Ben Morris Quotes in The Pink Jungle (1968)

Alison Duguesne: Uh! What's that?

Ben Morris: It looks like an atrocity commercial.

Ben Morris: [looking at Stopes' dead body] I don't think that's ketchup.

Sammy Ryderbeit: [entering Morris' car, holding a machine gun] Now, don't panic, men. I'm just hitchin' a ride. Rolled my car over on a back road.

Ben Morris: Did you ever think of using a thumb?

Sammy Ryderbeit: No, it's more dramatic this way. Also, it works better. Alright, you're cleared for takeoff, skipper.

Ben Morris: Uh, would you mind taking that gun out of the back of my head?

Sammy Ryderbeit: Oh. Sure. Forgot I had it. Guns make you nervous?

[Morris takes off at high speed]

Sammy Ryderbeit: I see what you mean. Your hairdo would've been all over the front of your shirt.

Ben Morris: He tried to kill me!

Sammy Ryderbeit: Now how stupid can you get? He just saved your life!

Ben Morris: Hey, hold up a minute. Sammy, where'd you put the ChapStick?

Sammy Ryderbeit: I forgot to get any.

Ben Morris: Over $2,000 for this fouled up expedition and you couldn't even buy a 35-cent ChapStick? Whadda we do now?

Sammy Ryderbeit: Stop smilin' so much.

Sammy Ryderbeit: How much you figure was in the knapsack?

Dennis McCune (incorrectly given in credits as 'Crowley'): Twenty pounds, at least.

Sammy Ryderbeit: You don't even know what he's talkin' about, do you? Diamonds measured in pounds. Diamonds are weighed by the *karat*. Five karats make a gram. Twenty-eight grams make an ounce. Five times... twenty-eight times... sixteen.

Ben Morris: Why, that's - that's something over... two thousand karats to the pound!

Alison Duguesne: And there are three of us.

Sammy Ryderbeit: There's six of us. There's two of you, and there's four of me. I used to put on shootin' exhibitions.

Ben Morris: Was that before or after you were a mercenary in the Congo, an IDB, an ivory hunter, and a major in the Peruvian air force?

Alison Duguesne: McCune will kill you if he gets a chance. You know that.

Ben Morris: Oh, I've got his gun. What can he do?

Alison Duguesne: I don't know. There's something so *deadly* about him. God knows Sammy's dangerous and unpredictable, but somehow different.

Ben Morris: Yeah, I know what you mean. If Sammy killed you, five minutes later he'd buy you a drink.

Alison Duguesne: Go on. Save yourself.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Well, what's the matter now?

Ben Morris: She needs rest.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Oh, why in hell do we have to be stuck with a woman?

Ben Morris: Well, you're not.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Go be a dead hero.

[walks off]

Alison Duguesne: Why don't you go with him?

Ben Morris: I'm an artist. I'm not supposed to be practical.

Alison Duguesne: He turned out to be predictable, after all.

Ben Morris: [sees Sammy returning] Well, not quite.

Sammy Ryderbeit: You ever tell anybody I was this big a jerk, and I'll kill you.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Now that was nice goin'. Bluffin' him with an empty gun.

Ben Morris: What do you mean, bluffing?

Sammy Ryderbeit: I can count, can't I? You were out of shells.

Ben Morris: [removes his last bullet, which is only a tube of lipstick] With Passion's Plaything, you always get your man. I photographed the original layout.

Ben Morris: You're not holding us here because you still think I'm a CIA agent?

Coronel Celaya: Ha-ha-ha! I'm sorry, no. That was an error in judgment. I'm afraid I must apologize.

Ben Morris: Well, it's about time.

Coronel Celaya: Ha! To the CIA. It is - it is gratifying to know that they are not yet scraping the bottom of the barrel. Ha-ha-ha! Ha!

[Celaya leaves, then Morris strolls off alone, and produces a radio]

Ben Morris: This is Seven Dash Seven, reporting. Are you there, Clyde?

Clyde: Roger.

Ben Morris: Operation Pink Jungle is concluded. You can scratch Ortega. The revolution has been postponed. Oh, by the way, there's a - a nut named Ryderbeit flying out of here right now on a chopper. Let him go, will ya? I could've never pulled it off without him.

Clyde: I'll send a plane.

