Bertie Quotes in Thomas and the Magic Railroad (2000)

Bertie: How 'bout a race, Thomas?

[makes rumble sounds]

Thomas: Sorry, Bertie. I can't today. I have to be a really useful engine and solve some mysteries instead.

Bertie: I guess that means I win, perhaps another day.

[makes rumble sounds]

[Bertie the bus roars past the steam engines who are having a meeting a siding. The only engine not present is Percy]

Bertie: Smile you steamers. It's a sunny day. Broom broom!

James: It's not sunny because Mr C's not at the windmill. I've looked.

Thomas: I think his sparkle's all gone.

Henry: My smokebox doesn't feel sunny. It feels stuffed up.

Gordon: Nasty fumes form dingy diesel. Hmm!

Henry: And diesel is after the lost engine.

Toby: And if he finds her, I fear that will destroy us all.

Gordon: What even an engine as big as me!

Toby: Yes Gordon, even you.

Thomas: Ahh... Choo!

[shakes as he sneezes]

James: Say it don't spay it, Thomas.

Thomas: I've still got sneezing powder up my funnel. Now I'm going to find Mr Conductor.

[puffs away]

Toby: And let us get back to work. That's what he would want.

[referring to Mr Conductor]

Bertie: How bout a race Thomas? Broom Broom!

Thomas: Sorry Bertie. I can't today. I have to be a really useful engine and solve some mysteries instead.

Bertie: I guess that means I win. Perhaps another day. Broom broom broom!

Thomas: Good morning, Henry. What's the matter?

Henry: [sickly] I've got boiler-ache.

Thomas: And I'm collecting one, two, three, four, five, six trucks of special Island of Sodor coal for you.

Henry: [ligtens up] Thank you, Thomas. Special coal should make me feel much better.

[as Thomas backs up to his coal trucks, one of them gets sent through the buffers]

Bertie: [as he passes by] Hello, Thomas, and your 5 coal trucks!

Thomas: [confused] Five? But I'm supposed to have 6.

Bertie: ...But, to answer your question, Elizabeth, I *am* going to eat a hot dog - five hot dogs - TEN!... I'M GOING TO SHOVE THEM IN MY MOUTH, STICK TWO UP MY NOSTRILS, TWO MORE IN MY EARS, AND WALK AROUND SO THAT PEOPLE CAN TAKE PICTURES OF THE KING OF ENGLAND WITH HOT DOGS HANGING OUT OF HIS ORIFICES!

Bertie: I asked, without mentioning you, about these hot dogs. What's that about. Do you want to know what he said? He said he doesn't get the fuss. They're just a good thing to eat at a picnic. There's no meaning. Nothing more.

Elizabeth: You didn't say I was concerned?

FDR: Sir, my mother does not approve of cocktails. And thinks you might rather have a cup of tea?

Bertie: My mother would have said the same thing. Actually, I prefer a cocktail.

FDR: A man after my own heart.

Bertie: [after a tray with a stack of plates collapses with a big crash] I suppose an angel just passed, a very clumsy one.

Bertie: They didn't want me as their king.

FDR: I didn't know they voted for that in England.

Bertie: Don't ever compare me to my brother again!

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: The fantastic tale of Eily Bergen.

Bertie: I can't wait to hear the ending.

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: But you haven't even heard the start.

Bertie: I can't wait to hear that either.

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: And the other thing about the Phantom Lady was, Bert, she realized, in the city that never sleeps...

Bertie: What did she realize, Kitten?

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: That all the songs she'd listened to, all the love songs, that they were only songs.

Bertie: What's wrong with that?

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: Nothing, if you don't believe in them. But she did, you see. She believed in enchanted evenings, and she believed that a small cloud passed overhead and cried down on a flower bed, and she even believed there was breakfast to be had...

Bertie: Where?

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: On Pluto. The mysterious, icy wastes of Pluto.

Bertie: You know, Kitten, I made a decision a long time ago.

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: What decision was that?

