Benny Quotes in The Lego Movie (2014)

[repeated line]

Benny: Spaceship!

Benny: Disable the shield! Come on! You are undermining me!

Computer: Which phrase would you like me to underline?

Benny: Disable the shield!

Metalbeard: Let me try.

[to the computer]

Metalbeard: Be ye disabling of yond shield.

Computer: Disabling shield.

Benny: What?

Benny: [suddenly appears] Hey, I'm Ben! But you can call me Benny! And I can build a spaceship. Watch this.

[starts building a spaceship]

Benny: Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship! Spaceship!

Lucy: No! You can't. The skies are surrounded.

Benny: That's okay, I didn't really wanna build a spaceship. Anyway, that's cool.

[kicks his half built spaceship and it falls apart]

Vitruvius: My fellow Master Builders. Including but not limited to Robin Hood, Mermaid Lady, Gandalf, Swamp Creature, 1980s Something Space Guy...

Benny: Hello.

Vitruvius: ...The 2002 NBA All Stars and Wonder Woman. You have traveled far to be here for a moment of great import. We have learned that Lord Business plans to unleash a fully-weaponized Kragle on Taco Tuesday to end the world as we know it.

[the crowd gets restless]

Vitruvius: Please calm yourselves Green Ninja, Milhouse, Nice Vampire, Michelangelo, Michelangelo, and Cleopatra. There is yet one hope. The Special has arisen.

Gandalf: Have the young man step forward.

Vitruvius: As you wish, Dubbledore.

Gandalf: I'm Gandalf!

Dumbledore: It's pronounced Dumbledore.

Vitruvius: Dubbledore?

Dumbledore: No, Dumbledore.

Vitruvius: I thought you said Dubbledore.

Gandalf: Vitruvius!

Vitruvius: Ah, we gotta write all that down 'cause I'm not gonna remember any of it, but here we go. The Special will now give an eloquent speech.

[to Emmet]

Vitruvius: Go ahead man, you got this.

Benny: Hi! I'm Ben, but you can call me Benny, and I can build a Spaceship! Watch!

Benny: Hey, Quaid! I'm gonna squash you!

Douglas Quaid: Benny! Here!

Benny: [shouts] Where the fuck are you?

Douglas Quaid: [killing him with a large drill] SCREW YOU!

Benny: [to Mary, the three-breasted hooker] Baby, you make me wish I had three hands.

Vilos Cohaagen: [after Cohaagen's team kills Kuato] So this is the great man. Hmph. No wonder he kept out of sight. Well, my friend...

[puts his hands on Quaid's shoulders]

Vilos Cohaagen: ...you're a hero.

Douglas Quaid: Fuck you!

Vilos Cohaagen: Don't be modest. Kuato is dead. The resistance has been completely wiped out and you were the key to the whole thing.

Douglas Quaid: [to Melina] He's lying.

Melina: [to Quaid] You two-faced bastard!

Vilos Cohaagen: You can't blame him, princess.

[His finger grazes Melina's face]

Vilos Cohaagen: He's innocent. You see, Quaid, none of my people could get close to Kuato. Fuckin' mutants could always sniff us out. So Hauser and I sat down and invented you: the perfect mole.

Douglas Quaid: You know you're lying. Hauser turned against you.

Vilos Cohaagen: Uh-uh. That's what we wanted you to think. Fact is, Hauser volunteered to become "Doug Quaid." It was the only way to fool the psychics.

Douglas Quaid: Get your story straight.

[Points to Richter]

Douglas Quaid: This idiot has been trying to kill me ever since I went to Rekall. You don't kill someone you're trying to plant.

Vilos Cohaagen: He wasn't in on it. You set him off by going to Rekall.

Douglas Quaid: So, why I am still alive?

Vilos Cohaagen: We gave you lots of help.

[points to Benny]

Vilos Cohaagen: Benny here...

Benny: [to Quaid] My pleasure, man.

Vilos Cohaagen: The guy with the suitcase, the mask, the money, the message from Hauser. All of that was set up by us.

Douglas Quaid: Sorry. Too perfect.

Vilos Cohaagen: Perfect, my ass! You pop your memory cap before we can activate you. Richter goes hog-wild screwing up everything that I spent a year planning. Frankly... I'm amazed it worked!

Douglas Quaid: Well, Cohaagen. I've got to hand it to you. It's the best mind-fuck yet.

Benny: Hey, man, I got five kids to feed!

[Quaid hands him a wad of cash]

Douglas Quaid: Take them to the dentist.

[the traitorous Benny shoots George/Kuato]

Benny: Congratulations, Quaid. You led us right to him.

