Benedict Quotes in Last Action Hero (1993)

Benedict: Gentlemen. Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot. Think of villains Jack. You want Dracula? Dra-cool-la? Hang on

[takes out the ticket]

Benedict: , I'll fetch him. Dracula? Huh. I can get King Kong! We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger, have a surprize party for Adolf Hitler, Hannibal Lecter can do the catering, and then we'll have christening for Rosemary's Baby! All I have to do is snap my fingers and they'll be here. They're lining up to get here, and do you know why Jack? Should I tell you why? Hmm? Because here, in this world, the bad guys can win!

Benedict: I wonder if you'd help me test a theory?

Mechanic: Sure, what can I do for ya?

Benedict: Well...

[Benedict shoots him. He listens for a while, looks at his wristwatch, then shouts]

Benedict: Hello? I've just shot somebody, I did it on purpose!

[listens some more, still nothing]

Benedict: I said, I have murdered a man and I want to confess!

[listens some more, someone tells him, "Hey, shut up, down there!". He looks pleased]

Benedict: I understand you are interested in drug dealers.

Danny Madigan: [whispering] Jack, that's him, the henchman with the glass eye.

Jack Slater: Sir, are you a henchman?

Benedict: No, I only go as far as lackey. Anything else?

Jack Slater: Yeah, take off your sunglasses.

Benedict: Who's asking?

Jack Slater: [flashes Police badge] The tin man.

Benedict: Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks.

Jack Slater: No, they're the wrong color.

Benedict: Are they? Oh dear. Let's change them. Would arterial red suit you?

[points to guard dogs]

Benedict: Make no mistake, they are exceptionally well-trained.

[snaps fingers, dogs form pyramid]

Benedict: I snap my fingers again and some time tomorrow, you emerge from several canine rector. Or you and Toto can return to the land of Oz. Questions?

Jack Slater: Yeah, two of them. Why am I wasting my time with silly putz like you when I could be doing something more dangerous - like rearranging my sock drawer? Two, how exactly are you going to snap your fingers, after I rip off both of your thumbs?

[pause, Benedict reveals smiley-face eye]

Benedict: Have a nice day!

[closing the door, he overhears Danny]

Danny Madigan: He had one with a bulls-eye when he was with your second cousin. He hates his boss, he calls him a "Sicilian schmuck."

Benedict: If God was a villain, he'd be me.

Tony Vivaldi: What is this, Benedict? First you're my friend; now you turn a... 360 on me!

Benedict: 180, you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin - *180*! If I did a 360, I'd go completely around and end up back where I started!

Tony Vivaldi: What?

Benedict: Trust me!

[shoots him]

Jack Slater: Sir, are you a henchman?

Benedict: No, I only go as far as lackey.

Jack Slater: Did you make a movie mistake? You forgot to reload the damn gun.

Benedict: No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty.

Tony Vivaldi: You've had Slater in front of the eight ball before, but you always screwed it up.

Benedict: [after Vivaldi leaves] It's behind the eight ball, you moron!

Benedict: Here, in this world, the bad guys can win!

Benedict: [to Danny] I must warn you, I've killed people smarter and younger than you.

Danny Madigan: Benedict! If you harm a hair on her head...

Benedict: Stop!

[Pulls one strand of Whitney's hair, presents it to Danny, and snaps it in two]

Benedict: You were saying?

[Pulls up a chair]

Benedict: Now, I believe it was Sherlock Holmes who said, "If you eliminate all logical solutions to a problem - all illogical solutions, however unlikely, become inevitably true." See, I know that your name is Daniel Madigan. What I don't know is how you know mine?

Danny Madigan: Slater showed me some mugshots. We made your face easy.

Benedict: Daniel Madigan from New York. A long way from home, aren't you. When did you get here?

Danny Madigan: Just.

Benedict: And how do you know what I said on Vivaldi's terrace?

Danny Madigan: I heard it in a recording.

Benedict: Microphones in the statues, are there?