Bertie: That I wasn't destined for sentimental side of things. But if I ever did let myself fall for someone, I think it would be a girl like you.

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: Bertie, please, I have to stop you. There's something you should know.

Bertie: Or maybe what I should say is, it would be a girl not a million miles away from where I'm standing. What's the matter, Princess?

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: Well, you see, the thing is, Bertie, I'm not a girl.

Bertie: Oh, I knew that, Princess.

Patrick "Kitten" Braden: You did?

Bertie: Of course. What I said was, it would be a girl like you.

Bertie: Fantastic!

Bertie: What do you make of her?

Vivian Van Damm: She's beautiful.

Bertie: Yes.

Vivian Van Damm: But the nipples...

Bertie: Too large?

Vivian Van Damm: They're not British. Could be Italian. We must have British nipples.

Laura Henderson: Do you find these women attractive?

Bertie: Some of them are very pretty.

Laura Henderson: Oh yes, I can certainly see that, but do they intrigue you as a man?

Bertie: Ah... I have other inclinations.

Laura Henderson: Oh... OH! How delicious!

[Bertie and Joe start slow dancing to the Rolling Stones' "Moonlight Mile"]

Joe Nast: What did I do?

Bertie: You played my song.

Bertie: So, commercial real-estate?

Joe Nast: Commercial real-estate.

Bertie: What the hell does that mean?

Joe Nast: [laughing] I have no idea.

Bertie: And this is what you want to do?

Joe Nast: Not really.

Bertie: Oh, and what do you want to do?

Joe Nast: I want to figure out what I want to do.

Bertie: So you're kind of in "Escrow" at the moment?... real-estate term.

Joe Nast: Yeah, I recognized that one

[chuckles]

Joe Nast: What did I do?

Bertie: You played this song.

Joe Nast: [at the post office] I think you have some mail here.

Bertie: You think?

Bertie: You think if you just run around fast enough, figure out what everyone wants, no one's gonna notice what a coward you are? Are you that scared? - You sleep in that house, eat their food... you act like everyday's just another Sunday

[pause]

Bertie: you think if you just keep it up, these people won't notice their daughter's missing?

Joe Nast: What are we doing that's so different? - Lend a hand, Bertie! There's not a body in that bar that thinks Cal McGinnis is ever coming home!

[pause]

Joe Nast: You think I don't know that you're never gonna make room in your life for someone who want's to know you better than 60 lousy percent?

[pause]

Joe Nast: It's the last 40 that counts!

Bertie: [whisper's] Where'd you go, Joe?

[walks out, slamming door behind her]

Joe Nast: [whisper's to himself] I'm... right here.

Bertie: Sorry, we could not complete the postal cycle.

Bertie: [addressing Ben and Jo-Jo] We've never actually met. I'm your route manager. I helped Joe here do some bin diving, dig up your invites. Really excellent paper selection.

[pause]

Bertie: I... I'm sorry we couldn't complete the postal cycle for you.

Bertie: So, did you ever see that "Lucy" episode where she's in this big vat stomping grapes, making wine?... I feel like that everytime I cimb in. I pretend I'm in Italy

[Bertie and Joe get into the mail bin]

Bertie: ... feeling Italian?

Joe Nast: Uh - no, not just yet.

Bertie: Give it a sec.

Bertie: So, did you come back for that drink?

Joe Nast: [chuckles] No, the dancing, actually.

Joe Nast: That song at the bar, that was your's?

Bertie: He never actually heard it... but

Joe Nast: ...But he knew you pretty well?

Bertie: About 60%

Bertie: Oh shit, I gotta pee!

Aunt Hetty: Oh, oh! Oh, I've got a pain.

Bertie: It's the lobster.

Aunt Hetty: Not at all! It's not in my tummy, it's in my heart! It's because you're so cruel to me, Bertie!

Erskine: Bertie, they'll be alright.

Bertie: Hetty's responsible for her.

Erskine: Oh, Bertsie, you have no romance.

Bertie: No. Come.

Erskine: I'd love to!