Ben Coogan Quotes in S.O.B. (1981)

Dr. Irving Finegarten: He bought her this boat on their 14th wedding anniversary. They sailed her to Catalina. Sally flew home. I don't think Felix has been on her more than once or twice since then.

Ben Coogan: No wonder Sally wants a divorce.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Because he bought her a boat?

Ben Coogan: Well, he's only been on her once or twice since!

Dr. Irving Finegarten: On the BOAT!

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Ben, do you realize that in a matter of a few hours you have demonstrated most of your excremental bodily functions.

Ben Coogan: I haven't sneezed.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: A sneeze is expiratory, not excremental.

Tim Culley: You stay in the car.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Who stay in the car?

Tim Culley: Him. Stay in the car.

Ben Coogan: I don't wanna stay in the car.

Tim Culley: Look, we've got to be sly and stealthy, and you're too pissed.

Ben Coogan: Bullshit, I can be just as sty and slealthy as you can.

Ben Coogan: [looking at Felix's corpse with a fishing rod in his hands] What if he catches something?

Dr. Irving Finegarten: [laughs]

[Polly Reed is about to enter through the back door]

Dr. Irving Finegarten: I remember this scene in "The Thing." There was this horrible monster on the other side of the...

Ben Coogan: [distressed] Will you shut up! I swear...

[Polly Reed comes through the kitchen door]

Ben Coogan: Hi, Polly!

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Amazing coincidence! I was just talking about you.

Polly Reed: Oh, were you really, Irving?

Ben Coogan: What are we going to do with him? It?

Tim Culley: I've been thinking: a burial at sea.

Ben Coogan: Beautiful. A burial at sea.

Ben Coogan: I don't like to be a party pooper, but I get seasick.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: A-ha! The last of your excremental bodily functions! Worthy of the Guinness Book of Records.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: What is that?

Tim Culley: Sounds like someone left a faucet running.

Ben Coogan: I'm peeing!

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Into what?

Ben Coogan: My pants!

[after placing Felix's corpse in the back seat of a convertible]

Dr. Irving Finegarten: He'd be less conspicuous if he had his eyes open.

Ben Coogan: He'd be less conspicuous if he was back in his box!

Ben Coogan: [Observing Sally Miles on the set, who is acting noticeably high after Dr. Finegarten's dressing room injection] Is she gonna' be all right?

Dr. Irving Finegarten: [matter-of-factly] Well, it depends on what you mean by "all right." I once cured an amateur skydiver of acute acrophobia. Now, you could say he was all right, because he was able to jump. But you could also say he was *not* all right, because he was so stoned he neglected to open his parachute.

Ben Coogan: You know, Irving, you're a real *twat*!

Ben Coogan: [Culley, Ben and Dr. Finegarten are toasting Felix, whose corpse is seated with them at the table] To our late, great host.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: A sweet soul adrift in a sea of sour grapes.

Ben Coogan: "A sea of sour grapes"?

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Think about it.