Douglas Quaid: Benny? Why?

Melina: How can you do this? You're a mutant.

Benny: [shrugs] I got four kids to feed.

Douglas Quaid: So what happened to number five?

Benny: [beat] Aw, shit, man! You got me. I'm not even married. Now, shut up and put your fucking hands in the air!

Benny: I'm gonna drill you, sucker! I'm gonna grind you up!

Benny: You ever fuck a mutant?

[Kuato is dying]

Kuato: Quaid... Quaid...

Benny: Forget it, man, his fortune-telling days are over.

Kuato: Start the reactor. Free Mars...

[Richter appears and shoots Kuato through the head]

Benny: Hey, man, you need a cab?

Douglas Quaid: Well, what's wrong with this one?

[points to other cabbie]

Benny: [laughs] He ain't got five kids to feed.

Douglas Quaid: Where's yours?

Benny: Right over there man.

[takes Quaid with him]

Punk Cabbie: Hey. Hey, man, that's my fare. Hey, asshole, that's my fare.

Benny: Eat this!

[gives him the finger]

[while being chased and shot by Richter in another Johnnycab]

Benny: [yells at Quaid] What are you trying to do to me, man?

Melina: Shut up and drive!

Benny: Hey, I got five kids to feed.

Douglas Quaid: Tell me something. Are all psychics...

Benny: Freaks? Afraid so, man. It goes with the territory.

Douglas Quaid: What happened to them?

Benny: Cheap domes and no air to clean out the rays.

[they are outside The Last Resort]

Benny: So, this is it. The Last Resort! You sure you wanna go in there, man?

Douglas Quaid: Why not?

Benny: 'Cause I know this *much* better place down the street! The girls are cleaner, the liquor ain't watered down...

Douglas Quaid: Sure, and you get kickbacks.

Benny: Ha ha ha ha! Hey man, I got five kids to feed!

Douglas Quaid: [gives him a wad of cash] Take them to the dentist.

Benny: Hey! Thanks, mister! Listen, I'll be waiting right here for you! Benny's the name. Benny!

Benny: Alright beauty, this is gonna sound insane, but I need a 2 lane grasshopper in order to get these guys off your back.

Tobey Marshall: Roger.

Julia Maddon: What's a grasshopper?

Tobey Marshall: You may wanna close your eyes for this.

Julia Maddon: Is it worse than bus, bus, bus?

Benny: Let me in, Pike. I'm *hungry*!

Pike: Go home, Ben.

Benny: [whining] C'mon I'm hungry.

Pike: You're floating! C'mon, man, get away from here!

Benny: Her yabos scoff at gravity.

Benny: [upon firing his shotgun] Oh shit, he wasn't a zombie?

Barry: No he fucking wasn't!

Benny: Is he alright? Is he ok?

Barry: His head is fucked!

Barry: We need to find a zombie fast.

Brooke: A zombie? What do we need a zombie for?

Benny: This truck runs on zombies. No zombies? No truck.

Jerry Jarvis: Silver Streak is a runaway. What do we do?

Benny: Jeez, it'll be here in four minutes!

Benny: Don't ever fuck with Benny the cop.

Lasse: Radio Cars?

Benny: That is what they are called

Lasse: I will not drive around saying "radio cars"

Benny: Then some errors will occur. There's a lot of vehicles in the police force. Emergency vehicles, Black Marias...

Jacob: Benny, we just have two cars. Number one and number two. That can't be too difficult to understand.

Benny: I've had a collision down at Östervegen. The trashcan on the left side is completely wasted. Hell, it looks as if a fucking psychopath has been there...

Benny: Where the Hell are we going to have lunch now?

Benny: Shit, they got some really cool waistcoats.

Jacob: What has happened to you hair?

Benny: Nothing.

Jacob: Nothing? You're god damn...

[points]

Benny: Stop it.

Jacob: Do you wear a wig?

Benny: Jacob, god damn, don't tell anyone.

Jacob: No.

Benny: Don't tell anyone. Nobody's going to like me.

Jacob: Yes.

Benny: No... I can't do a thing. I don't want to be a cop anymore. I can't even... I'm so fucking bad. I can't even drive a car properly. I'm just a bald egghead.

Benny's neighbour: What are you, a woman?

Benny: No, I'm a cop!

Benny: Can you help me with the computer?

HÃ¥kan: Yes, I'm coming.

Benny: Come on!

HÃ¥kan: Just hit the button.

Benny: Well there is a hell of a lot of buttons, - "Pause", "Delete", "Home".

Benny: Shit come on.

Benny: HÃ¥kan!