Ben Morris: Uh, no. No, don't send a plane. Uh, Colonel Celaya might get suspicious. I may want to use this same cover story another time.

Alison Duguesne: Whose crazy idea was it to come here?

Ben Morris: Mine.

Alison Duguesne: Mister Morris, I'm a freelance model, and I get paid for working, not for waiting. I have to work in Paris in three days, and then in St. Moritz. Can't even come through Customs. Any other man would have...

Ben Morris: I'm an artist. I'm not supposed to be practical.

Alison Duguesne: Artist? Peering through a piece of glass?

Ben Morris: Wait, wait a minute, Sammy. Uh, uh, you're - you're out of touch. Here - you - who - who uses money? See? There you are: a Diner's Club, American Express, uh, Bank Americard, Shell, Carte Blanche.

Benavides: Is good! Good! All good! See?

Sammy Ryderbeit: Now wait a minute. I promised him $500 to keep his mouth shut.

Benavides: Is alright! Is okay! Is good! Good!

[writes on the credit card invoice]

Benavides: Bribe: $500.

Ben Morris: There. You see?

Benavides: Sign here!

Sammy Ryderbeit: What's a nice girl like you doin' in a place like this?

Alison Duguesne: Looking for a lost diamond mine.

Sammy Ryderbeit: You got a map?

Ben Morris: Sure. Show it to him.

Sammy Ryderbeit: What'd you pay for this thing?

Ben Morris: Ten dollars.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Aw... You got stabbed. That version sells for $5 anywhere. Here, I'll show you somethin'. Catch that.

Alison Duguesne: What is this?

Sammy Ryderbeit: Now that's a diamond. It's industrial grade. And I know where you can pick up a million dollars' worth in an afternoon.

Ben Morris: You'd be a king in the used car business.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Now, listen. This is no corny con game. These diamonds are hidden to hell and gone back in the river bed. Back in the bush. They'll run 20% gem stones. I used to be an IDB before they made it too hot for me.

Ben Morris: A what?

Sammy Ryderbeit: An illegal diamond buyer. I told you I was from Joburg, didn't I? Look, you know what a pipe is?

Ben Morris: Sure, it's the word before "dream."

Sammy Ryderbeit: Ha ha. A diamond pipe is the matrix. It's blue...

Alison Duguesne: Watch it!

Alison Duguesne: I wouldn't have missed this for anything: intrigues, mysterious meetings, millions of diamonds...

Ben Morris: Yeah, a traditional setting, too. Oh, these things always take place in a shady nightclub. Madame Lobo will be a smoldering Latin in a tight evening gown.

Ben Morris: I've been in some backward places in my life, but this one takes the prize.

Customs Agent: Then why are you here?

Ben Morris: Because they told me in New York this was the world's most primitive jungle.

Coronel Celaya: Quite true.

Ben Morris: How much for the wild orchid?

[points to the top of the truck]

Ben Morris: The wild orchid.

Figueroa: Oh! Hoh! Very rare type. But for the senorita: one dollar... if you also buy lottery ticket for one dollar.

Ben Morris: I could never resist a bargain. There you are, Sir.

Figueroa: You wish to buy a map to a lost diamond mine? Only twenty dollars.

Ben Morris: I can't afford to find a diamond mine. I'm already behind in my taxes.

Figueroa: But diamonds are very profitable.

Ben Morris: Uh, yeah. So are wild orchids at a dollar apiece. No thanks, pal, not today.

Alison Duguesne: [looking at a drunken man sleeping] As the steamship ad says: Getting there is half the fun.

Ben Morris: [examines the man's liquor bottle] You can see what he was using for fuel.

Ben Morris: Look, try to visualize it: the jungle, throbbing, mysterious, sultry, Alison Duguesne posed on a pile of leopard skins, in a blue peignoir, and - and standing behind her are two savages in breechcloths, holding poison spears.

Coronel Celaya: But why didn't you do it in New York?

Ben Morris: Use two phony savages? In a cosmetics ad?

Coronel Celaya: And what is the purpose of this fantastic venture?

Ben Morris: To sell lipstick!

Coronel Celaya: You CIA people uh, amaze me.

Ben Morris: CIA?

Coronel Celaya: That's a cover story. This is a - an insult.

