Benjy Stone Quotes in My Favorite Year (1982)

Alan Swann: Our audiences are great.

Alan Swann: Audience? What audience? Audience?

Benjy Stone: You knew there was an audience. What did you think those seats were for?

Alan Swann: I haven't performed in front of an audience in 28 years! Audience? I played a butler. I had one line! I forgot it.

Benjy Stone: Don't worry, this is gonna be easy.

Alan Swann: For you, maybe. Not for me. I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star!

Swann: You see, people like me wear targets. I'm blamed for a lot of things I had absolutely nothing to do with. On the other hand, because of who I am, I get away with murder in other areas. I suppose it all balances out in the end.

Belle: Does it really, Swannee?

Benjy Stone: Ma, he's an actor, not a river.

Alan Swann: Stone... I'm afraid. I'm afraid. That's why I couldn't get out of the car to see my Tess, my child.

Benjy Stone: Alan Swann, afraid? The Defender of the Crown? Captain from Tortuga? The Last Knight of the Round Table?

Alan Swann: Those are movies, damn you! Look at me! I'm flesh and blood, life-size, no larger! I'm not that silly God-damned hero! I never was!

Benjy Stone: To *me* you were! Whoever you were in those movies, those silly goddamn heroes meant a lot to *me*! What does it matter if it was an illusion? It worked! So don't tell me this is you life-size. I can't use you life-size. I need Alan Swanns as big as I can get them! And let me tell you something: you couldn't have convinced me the way you did unless somewhere in you you *had* that courage! Nobody's that good an actor! You *are* that silly goddamn hero!

Uncle Morty: So, Mr. Swann, now that we sat nice, broke bread together, shared a glass of wine, I feel I know you a little.

Swann: Morty, I feel I know you even better.

Uncle Morty: Good! Then you won't mind if I ask you a question?

Benjy Stone: Uncle Morty!

Uncle Morty: What are you worried? It's not personal. What was I - born in Minsk or Pinsk? I know my way around.

Swann: Morty, ask your question.

Uncle Morty: That paternity rap a couple of years ago - did you shtupp her? Did you go all the way? What? What?

Swann: Comedy is such a mystery to me. I feel the way Edmund Kean did.

Benjy Stone: The great English actor?

Swann: Mmm. On his death bed, Kean was asked how he felt. He answered, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."

K.C.: Benjamin, we're in the middle of an interesting conversation, here.

Benjy Stone: Oh, I bet it's *real* interesting. What's the subject of this *interesting* conversation?

Alan Swann: [gazing deep into K.C's eyes] These eyes. They're Merle Oberon's eyes.

Benjy Stone: Merle Oberon's! Oh, and what's Merle doing for eyes? Using Katharine Hepburn's?

[Alan Swann pours himself a drink]

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann, I was supposed to watch you, remember?

Swann: Good. Watch this.

[Pours another drink]

Benjy Stone: Bring Alan Swann to Brooklyn?

Belle: Well, why not? What are you ashamed of?

Benjy Stone: Everything!

K.C.: Do you think there are funny people and not-funny people?

Benjy Stone: Yes. Definitely. On the funny side there are the Marx Brothers, except Zeppo; the Ritz Brothers, no exceptions; both Laurel *and* Hardy; and Woody Woodpecker. On the unfunny side there's anybody who has ever played the accordion professionally.

Benjy Stone: Katherine, Jews know two things: suffering and where to find *great* Chinese food.

K.C.: I mean, what do you want from me?

Benjy Stone: Sex!

Alan Swann: [a very drunken Stone and Swann looking down from the roof at an apartment balcony below] Now, all we have to do is get from here - to there.

Benjy Stone: It won't work!

Alan Swann: It worked perfectly well in "A Slight Case of Divorce"!

Benjy Stone: That was a movie! This is real life!

Alan Swann: What is the difference?

Leo Silver: [reading from a newspaper] "To the question, 'What were you doing naked in Central Park, in Bethesda Fountain, at 3 in the morning?' Swann replied, 'The back stroke.'" Now, is this your idea of watching him, Benji?

Benjy Stone: The police are treating it like a parking ticket. It's no big deal.

Sy: No big deal? We've got kids watching this show. We're talkin' generations to come, here! We're discussin' morals, here!

Alice Miller: [for Herb] You're not qualified to discuss morals, Sy.

Sy: Up your hole with a Mello Roll, Alice! And yours too, Herb!

Belle: I behalf of everyone here, I would like to welcome you to our humble chapeau!

Benjy Stone: Two years at the Sorbonne, she still gets it wrong.

