Bart Simpson Quotes in The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Bart Simpson: [on the blackboard, in the open sequence] I will not illegally download this movie.

[Bart puts a black bra on his head]

Bart Simpson: [in the voice of a cartoon mouse] I'm the mascot of an evil corporation!

[Bart claps]

Lisa Simpson: What are you doing, Bart?

Bart Simpson: Eh, just passing the time.

[Bart claps, snow repeatedly falls on Homer]

Homer Simpson: Aw, my boy loves Alaska so much, he's applauding it. Lisa, why aren't you clapping?

Lisa Simpson: But Dad!

Homer Simpson: [sternly] Clap for Alaska!

[Lisa claps along with Bart]

Homer Simpson: [Homer is buried under an avalanche]

Bart Simpson: You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun.

Homer Simpson: What kind of fun?

Bart Simpson: How bout a dare contest?

Homer Simpson: That sounds fun. I dare you to... climb the T.V. antennae.

Bart Simpson: [Bart climbs it easily] Piece of cake.

Homer Simpson: [starts shaking the antennae] Earthquake!

[Bart falls off and hangs onto the railing]

Homer Simpson: [starts shaking the railing] Aftershock!

Ned Flanders: Uh, Homer, I don't mean to be a nervis-pervis or anything, but if he falls, couldn't that make your boy a parapleg-a-rino?

Homer Simpson: Shut up, Flanders!

Bart Simpson: Yeah, shut up, Flanders!

Homer Simpson: Well said, boy.

Russ Cargill: [levels a shotgun at Homer and Bart]

Russ Cargill: Hello, Homer.

Homer Simpson: So, we meet at last, whoever you are.

Russ Cargill: There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School, one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun, I'm going to do both right now.

Bart Simpson: Wait! But if you kill my dad, you'll never know where the treasure is buried!

Russ Cargill: What treasure?

Bart Simpson: Uhm, the treasure of Ima Wiener.

Russ Cargill: I'm a wiener?

[Homer and Bart laugh]

Homer Simpson: Classic!

Russ Cargill: Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir.

[Cargill aims the shotgun, right as he is about to fire a boulder falls on him KOing him, the camera pans up to show Maggie]

Homer Simpson: Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be!

[Maggie winks and does a hand gun at Homer]

Homer Simpson: Okay, son. You have only one chance to throw that bomb through the hole.

Bart Simpson: Dad, in case I don't make it, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my dad.

Homer Simpson: I don't blame you, son. I've never been that good of a father. Maybe it all starts with the way my father raised me. Yes, it's all clear to me. It's all just been one long, unbroken chain of...

Marge Simpson: Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!

Bart Simpson: [blushing] Did you at least bring my clothes?

Homer Simpson: Shirt, socks, everything you need.

Bart Simpson: [covering up privates] You didn't bring my pants!

Homer Simpson: Who am I, Tommy Bahama?

Bart Simpson: [face is completely red, sobs] Oh, this is the worst day of my life.

Homer Simpson: The worst day of your life so far.

Marge Simpson: Despite everything, I miss your father.

Bart Simpson: Me too... his big fat ass could shield us all.

Marge Simpson: Bart, are you drinking whiskey?

Bart Simpson: I'm troubled.

Bart Simpson: Look what I did to *your* picture!

[Bart holds up a picture of Homer, on which he has drawn Flanders-style hair, glasses and a mustache]

Homer Simpson: AHHH!

Bart Simpson: Howdily-doodily! Howdily-doodily! Howdily-doodily!

Homer Simpson: Why you little...!

[Homer begins strangling Bart]

Homer Simpson: I'll strangle-angle you!

Ned Flanders: Bart! Crawl across. Hurry.

Bart Simpson: But if they see you helping us, they'll kill you.

Ned Flanders: I'm sure your father would do the same for...

[Bart just stares at him]

Ned Flanders: Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.

Homer Simpson: All right, boy. Time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger... and back... *naked*.

Bart Simpson: How naked?

Homer Simpson: Fourth base.

Bart Simpson: But girls might see my doodle.

Homer Simpson: Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you "chicken for life". Every morning you'll wake up to "Good morning chicken!" At your wedding, I'll sing...

Homer Simpson: [clucks the wedding march] Buck-buck-bu-buck!

Homer Simpson: So, who wants waffles?

Bart Simpson, Grampa, Lisa Simpson: I do! I do! I do!

Marge Simpson: What about Grampa?

Bart Simpson: I want syrup!

Lisa Simpson: I want strawberries!

Marge Simpson: Shouldn't we be concerned about what happened in church?

Homer Simpson: I'll tell you what happened. A certain someone had a senior moment, but that's okay, because we love him anyway, and we got a free rug out of it.

[Kisses Grampa on the forehead]

Marge Simpson: What's the point of going to church every Sunday if when someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?

Grampa: I want bananas on my waffles.

