy: He's going to be eighteen in a few months it doesn't make much sense to legally adopt.

[they all stare at her]

Sherry: Leigh Ann, is this some sort of white guilt thing?

Elaine: What would your Daddy say?

Leigh Anne Touhy: Um... before or after he turns around in his grave? Daddy's been gone five years Elaine. Make matters worse you were at the funeral, remember? You were wearing Chanel and that awful black hat? Look, here's the deal, I don't need y'all to approve my choices alright, but I do ask that you respect them. You have no idea what this boy has been through and if this becomes some running diatribe, I can find overpriced salad a lot closer to home.

Sherry: Leigh Ann, I'm so sorry, we didn't mean to...

Elaine: No, we didn't really.

Beth: I think what you are doing is so great. Opening up your home to him... honey, you are changing that boy's life.

Leigh Anne Touhy: No, he's changing mine.

Elaine: [snidely] And that's great for you. But, seriously, Leigh Ann, aren't you worried for Collins? I mean, she's a beautiful white girl, and he's a big, black boy.

Leigh Anne Touhy: Shame on you.

[gets up]

Leigh Anne Touhy: I'm getting this.

[she leaves]

Beth: Miriam! I have to take your blood pressure!

Miriam: I've been sitting still for 25 years. You missed your chance.

Terry: So, uh, 9/11.

[everyone looks at Terry expectantly]

Terry: No I mean, I've always wanted to have a conversation with

[gestures at Kumail]

Terry: about it. With

[gestures again at Kumail]

Terry: people.

Kumail: You've never talked to people about 9/11?

Terry: No what's your, what's your stance?

Kumail: What's my stance on 9/11? Oh um, anti. It was a tragedy, I mean we lost 19 of our best guys.

Beth: Huh?

Kumail: That was a joke, obviously. 9/11 was a terrible tragedy. And it's not funny to joke about it.

Beth: I'm a human woman! I need to watch this!

Beth: [Andy is following Cal's advice to only ask questions when talking to a woman] Can I help you?

Andy Stitzer: I don't know. Can you?

Beth: Are you looking for something?

Andy Stitzer: Is there something I should be looking for?

Beth: We have a lot of books, so maybe it depends on what you like.

Andy Stitzer: What, um, what do you like?

Beth: We have a great section of do-it-yourself.

Andy Stitzer: Do you like to do it yourself?

Beth: [giggles] Sometimes... if, um, the mood strikes!

Andy Stitzer: How is the mood striking you now?

Beth: [they both laugh] What's your name?

Andy Stitzer: What's your name?

Beth: I'm Beth.

Andy Stitzer: Andy.

Beth: Andy... Don't tell on me, okay Andy?

Andy Stitzer: I won't... unless you want to be told on, Beth.

[walks away]

Beth: We could do it in the... butt, if you want.

Andy Stitzer: But if I want what?

Beth: You know... butt!

Andy Stitzer: But... what?

Beth: I'd like to introduce you to my friend.

[Shows him a vibrating shower head]

Andy Stitzer: Your friend is so shiny.

Beth: Ooh, you know where to shave me.

Andy Stitzer: Yeah! I wanna shave your head.

Henry: So, do you work here?

Beth: Yeah, I'm the Camp Director. You?

Henry: Me, no, I don't work here.

Beth: No, yeah, I'm the camp director... I would know if you worked here.

Henry: Oh, right.

Beth: The phone! The phone! Where's the *fucking* phone?

Gail: I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because I want you to be guests of honor at our wedding next week!

Beth: Well, I hope it's not jumbo shrimp, because I'm allergic to oxymorons!

Beth: Well guys, we've made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers.

Beth: Hey, you; penny for your thoughts.

Henry: Beth, tomorrow is the least of our problems.

Beth: Don't tell me, oh, don't tell me, don't even tell me you have crabs!

Henry: No... Yes, but that's not the point.

Beth: Listen, Henry...

Henry: Please, call me Henry.

Beth: Okay, Henry it is.

Beth: McKinley, there are some lower campers stuck in the ropes course. I meant to tell you about that yesterday, but could you get to it now?

Susie: [angry that Beth has invited Steve to take part in the talent show] Beth, I may regret saying this, but how dare you usurp my authority as producer...

Ben: Hmph!

Susie: ...director-slash-choreographer of the talent show. I need you to know I have been busting my *balls*, woman! I am telling you, the musical numbers are a mess, my kids are a bunch of amateurs, and the last thing I need today is some diabetic freak prancing around on stage making my life a living *hell*!

Susie: [after a long pause and a glare from Beth] All right; I'll put him on last.

Beth: Good.