K.C.: Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

Benjy Stone: Sanctuary my ass!

[Follows K.C. into the Ladies room]

Benjy Stone: What are you doing?

Alan Swann: Drinking and leaving!

Alan Swann: Stone, women love to be intrigued. They enjoy unraveling the mystery that is man, but you must allow them the freedom to discover you.

Benjy Stone: Is that what you do?

Alan Swann: No. I don't have that luxury. The women who are interested in me know exactly who I am and what they want, and nine times out of ten, they get it.

Benjy Stone: That's some curse.

Alan Swann: You'd be surprised. You see, no matter what I do, I can never fulfill their expectations.

Benjy Stone: [First lines] 1954. You don't get years like that anymore. It was my favorite year.

Belle: Before your beloved father passed away - and eventually died, he said to me, "Belle, after I go, get someone to be with. Someone nice. A pal."

Benjy Stone: So you went out and found a Filipino batamweight named Rookie Carroca?

Swann: By-the-by, Stone, where is this - Brooklyn?

Benjy Stone: Another world.

Belle: Al...

Benjy Stone: Ma...

Belle: What?

Benjy Stone: It's not Al. If I bring Capone or Jolson, then it's Al.

Uncle Morty: Jolson's coming?

Benjy Stone: Doesn't Sy's office take on a whole different feeling at night?

K.C.: Yeah, it gets worse.

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann, I think I'm going to be unwell.

Swann: Stone, ladies are unwell. Gentlemen vomit.

Benjy Stone: Mm-hm.

Swann: [to a random gentleman] Alfredo, you needn't wait. We shan't need the car any more. We're going to throw up in the park and then walk home.

Benjy Stone: Why did you marry so many of them?

Swann: Stone, I didn't marry any of them. They - married me.

Benjy Stone: In 1954, a Buick was a Buick. It didn't look like a Chevy, which looks like a Pontiac, which you can't tell a part from an Olds. Like today.

Sy: Swann's never going to show up anyhow.

Alice Miller: We'll find him, Sy.

Benjy Stone: What happened?

Alice Miller: He landed fine last night. That much we know.

Benjy Stone: So where is he?

Sy: Where else? Drinking and humping!

Sy: A week's salary, Swann takes a dive. Hey, Swann dive! Bam-Boom!

Benjy Stone: You're on!

Swann: [Wakes up, stands up] Double the lad's bet for me, you toad!

[Passes out]

Swann: We'll talk over dinner.

Benjy Stone: Me? You? The Stork Club?

Swann: Well, after that rather eloquent speech you made earlier this morning, I didn't think you'd mind having dinner with me.

Benjy Stone: You heard that? But, you were out?

Swann: There's out and there's out.

Swann: Stone, I want you to know that this morning I had absolutely no idea I was in the process of inserting myself into an arrangement that already existed between you and Miss Downing.

Benjy Stone: Would it have made any difference?

Swann: No.

Swann: Are you in love with the girl?

Benjy Stone: I think I am. But, I don't know what she wants.

Swann: Romance, Stone. That's the only thing that you can be sure they all want.

Benjy Stone: Okay, here we go. These are all dim sum - Chinese dumplings. These are pan fried, those are steamed - they're good just with vinegar. Chili sauce - stay away from this, baby. A couple of drops of this and you're tongue dials the fire department.

Benjy Stone: Dim sum are too hard to eat with chopsticks. Don't make yourself crazy.

Benjy Stone: First rule: never tell a joke sitting down. You have to be on your feet - and use your hands: This guy walks into a Psychiatrist's office. He has a duck on his head. The Psychiatrist says, "Can I help you?" The duck says, "Yeah, get this guy off my ass."

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann, may I present my mother: Mrs. Belle Mae Steinberg Carroca of Brooklyn, New York and Miami Beach, Florida for two weeks, each and every winter.

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann, may I tell you something? Benjy Stone is not who he seems to be.

Swann: Who is Stone, who is?

Benjy Stone: This is live television.

Swann: Live? Live? What does live mean?

Benjy Stone: It means the exact moment your cavorting and leaping around that stage over there, 20 million people are seeing it.

Swann: What a minute. What a minute!

Benjy Stone: Swann, you're white.

Swann: You mean it all goes into the camera lens and then just spills out into people's houses?

Benjy Stone: Yeah.

Swann: Why is it nobody had the goodness to explain this to me before?

Benjy Stone: Is that think or drink?

Swann: Yes!

Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann!

Swann: Oh my god, it's Stoneburger. Will you ever let me alone?

Benjy Stone: [Last lines] Like Alfi says, "With Swann, you forgive a lot, you know." I know.