HÃ¥kan: Take it easy!

Benny: [Benny drives like a lunatic, even though the SWAT-Team is way behind them] Don't fuck with Beny the Cop! You won't catch me! I'm going to turn left.

[turn right]

Jacob: What are you talking about, there's nobody chasing us!

Jessica: [When Jessica's investigating in the incidents, Benny's explanation to her what he "thinks" what happened to the sausage stall is hilarious. We see a cut scene to Benny's imagine spot how a group of ten masked men standing on a black pickup truck drive by the sausage stall firing a grenade launcher at it]

[Jessica interrupted]

Jessica: But why would someone blow Janne's kiosk with a grenade launcher?

Benny: Deception maneuver. Well, they blow up the kiosk while they plan to do another thing somewhere else. Like in Die Hard 3.

Jessica: [Having a hard time, believing it] ... Ah, okay.

Benny: Well, that settles it, then. My mother definitely drank pool water when she was pregnant with me.

Benny: [after being confronted by a pack of wildebeest] Don't panic, I'm in charge here.

Bridget: That's why we're panicking!

[Benny walks up to Hamir]

Hamir: Oh Benny, I am needing until Friday before I pay you back.

Benny: No, no, it's Ryan. He's in one of those green boxes, and they took it away. We got to find him.

Hamir: That is not good, not good at all.

[Pidgeons are dancing behind him trying to tell him something]

Hamir: Ah! I know, I know! I am telling him you crazy pigeons!

[sighs]

Paulie: Hit the brakes, ugly.

Benny: Oh, that's cute. You train the bird to insult your customers?

Paulie: No, I could tell you're ugly all by myself.

Benny: I love going Commando!

[the Sandlot Kids and their arch-rivals come face-to-face]

Phillips: It's easy when you play with rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez.

Benny: Shut your mouth, Phillips!

Ham Porter: What'd you say, crap face?

Phillips: You shouldn't be allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game.

Ham Porter: Come on! We'll take you on, right here! Right now! Come on!

Sandlot Kids: Yeah!

Phillips: We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats.

Ham Porter: Watch it, jerk!

Phillips: Shut up, idiot!

Ham Porter: Moron!

Phillips: Scab eater!

Ham Porter: Butt sniffer!

Phillips: Pus licker!

Ham Porter: Fart smeller!

Bertram: [sniffs] Ahh.

Phillips: You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek!

Ham Porter: You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam!

Sandlot Kids: Yeah!

Phillips: You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it!

Ham Porter: You play ball like a giiirrrrrrrrl!

[entire group stands in shocked silence]

Phillips: What did you say?

Ham Porter: You heard me.

Phillips: Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath.

Ham Porter: Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face!

Sam: How sick is she?

Benny: She's plenty sick. Now listen to me, I've been doin' some thinkin'...

Sam: Because, you know, it seems to me that, I mean, except for being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal.

Benny: Hey. Where's Sam?

Joon: I didn't mean to kick him out. I mean, I didn't kick him out, he just - he just left.

Benny: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What - What happened? Did something happen?

Joon: He just - he just left. He was - he was in the air and-and-and - with a thing and - that was really loud. It was really loud. And all- I-I just kept seeing... He didn't mean to do it.

Benny: Do it? What? What- Did he- What did he do?

Joon: He cleaned the house.

Joon: She was given to fits of semi-precious metaphors.

Benny: The woman is a housekeeper, Joon, not an English professor.

Joon: Should we let him in?

Benny: Yeah, before someone slaps a stamp on him and sends him to Guam.

Joon: He can really cook, can't he?

Benny: Uh, yeah. Although for grilled cheese, I mighta used a wool setting.

Joon: That's what I told him.

Benny: Really? What-what did he use?

Joon: Rayon.

Benny: Mm.

Joon: Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would have...

Benny: Would have burned it.

Joon: Right. Fortunately, he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it.

Joon: I lost...

Benny: What's in the pot?

Joon: A cousin.

Sam: I'm Sam.

Benny: So I hear. I'm Benny.

Sam: With an 'n'?

Benny: Yea two of 'em. This is Joon.

Sam: With an 'n'?

Joon: One. You're out of your tree.

Sam: It's not my tree.

Benny: You can't bet a human being!

Benny: So why'd you leave?

Ruthie: L.A.? I wasn't that good of an actress.

Benny: Well, that's not how Sam tells it. He's raving about you.

Ruthie: Yeah, well, he's sweeter than he is judgmental. How long have you known him?

Benny: Sam? Uh, 72 hours.

Ruthie: Be serious.

Benny: I am... serious.

Ruthie: Really?