[Beth walks away]

Susie: [to Ben] Oh, she always wins!

Beth: The following campers need to put their trunks out so the early bus to Boston can pick them up at 7:30 AM: Amanda Klein, Jessica Azaria, Ira... Stevenberg, Sol Zimmer... stein... uh, David... Ben Gurion...

Beth: [walks in as Andy knocks his dishes off the table] Andy? You gonna clean that up?

Andy: Oh yeah. I will. Uh, I just got... I don't have time right now.

Beth: Clean it up, and come to my office for the meeting.

Andy: I gotta...

[gives an annoyed sigh and begins picking it up]

Beth: I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you're gonna marry me.

Gigi: I think I've figured it out. Remember when I went out with that notary public and he cheated on me and then Anastasia from upstairs told me about how her boyfriend cheated on her in the beginning then he totally changed and now they're married and crazy in love?

Beth: I thought that guy was a process server.

Gigi: No notary. Anyway my point is, Anastasia is the exception, not the rule. We have to stop listening to these stories because they rule is most guys who cheat on you up front don't really care about you very much.

Janine: Ok.

Gigi: Ok, Ok. Exhibit A. Chad the drummer who lived in a storage space. He only used me for rides and yet I continued to stalk him for most of 1998. Then oh, um, there was Don, that broke up with me every Friday so that he could have his weekends free. I was delusional about that relationship. I used to refer to him as my husband to random people, like my dental hygienist. Anyway, all my friends used to tell me about how things might work out with these dipsticks because they knew someone, who knew someone, who dated a dipstick just like mine. That girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. That the exception and we're not the exception we're the rule.

Beth: Am I... will I be Al Pacino in this scenario?

Harry Dunne: Skis, huh?

Beth: That's right!

Harry Dunne: Great! They yours?

Beth: Uh-huh.

Harry Dunne: Both of 'em?

Beth: Yes.

Harry Dunne: Ah... cool!

Beth: So I told myself. Beth you just got to run girl and oh you know what that clutz did next?

Lloyd Christmas: No and I don't - CARE!

Beth: I'm gonna give you my number. Let's see if I can find it...

Harry Dunne: Great!

[notices his left leg is on fire]

Harry Dunne: Ha!

Beth: Okay. I know I left it in here somewhere.

Harry Dunne: [stomping his left leg] Look! Why don't you just tell it to me! I have a really good memory!

Beth: Well, the number is 555-...

[Harry repeats it almost silently]

Beth: ...-905 - . Oh wait! That's my home number. That is so weird how your mind just goes plain...

Harry Dunne: [gets impatient, still trying to stomp the fire out] FOR GOD'S SAKE! JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN NUMBER!

Beth: [looks at Harry appalled] Okay. Look guy! You're gonna get pushy, FORGET ABOUT IT!

[Beth drives off, and Harry stomps away to the bathroom to put the fire out]

Beth: [at the gas station] Uh sir, you're... you're spraying everywhere...

Danny: Where am I going to find a girl who hates all the same things I do?

Beth: You're so romantic.

Danny: Hey. Hey... You complete me... You had me at hello.

Beth: Oh, god. Danny you're not hearing what I'm saying to you.

Danny: I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy telling her that... to... love her.

Beth: You don't even know that one.

Danny: Hey, come on. Who are you going to call... Ghostbusters.

Beth: Yes, Wheeler?

Wheeler: This may be a stupid question. The Get Out of Jail Free Card: Is that real?

Beth: That's not a stupid question.

Danny: It's real in the game of Monopoly.

Wheeler: But Monopoly is based on true events.

Kate: DAMMIT!

Carrie: It's not that hard, uhm... when he speaks to you count to three in your head before you answer him.

Heather: Don't show any interest. Don't even look at him too much.

Carrie: Yeah yeah. You got it?

[long pause]

Carrie: I said you got it?

Kate: I was counting to three!

Beth: Not that slowly! We don't what him to think you're retarded!

Lori: [walks in] What are you girls doing?

Carrie: Destroying a man.

Lori: Who Do I Make My Check Out to?

[Kate's mom walks out]

Beth: Your mom is SO HOT!

Heather: So I talked to John. He was sweet. He felt bad for you. He said that you were jealous because we share something special. Something that we don't have to label because...

Beth: [interrupting] Because it's our unspoken bond and I just love how secure you are?

Carrie: And it hurts me to question it, because...

Heather, Beth, Carrie: [at the same time] ... YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL FOR ME?

Heather: Damn! He said the same thing to all of us!

Beth: Figures. He makes up with us and he hooks up with us...

Carrie: [interrupts, whispers] You guys hooked up?

Beth: John and I share something special.

Carrie: Oh what, that they been both in your pants?

