Bender Quotes in Who'll Stop the Rain (1978)
John Converse: I can't believe we did this.
Bender: Sense of unreality is not a legal defence.
John Converse: Why'd you send her to Canada?
Bender: I sent her there because her parents are criminals.
Hansen: Cowards, all of you. Come on. Whoever wins, Sol does his laundry for the semester.
Sol: Does that seem unfair to anybody?
Bender: No, not at all.
Bender: Go With God!
Sol: Come back a man!
Bender: Fortune favors the brave!
Bender: What did the doctor say?
Sol: Is he sick?
Alicia: I don't know. I want to see what John's been working on.
Sol: Alicia, you know you can't go in his office.
Bender: You know it's classified, Alicia.
[Alicia keeps going]
[as Bender tries to stop her, she turns around and slaps him]
Nash: I will not buy you gentlemen beer.
Bender: Oh, we're not here for beer, my friend.
Bender: Hey, look, you made the cover of Fortune... again...
Bender: [after Claire kisses his neck] Why'd you do that?
Claire Standish: 'Cause I knew you wouldn't.
Claire Standish: [pause] Were you truly disgusted with what I did with my lipstick?
Bender: The truth?
Claire Standish: Yeah.
Bender: [nods] No.
Bender: Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other?
Claire Standish: [nods]
Bender: Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?
Claire Standish: Do you know how popular I am? I am so popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school.
Bender: Poor baby.
[to himself, crawling above some acoustic ceiling tiles]
Bender: Naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. The bartender says, I guess you won't be needing a drink. Naked lady says...
[the ceiling gives way]
Bender: Oh, *shit*.
Bender: [running through the halls singing] I wanna be an airborne ranger / I wanna lead a life of danger / Before the day I die / There's five things I wanna ride / Bicycle, tricycle, automobile / Virgin's mother and a ferris wheel...
Andrew: Speak for yourself.
Bender: Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.
Andrew: Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here. I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads.
Bender: Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet!
Andrew: You wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! You never competed in your whole life!
Bender: Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys who roll around on the floor with other guys.
Andrew: Ah, you'd never make it. You don't have any goals.
Bender: Oh, but I do!
Bender: I wanna be just... like... you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights!
Brian: You wear tights?
Andrew: No, I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.
Andrew: [short pause] Shut up!
[Vernon catches Bender playing basketball in the gym]
Bender: Don't you want to hear my excuse?
Richard Vernon: Out.
Bender: I'm thinkin' of tryin' out for a scholarship.
Bender: You're kind of sexy when you're angry.
Brian Johnson: [after Brian explains his F in shop] Did you know without trigonometry, there'd be no engineering?
Bender: Without lamps, there'd be no light.
Bender: How does one become a janitor?
Carl: You wanna be a janitor?
Bender: No, I just want to know how one becomes a janitor. Because Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.
Carl: Oh really? You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant? Serf? Peon? Well, maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you for the last 8 years, I've learned a couple of things. I look through your letters. I look through your lockers. I listen to your conversations, you don't know that but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends.
[Carl looks up at the clock and looks at his watch]
Carl: By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.
Richard Vernon: That's the last time, Bender. That the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. But someday when you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you. I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt.
Bender: You threatening me?
Richard Vernon: What are you gonna do about it? You think anyone's gonna believe you? You think anyone is gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me around here. I'm a swell guy. You're a lying sack of shit and everybody knows it. Oh, you're a tough guy. Hey c'mon. Get on your feet pal. Let's find out how tough you are. I wanna know right now how tough you are.
[offers Bender his chin]
Richard Vernon: Just take the first shot. I'm begging you, take a shot. Just one hit. Come on, that's all I need, just one swing...
[Bender pauses, staring]
Richard Vernon: That's what I thought. You're a gutless turd.
Andrew: I said, leave her alone.
Bender: You gonna make me?
Bender: You and how many of your friends?
Andrew: Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor. Anytime you're ready, pal.
Bender: Are you a virgin? I'll bet you a million dollars that you are. Let's end the suspense! Is it gonna be... a white wedding?
Claire: Why don't you just shut up?
Bender: Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth?
[Claire doesn't answer]
Bender: Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off... hoping to God your parents don't walk in?
Claire: Do you want me to puke?
Bender: Over the panties, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, Calvins in a ball on the front seat, past eleven on a school-night?
Bender: [after putting his head between Claire's legs under the table] It was an accident.
Claire Standish: You're an asshole.
Bender: Sue me.
Bender: You keep eating your hand and you're not gonna be hungry for lunch...
Bender: Claire, you wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitis of the nuts? It's pretty tasty.
Claire: No thank you.
Bender: How does he ride a bike?
Bender: Oh Claire, would you ever consider dating a guy who looked like this?
Claire: Can't you just leave me alone?
Bender: I mean even if he had a nice personality and a cool car... although you'd probably have to ride in the backseat because his nuts would ride shotgun
Andrew: Just me. Just you and me. Two hits... me hitting you, you hitting the floor. Any time you're ready, pal.
Bender: [Bender goes to hit Andrew but Andrew tackles him to the floor] I don't wanna get into this with you man.
Andrew: [Andrew lets him go and they both stand up] Why not?
Bender: Cause I'd kill you. It's real simple, I'd kill you and your fucking parents would sue me and it'd be a big mess and I don't care enough about you to bother.
Andrew: [whispers as he turns around] Chickenshit.
[Bender pulls out a switchblade and stabs into a chair]
Andrew: Let's end this right now. You don't talk to her... you don't look at her and you don't even think about her! You understand me?
Bender: [as Mr. Vernon leaves the library] That man... is a brownie hound.
Bender: You load up, you party.
Brian Johnson: Uhh, no, actually, we dress up.
Allison Reynolds: [Chews fingernails]
Bender: You keep eating your hand; you're not gonna be hungry for lunch.
Allison Reynolds: [Spits fingernail at Bender]
Bender: Oh, shit! What're we s'posed to do if we have to take a piss?
Claire Standish: Please.
Bender: If you gotta go, you gotta go.
Claire Standish: Oh my god!
Andrew: Hey, you're not urinating in here man!
Bender: Don't talk, don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.
Andrew: You whip it out and you're dead before the first drop hits the floor.
Bender: You're pretty sexy when you get angry.
Bender: Can you hear this?
[makes a middle finger pointing downwards]
Bender: Want me to turn it up?
[turns his middle finger right side up in his face]
Andrew: [standing up for Claire after she's been bullied by Bender one too many times] Let's end this right now. You don't talk to her, you don't look at her and you don't even think about her! You understand me?
Bender: [nonchalantly] I'm trying to help her.
Bender: You got any last requests before I put you out of your misery?
Echo: Yeah! Let me go.
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