Benny: I'm always serious. I'm too serious.

Benny: I hope you're happy... I hope you're happy with what you have done to her.

[throws Sam against wall]

Benny: You just stay the hell away from my sister.

Sam: [shakes his head] No... no.

Benny: You wanna know why everyone laughs at you, Sam? Because you're an idiot. You're a first-class *moron*.

[lets go of Sam. Pauses]

Sam: [nodding head while stumbling slowly away] You're scared, Benny.

Benny: I'm *what*?

Sam: You're scared. I can see it... And I know why. I used to look up to you. But... uh... now I can't look at you at all.

[walks out of hospital]

Joon: Why do you hate me so much?

Benny: I don't hate you.

Joon: You need me to be sick.

[first lines]

Randy Burch: So we're planning our next vacation, right? I want Australia, she wants Italy. I like snorkeling, she likes garlic. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she says to me: Do I need her? Jesus, Benny. What kind of a question is that? I mean, "need?" What does it really mean to need someone?

Eric: Benny, fuel line!

[and the phone begins ringing]

Benny: Hey Waldo, could you answer that phone?

Waldo: Hello?

UPS Man: [walks in] I need a check, Benny. COD.

Benny: In a minute. Meet me in the office.

UPS Man: All right...

Benny: [about Randy's cigarette] Whoa! Put that out! I got a fuel line broke.

Waldo: Hey, Benny. Joon's on the phone again.

Benny: Well, tell her I'll call her back. Find out what she wants.

Waldo: It's an emergency. She says you're runnin' low on Peanut Butter Super Chunks.

Benny: [under his breath] An emergency...

[last lines]

Ruthie: Haven't we tried this before?

Benny: [presenting flowers] Yeah, but my life's a lot less complicated now.

Ruthie: Is Joon inside? Yeah.

Benny: Yeah? OK...

[brings flowers inside and sees Joon "ironing" cheese sandwiches with Sam]

Mandy: I love you too, my little pookie pages.

Benny: Not as much as I love you, cuddlebuns.

Mandy: Ohh, I love you more!

Ella: Okay! Lots of love, moving on.

Benny: Looks like she's getting herself an FWI.

Ella: An FWI?

Benny: Flying while intoxicated.

Slannen the Elf: [rustling] Oh no... The rustling always comes before the screaming and the running. I *knew* this was gonna happen! They're just gonna find pieces of us scattered across the forest.

Benny: [a rabbit hops out of the bushes] Oh, a bunny. You know, the last known case of a bunny attack was, well, *never*.

Ella: Why don't you like music?

Slannen the Elf: Oh that's right, because elves are supposed to be so happy and joyful all the time. Singin' and dancin' for the *man*. I don't want to be an entertainer. I want to be...

Ella: What?

Slannen the Elf: Nothin...

Ella: No, what were you going to say.

Slannen the Elf: Forget it. It's silly.

Ella: Please tell me.

Slannen the Elf: I want to be a lawyer.

Benny: I guess that would be in small claims court.

Benny: I would have left her ages ago, except I love her so damn much. Plus, I have no legs.

Ella: [hearing a noise in the forest] What was that?

Benny: Probably something that wants to eat us.

Mandy: [Talking about Bennie] He knows everything.

Benny: Thanks sweetie, but not everything. If I did, I'd be a lot thicker.

Benny: You were supposed to get her number. Not doo-doo.

Walter: There is a house I want to buy.

Benny: Let's just cut to the chase, Okay? What do you want?

Walter: I want you to loan me $200,000 in cash.

Benny: No.

Walter: Benny!

Benny: You shout at me?

Walter: I shout at you! I need that money and you are going to loan it to me.

Benny: No, I won't!

Walter: Yes, you will!

Benny: No, No, No!

Walter: Yes, you will! I saved you ten times that in taxes last year.

Benny: So what?

Walter: Benny, if you don't loan me that money. I'll...

Benny: You'll what? Huh? You'll what?

Walter: I'll... not like you any more!

Benny: ...All right.

Walter: Thanks.

Benny: You've got more Mercedes cars on one street than we've got in all of Wisconsin!

Benny: You know what?

Ann: What?

Benny: Your boobs are getting big.

Ann: Shut up!

Benny: [giggling] Mary Girling and Julie Eastman.

[motions boobs on his chest]

Benny: Getting really big ones!

Ann: Don't be gross.

Benny: Oh, boobs aren't gross. Boobs are beautiful.

[laughs]

Ray: Remember my nickname when we were in the joint?

Benny: The Brain?

Ray: The Brain. That's what the guys used to call me, right?

Benny: But, Ray! That was sarcastic!