Beth: We share a vegan/nonviolent outlook on life.

Heather: [under her breath, coughs] Hippie slut.

Beth: [sarcastic] Oh nice, Heather. It's not like everyone doesn't know that little Miss Cheerleader brings it on.

Carrie: What, you too?

Heather: John and I belong together. He is the team captain and I am the head cheerleader.

Beth: Oh, I'm sorry, what kind of cheerleader?

Carrie: Oh, like he'd take either of you two seriously?

Beth: Do not lump me with her!

Heather: Oh so what, you're now better than me?

Kate: Shut up.

Heather, Beth: [peeved] What?

Kate: Sorry.

Heather: You got something to say?

Kate: No, it's none of my business.

[pause]

Kate: Okay, let me guess. Does he always use pet names like "Baby" and "Sweetheart?" Yeah, it's not out of affection, it's so he won't mix up your names. And he's all about an unspoken bond or something special, but never about a relationship. And the whole arrangement was your idea, so you feel guilty that he cheated.

Heather: Oh my God, you're dating John too?

Kate: No, I knew a guy like him... Skip.

Beth: I was so depressed, I couldn't even enjoy the break-up sex.

[the girls stare at Beth]

Beth: Oh my god, I'm such a slut!

Beth: It's not even my date and he still gets me out of my skirt!

Heather: John and I belong together. He's the varsity captain, and after all, I AM the head cheerleader.

Beth: Sorry what kind of cheerleader?

Beth: For you I don't have to give up all meat...

Carrie: You know what, that was no accident!

Heather: He's mine!

[pushes Carrie]

Heather: Stay away from him!

Carrie: Oh you little brat!

[slaps Heather]

Beth: [tries to break Carrie and Heather up] Girls, peace and love! C'mon you guys are fighting over -...

Heather: We're fighting over John Tucker, he's mine!

Beth: [throws volleyball at Heather] OH!

Heather: What the hell is your problem?

Beth: I am dating John Tucker.

[Heather throws a volleyball at Beth but Beth ducks, it hits Kate instead. Carrie and Beth slap each other]

Coach Williams: [whistle] ENOUGH! Let's get back in the game.

[Beth pushes Carrie, then Heather pushes Beth. Coach Williams tries to break up the fight. Carrie throws the volleyball that was supposed to get Beth and Heather, but gets Coach Williams instead. The crowd groans]

Carrie: Darn it Coach!

[Heather throws a bag of volleyballs at Beth, but gets Kate in the stomach instead]

Carrie: Just let me get through. Just let me get them

Coach Williams: PUT THOSE BALLS DOWN!

[Heather throws the same bag of volleyballs and hits Beth. Beth in return throws random volleyballs, one hitting Carrie and one hitting Kate. Then Beth rolls the whole cart of volleyballs and it knocks over Carrie, Heather, Kate, and Coach Williams like bowling pins. Beth lunges herself on Heather. Heather, Beth, and Carrie fight on the gym floor]

Kate: [blows Coach Williams' whistle] This guy is cheating on all of you and instead of taking it out on him, you are beating the shit out of each other?

Coach Williams: LANGUAGE!

[Coach Williams gets up, angrily]

Coach Williams: DETENTION! You, you, you, and YOU! Honestly...

[points to Carrie, Beth, Heather, and Kate. Coach Williams leaves the scene disgusted. Even Kate beats a hasty retreat]

Beth: [peeved] Who is that?

Heather: I don't know. Pam Something.

Heather: John and I belong together. He's the varsity captain, and after all, I AM the head cheerleader.

Beth: Excuse me, what kind of cheerleader did you say?

Beth: I was so depressed I couldn't even enjoy the break-up sex.

[the other girls look at her]

Beth: Oh my God I am such a slut!

Heather: [Kate answers her door and it's Heather] I want to bring down you know who.

Beth: [Kate answers her door again and it's Beth] Normally, I'm opposed to the slaughter of animals, but in John Tucker's case, I'll make an exception.

Kate: [now in the house] I don't even know him.

Beth: So, you don't even know anyone. You're like the Swiss, you're neutered.

Carrie: Um, it's neutral. Kate, if the three of us tried this alone, we would kill each other. You brought us here. You showed us that we have something in common.

Heather: Exactly. We all want to kill John Tucker.

Kate: Wow. Okay.

Carrie: She's right. I mean he always making me feel guilty.

Kate: It seems to me that if a guy treats you like that...

Heather: [interrupts] You'd break up with him, blah, blah, blah...

Beth: Even John would have another girlfriend in a second.

Kate: No, I didn't say break up. I'd get even.

[Carrie, Beth, and Heather look at her]

Heather: Who are you?