Danny Madigan: You wouldn't believe how many.

Benedict: And the eye I was wearing?

Danny Madigan: I saw it. I saw it in a movie. There were micro-cameras in the statues.

Benedict: I should tell you, that I have killed people smarter and younger than you.

Tammy, Hell's Kitchen Hooker: Sweetheart, wanna have a party?

Benedict: How old are you?

Tammy, Hell's Kitchen Hooker: Forget it.

Benedict: Take his shoes?

Benedict: The Fart goes off in seven minutes.

Moreau: Respectfully, Benedict, the Devil himself wants this child. Only one place is safe. That is the Sanctuary. The Rider must take him.

Benedict: You do enjoy your wine, Moreau. In a few days the winter solstice will be past and with it the hour of the prophecy. Then the boy will be no use to anyone.

Moreau: By that time, brother, you will all be dead.

Benedict: All those years, I still thought about you. How you embarrassed me! How you humiliated me! How you destroyed my relationship with Muriel Finster, the only woman I ever loved!

TJ: That part still grosses me out, sir.

Principal Prickly: Shh.

Benedict: Same old noble Pete. Always standing up for the rights of children.

TJ: [to Prickly] You?

Benedict: Oh, come now, Pete. There's no need to be rude. Not after I've instructed my men to provide you with special care.

Principal Prickly: Special care? That's what you call gagging me, tying me up, and taking away my pants?

Benedict: [Flashback to 1968] Be cool, people. Be cool.

Female Protester: We'll be cool when you give our kids their recess back!

Benedict: Hey, baby, I can do what I want! I'm the Principal of the school! And there's nothing anybody can do about it! Dig?

Benedict: It started at 3rd street, it will END at 3rd street.

Benedict: Look, Pete, the 60s are over. All that peace and love and freedom stuff, yeah it was great for picking up chicks, but it's not gonna help my career. To do that, I gotta make test scores go up. And to make test scores go up, I gotta keep kids in class where they belong. That's why tomorrow I am tuning out recess once and for all.

Principal Prickly: [voiceover] Needless to say Philliam's plan didn't go over like he planned.

Benedict: [in 1968] Pull up a bag, bro, I wanna rap.

Principal Prickly: Lay it on me, man.

Benedict: You see, Pete, I've been thinking, we're a new generation of teachers, right? It's time we shook things up a little.

Principal Prickly: I hear you brother, in fact, dig this. I was meditating to that new Ravi Shankar album last night when I got this righteous notion. WHat if we hold all our classes outside on the playground? Imagine, school, recess, no boundaries.

Benedict: Hey baby that's a hip idea but Pete I got a better thought here. As my first official act as principal, I've decided to get rid of recess.

Principal Prickly: What? No recess? But Phil! For a kid, recess is like a major play-in, it's the one time of day they have any freedom.

Mikey Blumberg: [while the gang is spying on Benedict] Uh, TJ? I got that feeling, again...

TJ: Suck it in, big guy!

[Mikey lets out a loud belch that echoes through the school]

Benedict: ...Somebody better say "Excuse me."

Joe Ryan: Benedict, just why are you back in town? And what are you trying to pull, up at the Mary-Ann?

Benedict: No one's been near that worthless mine for years

Joe Ryan: I'm not so sure it's worthless. You ain't hanging on here for nothing.

Benedict: Joe Ryan, your father was a bad man in this town. What are you trying to do - live up to his record?

Joe Ryan: Listen to me you old carcass, there's plenty of gold in that mine somewhere, and half of it belongs to me. And I've got a deed right here to prove it.

Benedict: Yes, and I got a pretty good idea how you got it

Joe Ryan: Why you old...

[he grabs Benedict as if to strike him]

John Mason: Just a minute...

Joe Ryan: And who invited you into this game?

John Mason: Looked to me like someone was getting a dirty deal. Just thought I'd cut in.

Joe Ryan: Cutting in here ain't the healthiest thing you could do.

John Mason: Well, I'll take that chance. You boys better get moving.