Benny: You know what I say? She gets a share, but not a full share.

Tommy: I'd go for that. Yeah.

Denny: Yeah, what if we each get a fourth and she gets, like, a third?

Benny: What are you? Nuts? Then she'd be getting more than us!

Denny: How do you figure?

Benny: Where are you gonna get four fourths and a third? Can't you add?

Denny: I don't do fractions, all right?

Ray: What the hell are you gonna do with a flower shop?

Benny: Burn it down.

Ray: What do you mean, "burn it down"? You're still burning stuff down for insurance?

Benny: I burn everything. That's how I sent two kids through college.

Benny: You do that and Big Sep kills us all.

Charlie: Fuck Big Sep!

Benny: Oh, shit. We missed a girl, I'm trying to find the fucking super in this goddamn building.

Benny: Marybeth, I know what I am. Don't think for a second that I don't, 'cus I do. Like when I hear you and Ridley talking to some of the other girls, things yous able to talk about

[shrugs]

Benny: you're smart, you got schooling, you know things. Me, what do I know... I know that being with me must be like being with a retard. I look in the mirror sometimes, I wonder what you're doin with me. I know you do, too. When the day comes, you find somebody better, 'cus one day that will happen, I ain't gonna give you no shit over it, ok? I'm just gonna be grateful that I had some time with you. You's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I love you.

Benny: Your ghetto card has been pulled.

Benny: What do you want to be? Are you gonna be like a farmer or something?

Marcus: I guess I could be a farmer.

Benny: Yeah, I wanted to be a cop. But now that we steal so much, it's probably not a good idea.

Egon: ...700-800 people work there.

Benny: 700-800! That's a lot!

Egon: Yes, that's because it's fully automated.

Benny: Time is a funny thing. Time is a very peculiar item. You see when you're young, you're a kid, you got time, you got nothing but time. Throw away a couple of years, a couple of years there... it doesn't matter. You know. The older you get you say, "Jesus, how much I got? I got thirty-five summers left." Think about it. Thirty-five summers.

Rusty James: How do you know when someone's crazy?

Benny: Well, you don't always. It depends on how many people think they're crazy.

[in a juvenile detention centre]

Honey: You know your lil homies that have always got your back?

Benny: Yea

Honey: Have any of them come to visit you?

[Benny looks around very disappointed]

Honey: Yea, you just think about that!

Benny: Look, yo. There's people that good things happen to. And there's people that good things don't happen to. That's just the way it goes.

Tex: Come on sweetheart. Let's see what you got.

Benny: What the fuck is wrong with you people? Why don't you leave us alone?

Tex: We're hungry.

Benny: You never heard of pizza?

[swings at Tex and misses]

Tex: I like liver...

[punches Benny]

Tex: and onions...

[strangles Benny]

Tex: and pain! And pain! And pain!

Tex: Time for dinner!

Benny: [lights lighter] You're toast, fuck!

Benny: Yeah, militant lumberjacks - I see 'em all the time.

Benny: Sshh. This gun makes an awfully loud noise. And an awfully big hole.

Alfredo: Do I know you?

Benny: Shut up!

Alfredo: Look here Mister; I am very scared of guns, so please, do not point that at my face.

Benny: How many?

Alfredo: How many what, OJ?

Benny: How many sick bent-fucks like YOU are there out here?

Alfredo: Darlin' I only got one thing to say to you; I don't like the tone of your voice.

Benny: What is this? Booby traps? Camel netting? What are you people doin' out here?

Alfredo: Big suprise... FUCK YOU MISTER!

[Spits]

Benny: [Punches Alfredo into the bog] One down.

Vic: [to Olivia] I just don't understand you women. You don't behave like men.

Benny: [to Vic] Well, look, I know a couple that...

Benny: Good Luck with your next batch of fudge!

Dave Waters: It's not over yet!

Benny: Nuthin's over 'til it's over.

Benny: [to Jack about Walters] I never liked him, and I never will!

Jack Kelly: Say, don't you know if you'd been hit by that club, you wouldn't have come to for a week.

Benny: A week, nothin'! You can bring me to in a taxi. Just fan me with a herring.

Benny: You give a woman enough rope, she'll skip.

Benny: [to Jack] You hit me in the stomach when my back was turned.

Jack Kelly: Remember, we're mixing with the cream of society.

Benny: Heh, the cream of today is the cheese of tomorrow.

Jack Kelly: I want to tell you one thing before you go into this club. You've gotta learn to tip, you've gotta learn to give not less than fifty cents, and you've got to learn to give it with a smile.

Benny: I'll give a nickel and cry!