Beth: I know, you're that girl that wigged out last year and got sent to rehab!

Kate: No, I...

Beth: [interrupts] Then you got taken away from bulimia.

Kate: No.

Beth: Fat camp?

Kate: No. My name is...

Detention Teacher: [enters the library, interrupting] Hey, no talking!

Kate: My name is...

Detention Teacher: [interrupts] No talking!

Beth: [refering to Kate's date with John] You mean he was able to be intimate without being... intimate?

Carrie: [sees the entire basketball team wearing thongs] Unbelievable.

Beth: [on phone, angrily] I'd hit him with my car if he wouldn't make body casts a fashion statement.

Beth: I can't believe I ate meat for him. I mean, it was fish, but still. I don't eat anything with a face.

Kate: It doesn't work like it will stop your hormone production.

Beth: Yeah and when you run out you will grow a mustache and a penis.

[Rick attempts to ask the student Beth out to the prom]

Rick: Um... Beth. Doing anything, uh, prom night?

Beth: I'm going to the prom.

Rick: What about Saturday?

Beth: I'm busy.

Rick: Night?

Beth: I'm busy.

Rick: How about Sunday?

Beth: I'm busy.

Rick: How about any night in 1987?

Beth: I'm busy.

Rick: [Rick yells out] How about yesterday? You busy yesterday?

Beth: [Beth smiles] I think so, but you can ask me out again.

Rachel: Do you guys believe in love at first sight?

Zina: Well, it saves time.

Rachel: No, really, that you could meet someone, or just... across a room, and with that one glance you could look in their eyes and see their soul. Do you believe that could happen?

Beth: [long pause, takes a breath] No.

Zina: Absolutely not.

Beth: So, Ned. How long have you guys been married, then?

Ned: Thirty Years.

Beth: [tenderly] Oh.

Ned: If I'd killed her when I first thought about it, I'd be out by now. A free man.

Beth: Dad. When you married Mom, did you ever think that you wouldn't make it?

Beth's Dad: Elizabeth Ann. Honey, you cannot learn from my mistakes. You're going to have to go out there and make your own. Now, you could get your heart broken or you could have the greatest love affair the world has ever known, but you're not going to know unless you try.

Beth: But what if there was a guarantee that you'd never get hurt?

Beth's Dad: Baby... the passion is in the risk. It's like I always say, If you're going to be a bear...

Beth: ...be a grizzly.

[last lines]

Nick: I've got a question... why do you keep giving me my poker chips?

Beth: Because you deserve to have it back. You threw them into the fountain and wished for love, and I don't want to keep it anymore!

Nick: [looking confused] No I didn't.

Beth: You didn't?

Nick: No!

Beth: Then who did?

Nick: I have no idea.

Beth: Then this... is all real?

[Nick starts to answer and then stops himself. He climbs into the fountain with Beth and drops the poker chip in the water]

Nick: How's this for real?

Father Dino: [falling to his knees at the edge of the plaza] Ay, Dio mio! Free from temptation! Grazie!

Beth: [grinning in amazement as the Priest dashes off] Didn't you say, at Umberto's bachelor party...

Nick: ...the padre cleaned me out at the poker table? Yeah.

Beth: It's like, I meet a guy, and I think it's great, and anyone else would just be thinking about how much greater it's going to get. And I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Nick: You know, lightning does strike once in a while, Beth. Trust me, I know.

Joan Martin: His name's Umberto. Umberto! How sexy is that? We met on a flight to Italy two weeks ago, and now we're getting married. In Rome!

Beth: Wow. That... Joan. Wow.

Joan Martin: He's the one, Beth. I know it, I can't wait until you meet him.

Beth: And when I do, I will have known him for... almost as long as you have.

Joan Martin: You know what? You're not exactly a role model when it comes to relationships.

Beth: Okay, maybe not. But that is because I have a relationship with my job. I love my job. And when I find a guy that I like more than my job, that's how I'll know he's the one.

Joan Martin: Okay, so basically what you need is a male version of yourself.

Beth: Well, he doesn't have to be blonde.

[Joan giggles]

Beth: [to Antonio, who's rambling incoherently] I don't know what you're saying.

[Beth turns to the Hansom Cab driver]

Beth: What's he saying?

Hansom Cab Driver: I don't know. I don't speak idiot.

Stacy: You have a date, huh?

Beth: It's not a date.

[They both look at a model for the museum exhibit, who turns her head toward them]

Stacy: So, what are you gonna wear?

Beth: My navy blouse, a pencil skirt, and some open-toe slingbacks.

Paige: Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward the next five years...

Beth: I hate it when she starts to talk about her life plan.

