Barry Badrinath Quotes in Beerfest (2006)

Barry Badrinath: I wish it were winter so we could freeze it into ice blocks and skate on it and melt it in the spring time and drink it!

Barry Badrinath: I was in Thailand playing ping-pong in Ding Dang. I was in a real high stakes game in some opium den. Turns out the guys I was playing aren't the kind of guys who like to lose. After I beat 'em, they beat me. Worked me over pretty good. And this is hard to say... they held me down and shoved a ping-pong paddle up my ass. It's never been the same. Damaged goods.

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: Gosh, Barry, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I would do if someone shoved a paddle handle up my ass.

Barry Badrinath: It wasn't the handle. I've been shitting pancakes ever since.

Great Gam Gam: Mr. Badrinath... we are not so different, you and I. I've had all kinds of things shoved up my ass. I got over it. You will, too.

[puts a comforting hand on Barry's shoulder]

Great Gam Gam: You will, too.

Barry Badrinath: It's $10 for a BJ, $12 for an HJ, $15 for a ZJ...

Landfill: [Interrupting] What's a ZJ?

Barry Badrinath: If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: [Trying to persuade Landfill] I've got $4.

Barry Badrinath: Back the fuck up, Antonio! My dick!... My apologies, now 5 dollars to touch it while I touch my toes, 6 dollars to touch it while I touch your... Hey Jan and Todd... and Fink? Hey looking good, Finky!

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: You too, Barry.

Barry Badrinath: Hey Todd. About the old girlfriend. Can we bury the hatchet, buddy?

Todd Wolfhouse: I don't know.

Barry Badrinath: I mean it was a one night stand, right? I mean she wasn't even that good looking. A real dead fish, right? She just laid there and took it like a plastic fuck doll.

Todd Wolfhouse: I happened to have MARRIED that plastic fuck doll!

Barry Badrinath: [breaking the fourth wall after he had a drunken night of sex with Cherry]

Barry Badrinath: [scoffs] Come on, I knew it the whole time!

Barry Badrinath: Why don't we get you out those wet clothes, and into a dry martini.

Barry Badrinath: [after drinking Ram's piss] Oh man, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever drank.

Landfill: I doubt that very much, playboy

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I'm gonna puke! Hey guys... I don't think sitting on a rooftop drinking ram's piss is the way to go. We should get out there, and mix it up with some randoms.

Barry Badrinath: Yeah.

Landfill: Let's get bombed!

[everyone cheers]

[after sinking dozens of quarters around the bar]

Barry Badrinath: [slightly slurred] I'm better when I'm drunk!

Pim Scutney: You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are.

Steve "Fink" Finklestein: I'm sorry, one more time?

Rog Gobshire: Shove off! We're gonna put the skitters in your Alan Whickers, you plonker!

Barry Badrinath: [looking to Fink] Do you know what he's saying?

Todd Wolfhouse: This is that moment that only exists in sports - where the coach gives a speech on the jumbotrom to get the hometown fans fired up! We're the bad guys and they're the good guys, and I'll be damned if we let the good guys win!

Barry Badrinath: Uh, we're the good guys and they're the bad guys...

Barry Badrinath: [upon waking up after the first night of training, with blood all over his face, next to a deer with its throat ripped out] Oh no, not again!

Barry Badrinath: [about Great Gam Gam] All I'm saying is... that whore thing could be a real possibility. Some of my best friends are whores.

Jan Wolfhouse: We know, Barry.

Jan Wolfhouse: [Barry picked up a woman] Are you sure you want to do this?

Barry Badrinath: Are you kidding? She's hot as hell! I'm just lookin' for a little slap n' pickle.

Jan Wolfhouse: You're drunk.

Barry Badrinath: Hey... I'm drunk, you're drunk... everybody's drunk!

Barry Badrinath: [after breaking beer mug with a ping pong spike] What do you think about that, fuckhead?

Hammacher: [Takes a bite of glass from the broken mug] What do you think about that, headfuck?