Coronel Celaya: Not quite the bungler you try to appear. Ha-ha! Mr. Morris, I'm becoming rather fond of you.

Ben Morris: Well, I'm glad. I think. Now do we get our lipsticks back?

Coronel Celaya: You have my word, as one professional to another, that if at the end of the week I still haven't discovered the *real* purpose of that material, I shall not only give it back, but you may be present when I design my commission, huh?

Ben Morris: You mean someone took that diamond hokum seriously?

Sammy Ryderbeit: Seriously? What do you think I stole that helicopter for? Do I look like some kind of a kleptomaniac? $500 to bribe that pilot, and then the damned thing crashed. So now we'll just use mules.

Alison Duguesne: Oh, Ben, I'm so scared.

[hugs Ben]

Alison Duguesne: How do we get out of here?

Ben Morris: Oh, we'll think of something, but stay scared.

Coronel Celaya: Remarkable coincidence, wouldn't you say?

Ben Morris: What?

Coronel Celaya: The timing. There hasn't been an helicopter here in two months, and, and this one was unscheduled. But a man who strangely enough can fly a helicopter just happened to be right there in the jungle at that precise moment.

Ben Morris: First I'm a CIA agent and now I'm a helicopter thief!

Ben Morris: I tell ya, there's somethin' phony about him.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Hell, we saw his passport, didn't we?

Ben Morris: Sure, the passport looks fine. It's him I don't trust.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Well, I'll be.

Ben Morris: Alright, smart aleck, where'd you learn that?

Alison Duguesne: Ha-ha! I've been winning ribbons at horse shows since I was six!

Sammy Ryderbeit: Doll, you are through markin' time! You have met me and now you can start to *live*! We're gonna *find* those diamonds and we're gonna buy a yacht and sail it all the way around the world!

Ben Morris: And you deserve each other. I hope you both will always be very seasick.

Ben Morris: No, no, I mean the log.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Oh, that. I was wit' a Scottish outfit durin' the war, Jim. Two years. Regimental champion at the caber throw.

Alison Duguesne: Of course Stopes hasn't actually been to this fabulous valley of diamonds himself.

Ben Morris: But he has a map. Given to him by a dying man whose last words were "Millions! Millions!" And if we knew $2,000, we can see that map.

Ben Morris: And now, for Stopes.

Alison Duguesne: Eh, derelict Englishman, formerly an officer in the Coldstream Guards, cashiered for some scandal.

Ben Morris: Sodden with rum, brooding over a wasted life.

Alison Duguesne: There he is now.

[their waiter arrives]

Alison Duguesne: Uh, excuse me, is that Mr. Stopes?

Waiter: *Capitan* Stopes, Senorita.

Raul Ortega: Ah. Good. You have not lived till you have sipped the nectar of the gods. Lobusto is the local rum, made from the juice of one of our jungle plants. To our charming visitors.

[the visitors drink, but wince at the favor]

Alison Duguesne: Delightful. Such a delicate flavor.

Ben Morris: Great. Wonderful.

Raul Ortega: I am pleased. But I must be off. Enjoy your stay.

Alison Duguesne: Thank you.

Ben Morris: Uh, adios.

Raul Ortega: Adios, senor.

[leaves]

Ben Morris: You've got class. As well as bone structure.

Alison Duguesne: For a photographer, you are a gentleman.

[They both set their glasses down, disgustedly]

Alison Duguesne: Well, what do you think of the pitch?

Ben Morris: It's a little shopworn, but it's all there: a jungle, desert, Blackwater fever, a dying man with a map.

Alison Duguesne: Ah, you tried so hard. You hate to hurt their feelings. How do we get out of this?

Ben Morris: Well, we're supposed to take the money to Stopes' apartment tonight. We just don't go.

Sammy Ryderbeit: Shut up, and get on the mule.

Ben Morris: He hasn't even bought the yacht, and already he's Captain Bligh.

Sammy Ryderbeit: And don't you forget it.

Ben Morris: [as McCune stands and holds a gun on the team] Cut. Print. Uh, perfect cigarette commercial.

Dennis McCune (incorrectly given in credits as 'Crowley'): Woops. My idea of the fashion photographer. Maybe we oughta pose for 'im.

Ben Morris: Yeah, you'd make a great ad for Planned Parenthood.