Nick Brannen: Geez Ronnie, you look like a mess.

Ronny Valentine: But the sweater looks good, huh?

Nick Brannen: What happened to you?

Nick Brannen: Barfight.

Beth: A barfight? Really?

Nick Brannen: Yeah, it was a biker's bar, the Zip Bar and Grill. It's a no good dirtbag place. You want to take that off the GPS.

Geneva: I have a question for the table. How long does it take before you really know someone?

Beth: I think that you are always continuing to know someone. As time changes, so do we. I say that when things are tough and you see how someone is, you get a good sense of who they are.

Ronny Valentine: Yeah, that's right.

Nick Brannen: Well, I think that you can know in the first ten seconds of seeing someone. That's how I fell in love with Geneva.

Geneva: Awww.

Shrevie: Ok, now ask me what's on the flip side.

Beth: Why?

Shrevie: Just, just ask me what's on the flip side, OK?

Beth: What is on the flip side?

Shrevie: Hey, Hey, Hey, 1958. Specialty Records.

[Beth nods blankly]

Shrevie: See? You don't ask me things like that, do you? No! You never ask me what's on the flip side.

Beth: No! Because I don't give a shit. Shrevie, who cares about what's on the flip side about the record?

Shrevie: I do! Every one of my records means something! The label, the producer, the year it was made. Who was copying whose style... who's expanding on that, don't you understand? When I listen to my records they take me back to certain points in my life, OK? Just don't touch my records, ever! You! The first time I met you? Modell's sister's high school graduation party, right? 1955. And Ain't That A Shame was playing when I walked into the door!

Beth: That's very mature, Fenwick.

Fenwick: Fuck mature!

Beth: Jesus was all about the idea that people are transformed.Not by being loved... but by the act of loving somebody,no matter how hard it is.

Jack: Why'd you come up?

Beth: Because I wanted to be sad. Now I'm sad.

Beth: I haven't yet.

Jennifer Morton: Haven't what?

Beth: [laughs] Had sex since Rick. I know you're wondering. I know how your mind works.

[pause]

Beth: I've-I come to the brink and then I-I can't do it.

Jennifer Morton: Yeah, I didn't think so.

Beth: But I don't think about it everyday. I try not to think about it!

Max: [to Jeff] What you and Ann could have, that could be the real thing. Me and Beth, I mean... come on. As soon as we're done, I'm moving on.

Beth: [from other side of the door] I heard that.

Max: You okay?

Beth: Yeah, I'm fine... with it.

Max: She's fine.

Bosley Jr.: [Kids are in the attic playing doctor] Breathe hard. Do it again.

Beth: [Giggles as she breathes] Let me do it to you.

Peggy Gravel: [Enters room and goes berserk when she sees the kids] SODOMITES!

[Rushes to them]

Peggy Gravel: CAUGHT RIGHT IN A SEX ORGY! FILTHY! DIRTY! FILTHY!

Bosley Jr.: [Crying] We're only playing!

Peggy Gravel: [Slapping them] Is that what you learned in private school?

Beth: Don't, Mother, we're only playing!

Peggy Gravel: [Hysterically to herself] NUDE! NUDE! NUDE!

[Suddenly seriously]

Peggy Gravel: You could be pregnant, Beth!

[to Bosley, Jr]

Peggy Gravel: And YOU... I never thought you'd rape your own sister!

[Suddenly wildly, to no one in particular]

Peggy Gravel: OH GOD, THE CHILDREN ARE HAVING SEX!

Guy in Car: Hey, asshole.

Ogden: Which one?

Beth: Fuck off.

Guy in Car: Me or him?

Beth: You, peaches.

[she whips him the middle finger]

Guy in Car: Stop chewing. I'm going to the red door.

Joseph: What's going on? Whose dog is this?

Grace: Mom's. She saved his life.

Beth: He's not mine. I'm just gonna find him a home.

Joseph: Why is he here?

Beth: I just couldn't let them take him to the pound. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna call a few rescue societies tomorrow and somebody's gonna want him.

Joseph: Yeah, but not us, right? We're not getting a dog, right?

Grace: I think you should keep him. I'll help.

Joseph: You're at school. She's not gonna come back every morning and walk the dog and neither am I.

Beth: I wouldn't mind doing that.

Joseph: Beth, I don't want a dog.

Beth: I told you, I'm gonna find him a home.

Joseph: Yeah, I know you.

Beth: And what's that supposed to mean?

Grace: That was Dr. Bhoola.

Joseph: Who?

Grace: The veterinarian. He's gonna stop by.

Beth: What is he... He's coming here now?

Grace: Yeah, he has some medicine or something. I'm gonna use your shower 'cause it's filthy in here.