Homer Simpson: I rest my case.

Homer Simpson: I'll let you hold the bomb...

Bart Simpson: The man knows me!

Lisa Simpson: [Lisa and Colin are pressing their hands against the glass] I never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this...

Bart Simpson: [sing-song] Lisa's got a boyfriend / That she'll never see again!

[Lisa cold-cocks Bart]

Bart Simpson: Boy, you made it! But how?

Santa's Little Helper: [subtitled] I did things no dog should. They will haunt me forever.

Bart Simpson: I love you too.

[the wrecking ball dings the truck Marge, Lisa and Bart are in]

Bart Simpson: Did you hear something?

Lisa Simpson: Probably just a moth.

Marge Simpson: I hope it's okay.

Bart Simpson: [drunkenly] Mom?

Marge Simpson: Yes honey?

Bart Simpson: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman.

Homer Simpson: You'll pay for ruining the golden family moment!

Marge Simpson: Homer!

Bart Simpson: How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?

Homer Simpson: Alright, son. If you don't believe me, believe in America!

Homer Simpson: Homer do good?

Bart Simpson: Actually, you've doomed us all. Again.

Bart Simpson: [drunk] I miss Flanders. There, I said it!

Bart Simpson: I want a father who's the same in the morning as he is at night. Oh... what's that word...

Todd Flanders, Rod Flanders: Consistency?

Bart Simpson: Thanks losers.

Bart Simpson: [poking mutant squirrel's eyes] Jab him-jab him-jab-jab-jab!

Male EPA Worker: Hey! Jab one more eye and it's a federal crime!

[Homer and Bart are at a table. We see an interior shot of Homer's mouth as he eats. Bart is angry]

Homer Simpson: Hey, what's with you?

Bart Simpson: You really wanna know?

Homer Simpson: Of course I do. What kind of father wouldn't care about

[sees something]

Homer Simpson: a pig wearing a hat!

[Krusty the Clown is filming a commercial]

Director: Action!

Krusty the Clown: Hey hey! It's your old pal Krusty for my new pork sandwich, the clogger! If you can find a greasier sandwich, you're in Mexico!

[He laughs and then takes a bite of the sandwich]

Krusty the Clown: Mmm!

Director: And... we're clear.

[Krusty spits out the sandwich]

Krusty the Clown: Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.

[a saw is held up to the pig. It squeals in terror]

Homer Simpson: [gasps] What? You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes!

[the pig runs across to Homer, giving him a forlorn look. To the tune of 'Happy Together', Homer briefly imagines himself and the pig dancing in a field. He picks up the pig]

Homer Simpson: You're coming home with me.

[Lisa and Colin are separated by the dome and are saying their good-byes]

Bart Simpson: [singing] Lisa's got a boyfriend, that she'll never see again!

[Lisa slugs him out]

Ned Flanders: Look at that, you can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine, and Kentucky!

Bart Simpson: Oh yeah.

Bart Simpson: Let us out! Let us out!

EPA Official: Stop that! You'll scratch your shackles!

Bart Simpson: I hope I do!

[rubs shackles on cage, a gas then enters the truck]

Lisa Simpson: Oh way to go Bart!

Bart Simpson: [drugged] You stink.

Lisa Simpson: [even more drugged] No you stink.

[they both pass out]

Bart Simpson: Dad!

Homer Simpson: What seems to be the problem, officers?

Bart Simpson: Tell them you dared me to do it!

Chief Wiggum: If that's true, then you should be taking the rap here, not your son.

Homer Simpson: And what happens to me if it's my fault?

Chief Wiggum: You'll have to attend a one hour parenting class.

Homer Simpson: It was all his idea! He's out of control I tell ya! Oh, I'm at my wit's end!

[watching the credits]

Bart Simpson: [to Homer] Come on, dad, let's go! I've been holding it since they put the dome on the town!

Bart Simpson: Lisa's got a boyfriend that she'll never see again!

Bart Simpson: What do you want, Flanders?

Bart Simpson: Why are you helping me? I'm not your kid.

Bart Simpson: So that's what snug is.

Bart Simpson: You don't know what rough is, sister.

Bart Simpson: Dad, it's not fair to use a bug-zapper to catch the fish.

Bart Simpson: I think fishing might be more fun with you.

Bart Simpson: No way, cocoa's for wusses.

Bart Simpson: Oh my God.

Bart Simpson: Are we having fun yet?

Bart Simpson: Whoa, mama!

Bart Simpson: Huh? You're not strangling me.

Bart Simpson: Hey, what the hell are you? One more time.

Bart Simpson: Oh, yeah!

Bart Simpson: Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab!

Bart Simpson: Up here.

Bart Simpson: Geronimo!

Bart Simpson: I'm troubled.

Bart Simpson: I promise, I'll stop tomorrow.

Bart Simpson: I miss Flanders. There, I said it!

Bart Simpson: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer sales man!