Joseph: The veterinarian makes house calls?

Beth: He's very attractive.

Beth: I'm not talking about Doctors, I'm talking about you.

Joseph: Have I ever put my work before you or the girls?

[pause]

Joseph: Ok, sometimes. When I'm doing surgery on someone's spine to relieve them of a life of pain, I have put my work first! The girls always understood and they never complained.

Beth: Were we living in the same house?

Beth: You know more about your patients than you do about your own family.

Joseph: We haven't lost a person. We lost a dog.

Beth: Love is love. It doesn't matter if it's a dog.

Joseph: This is - this is a difficult time for you; for both of us. And especially for a woman, there are physical changes that affect everything.

Beth: Oh, tell me about being a woman.

Joseph: I think that the anger you're feeling is not about me. It's hormonal.

Beth: No. It's not menopause. It actually is about you.

Beth: Ellie called. They got your mother on her plane. And you know what Ethan asked about you? You know what he said? He's so cute. He said 'Where's pee pee?'

[Beth and Joseph laugh]

Beth: Honey, what are we gonna do about the Partridge and the Plough?

Joseph: What are we gonna do about Russell? Has Freeway been in here?

Beth: Huh? I thought he was with you.

Joseph: He was but he took off on me.

Beth: What? Wait a minute. Where's the dog?

Joseph: I told you, he took off.

Beth: When was this?

Joseph: 'Bout 20 minutes ago. He chased a deer and wouldn't come back.

Beth: Did you use the whistle?

Joseph: I whistled. I didn't have the whistle per say.

Beth: You were on the phone, right? Hmm?

Joseph: It was an emergency. He's probably right outside.

Beth: [to Joseph angry about losing Freeway] You lost the dog while you were talking on the phone!

Beth: Carmen, do you see him? Is he alright?

Joseph: Beth, are you kidding me?

Beth: Can you see what he sees?

Carmen: Yes.

Russell: What do you see?

Carmen: I see trees and the shed with construction equipment in it and mountains.

Joseph: Wow. That really pinpoints it.

Beth: Admit it, this is what you wanted the whole time.

Aaron: So, I'm a human laxative?

Beth: Pretty much.

Aaron: And that's love?

Beth: I don't know what else to call it.

Aaron: You know why don't you get some cleanfree and some peptabysmal and I'm sure that should be just fine.

Aaron: Why are... Why are we having this conversation?

Beth: Because your big ass is stuck in the middle of my God-damned kitchen, that's why.

Beth: I think those are the most innovative people I've ever seen.

Valo: Are you kidding me? I think that's the most asinine shit I've ever seen apart from that ghetto ass fuck machine!

Beth: Yeah, I used to be chubby when I was a little girl.

James Aaron: Yes, but I'm not a little girl.

Beth: No, you're a big girl.

James Aaron: A big pretty girl.

Beth: Big, pretty girl wanna go for a walk?

Beth: James, you ever give a girl a hoagie shack?

James Aaron: [Confused] Huh? A "hoagie shack"? What's that?

Beth: That's when you take your wiener and you sandwich it between the bosoms of a lady...

James Aaron: [Taken aback] I sandwich my wiener between the bosoms of a lady?

Beth: Exactly. Yeah! You're a guy... You never had a nice little old-fashioned hoagie shack?

James Aaron: [Exasperated] Where do you get this stuff from?

Beth: Mmm. I want someone to eat cheese with.

James Aaron: [Excitedly] That's what I want! That's so simple. That's perfect. Although I'd probably prefer rice pudding. I love - I'm telling you, you have no idea what you're missing. It's so good.

Beth: You wanna' come with me to buy some underwear?

James Aaron: [Excitedly] I was just thinking that!

Beth: He lusted after me, but I had to spurn his advances, because he's a himbo.

Bob: A what?

Beth: A male slut.

Bob: And you are - -?

Beth: Not a male slut!

Beth: "Gay weddings are so cool. You could have a totally kitschy reception."

Sarah: Where to now?

Bob: Oohh, Friday night Trax.

Sarah: Aw, no...

Eric: Bob, Sarah's, like, totally fag bashing.

Sarah: I'm so not fag bashing. Every time we went in college, I was the only woman.

Bob: No, Trax is mixed on Friday nights.

Sarah: Yea, gays AND lesbians.

Beth: Lesbians? Oooh, let's away...

Sterling Scott: [after Bob's and Brendan's night together is revealed] Bob?

Eric: Brendan...

Matt: Eric!

Aunt Alice: Brendan?

Carol: Sarah...

Sarah: Brendan?

Celia: Celia!

Beth: Matt?

Matt: Brendan...

Beth: Whoa!

[Sterling and Sarah faint]

Beth: Who cares? You've got Sterling, and that's a pretty great consolation prize.

Bob: Yeah, I know... but... sometimes, even with Sterling, I feel like I want to go for a brand new car.

Beth: One more chance at the Showcase Showdown of luuuve.

Bob: You know... give the big wheel one more spin... to see if for once I'm... lucky... and not just practical.

Beth: Bob?

Bob: Yeah?

Beth: I'd go for practical.

Bob: Really?

Beth: [nodding] I always tend to over bid in the first round.

Vicki: Don't tell J.P.

Beth: Why would I do that?

Vicki: Don't married people tell each other everything?

Bill Foster: I've passed the point of no return. Do you know what that is, Beth? That's the point in a journey where it's longer to go back to the beginning. It's like when those astronauts got in trouble. I don't know, somebody messed up, and they had to get them back to Earth. But they had passed the point of no return. They were on the other side of the moon and were out of contact for like hours. Everybody waited to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, that's me. I'm on the other side of the moon now and everybody is going to have to wait until I pop out.

Beth: The police are here.

Bill Foster: Did you know, Beth, that in some South American countries it's still legal to kill your wife if she insults you?

Heather: What kind of a jail sentence do you think you can get for contributing to the delinquency of a minor?

Beth: Well all I can tell you is I think your cousin is gonna go home a little older and a little wiser.

Heather: Just as long as she doesn't go home a little pregnant.

Brea: [answering phone] Hello? Hi Beth!

Beth: Brea, is Carla there?

Brea: Uh-uh, I haven't seen here and I've been in the house a couple hours.

Beth: Oh. Well listen, when you see her, tell her that Nick and I are here getting bombed, and we're gonna drink margaritas until the bartender raises the Mexican flag, and then I think I'll go drown myself.

Brea: Beth, is something wrong? Are you all right?

Beth: What could be wrong? Bye-bye.

[hangs up phone]

Beth: What kind of a person drives from Colorado to Louisiana to work in a dog kennel?

Logan: I couldn't tell you. I walked.

Beth: You walked? You walked here from Colorado?

Logan: I like to walk.

Beth: Why did you come here?

Logan: To find you.

Beth: [watching Logan work] Do you know if he has an off switch?

Ellie: I hope not.

Logan: Do you still run competitively?

Beth: Oh no, now I just do it to clear my head. It's a lot cheaper than therapy.

Logan: So is walking.

Beth: Sorry, it's been a while.

Beth: If God wants me with Him, there is none who will stop Him. I don't mind. I was never like the rest of you... making plans about the great things I'd do. I never saw myself as anything much. Not a great writer like you.

Jo: Beth, I'm not a great writer.

Beth: But you will be. Oh, Jo, I've missed you so. Why does everyone want to go away? I love being home. But I don't like being left behind. Now I am the one going ahead. I am not afraid. I can be brave like you.

Beth: I know I shall be homesick for you even in Heaven.

Beth: [hearing Jo crying] Are you thinking about father?

Jo March: [whimpering] My hair!

Beth: I feel stronger with you close by.

Beth: I'm so full of happiness, that if Father was only here, I couldn't hold one drop more.

Interviewer: I see you have a scar on your neck.

Beth: Car accident.

Interviewer: Were you drinking?

Beth: Yeah - but I wasn't driving.

[from trailer only]

Beth: Is there heat coming off this thing or is it just happy to see me?

Barnes: Oh, you are a hell of a woman. I wish I knew you in the old days. Norman told me you were...

Beth: [defensive] Norman told you what?

Barnes: Let's put it this way - that if Jerry could read your mind, he'd be bored with ours!

Harry: [quoting "Jerry"] "I make a journey. You make a journey. We make a journey together."

Beth: I think Jerry's channeling Deepak Chopra.

Barnes: If this translation is right this alien sounds like an idiot.

Beth: That's something to consider - a stupid alien. Well, they must have them.

Beth: Are you telling me that by Harry going into the Sphere, he now has the power to manifest his dreams, his fantasies.

Norman Goodman: MANIFEST! MANIFEST! He made it happen. It's not that different from a child. A child imagines something that believes its real and its not there, but with Harry, He not only makes it real from himself, he makes real for all of us.

Beth: I wanted to thank you for saving my life.

Norman Goodman: ...An interesting life to save...

Adele: Men are pigs.

Beth: Yeah, for sure. You know it's pretty easy to put a collar on a pig.

Beth: I'm not the best, but I am the most persistent.

[first lines]

Joa: Are you alright? I'm taking Posy to an audition, so you're manning the front desk this morning.

Beth: I'm not, I'm revising.

Joa: It's writing. You can revise on the desk. You have to give people keys, Beth.

Beth: Do you need to call your mom to check?

Emelia: I would but, she's a bit dead.

Beth: Oh. Sorry.

Emelia: It's okay. Not very fair for you to take the blame. She *did* kill herself.

[last lines]

Beth: Na zdrowie.

Whitney: [about Lorna] Do you think she ever saw a cock before this class?

Beth: If she did, it was in a Botticelli.

Stuart: Your friend looks like she's having fun.

Beth: Yeah. I get to listen to them have sex later.

Stuart: Can we switch? I'm over at the Dvorzak hotel and it's probably been three centuries since anybody's had sex over there.

Sasha: We have contract here.

Beth: What kind of contract?

Sasha: Anyone who comes to this place... cannot leave... without killing.

Beth: What is this place?

Stuart: This place... people come here... people come here to kill people.

Beth: What? Who kills? Oh my God, are they gonna kill us?

Stuart: Well... not... us.

Axelle: [looking at Beth in the mirror] You have a scratch.

Beth: [Axelle picks up a make-up brush and paints over it] Ouch... it's sore.

Axelle: I'm sorry.You have such beautful skin.

Beth: So you and Sasha. Are you two...

Axelle: Oh, no. God, no. He's old enough to be my dad.

Beth: What does he do?

Axelle: He does auctions.

Riccardo: I knew you were a tease, you fucking cunt.

Beth: What the fuck did you call me?

Riccardo: I called you stupid fucking American cunt!

Beth: Fuck you!

Riccardo: You know what? The train to fucking Prague is long, you bitch! We'll come see you.

Beth: Your sister would kill us if she knew we did it in her bed.

Tim Strode: Hey, it was your idea.

Beth: I am bad, aren't I?

Tim Strode: Only when you wear crotchless panties and bark like a dog.

[they laugh and kiss; Tim starts to get up]

Beth: Where are you going?

Tim Strode: I gotta take a shower. You know, to stay fresh.

Beth: Watch out for the bogeyman.

Kara: Beth, who's that guy that lives across the hall from you?

Beth: Why? You interested?

Kara: No. He's always staring out of his window. Last night I caught him watching me.

Beth: Oh, that must be Tommy. On a weirdness scale from one to ten, he rates about a thirteen. Supposedly some scary shit happened to him when he was a kid. Messed up his head really bad. He's harmless though. Probably just lonely...

Tim Strode: ...or horny. Something you haven't felt in a while.

Beth: We are not going to allow the powers that be tell us what to do anymore. For years Halloween represented everything wrong with Haddonfield, but Michael Myers is gone. There is no Boogeyman.

Barry Simms: Dang Tim! Does she get this riled up in the sack? I bet she wears crotchless panties and barks like a dog!

Dennis Crim: A cookie cutter shark. The normal dive is nothing more than skin, blubber - flesh!

Beth: Get me out of here!

Gordon: Let's rock it out! Let's shock the western world.

[Beth throws a ping-pong ball into one of Gordon's cups on his side of the inflatable beer pong mattress, while playing Beer Pong]

Gordon: Ooooo!

Beth: [Gordon takes the ball out of the cup and drinks it] Who is the champion of the world?

Beth: You can't walk... and you're getting worse...

Martin Brundle: I'm getting...*better*!

Beth: D'you know what I was thinking, though?

Aaron: What's that?

Beth: I think we should get a gun.

Aaron: Yeah?

Beth: Yeah.

Aaron: Wow... Can't get a gun every time a lightbulb blows. You know how I feel about guns, right?

Beth: I just don't feel safe here any more.

Aaron: Yeah... ah...

Beth: Think I'm being silly, don't you?

Aaron: No. Of course, No. I just... you know, I just worry... with the kids and...

Beth: S'alright...

Aaron: Know what? No. If that's - if that's what you... need to feel safe. We will get a gun.

Beth: Thank you.

Aaron: I'll get one tomorrow. Wanna watch some TV?

Beth: They can fix this. They'll fix everything. They can fix this. They'll fix everything. They can fix this...

[first lines]

Beth: Hi, Mrs. Lawrence.

[last lines]

Bobby: Beth.

Beth: [screams]

Beth: [Just before she's stabbed] You scared me!

[first lines]

Jack Yeats: [answering the phone] Obits, Jack Yeats speaking.

Beth: Paris, it's Beth!

Jack Yeats: Here's $150. Don't spend it all in one place.

Beth: I may only be going to one place...

Beth: It wasn't the sound of splintering wood I heard. It was his arms... he'd broken both his arms trying to get into the door.