Bard Quotes in Thunder Run (1986)

[after seeing the huge truck jump over a roadblock]

Bard: Ooh, I don't believe it! If you can do it, I can do it too, sucka! I can fly! Aaaaaargh!

[his car crashes]

[From trailer]

Bard: Will you have peace, or war?

Thorin Oakenshield: I will have war!

Bard: [to Thorin] You brought upon them only ruin and death.

[the night before the Elves are set to attack Erebor, Bilbo brings the Arkenstone to Thranduil's tent]

Thranduil: The King's Jewel...

Bard: And worth a King's ransom... how is this yours to give?

Bilbo Baggins: I took it as my one-fourteenth share of the treasure.

[Gandalf suppresses a smile]

Bard: Why do this? You owe us nothing.

Bilbo Baggins: I'm not doing it for you. I know that dwarves can be obstinate and pigheaded and difficult. They're suspicious and secretive, with the *worst* manners you can possibly imagine. But they are also brave and kind, and loyal to a fault. I've grown very fond of them, and I would save them if I can.

Bard: [to Thranduil after failing to negotiate with Thorin] He will give us nothing.

Thranduil: Such a pity. Still, you tried.

Bard: I do not understand. Why would he risk open war upon his kingdom?

Thranduil: [unsheathes his sword] It is fruitless to reason with a dwarf. They only understand one thing.

[Thranduil's army of Mirkwood Elves arrives in Dale]

Bard: My lord Thranduil. We did not look to see you here.

Thranduil: I heard you needed aid.

[a carriage full of food approaches and the citizens of Lake-town rush to the carriage in relief]

Bard: You have saved us. I do not know how to thank you.

Thranduil: Your gratitude is misplaced. I did not come on your behalf. I've came to reclaim something of mine.

Dain: Good morning. How are we all? I have a wee proposition, if you don't mind giving me a few moments of your time. Would you consider... JUST SODDING OFF! All ye, right now!

Bard: Stand fast!

Gandalf: Come now, Lord Dain.

Dain: Gandalf the Grey. Tell this rabble to leave or I'll water the ground with their blood.

Gandalf: There is no need for war between Dwarves, Men, and Elves. A legion of Orcs march on the mountain. Stand your army down.

Dain: I will not stand down before any elf! Not least this faithless Woodland sprite! He wishes nothing but ill upon my people! If he chooses to stand between me and my kin, I'll split his pretty head open! See if he's still smirking then!

Thranduil: He's clearly mad like his cousin.

Dain: Ya hear that, lads? We're on! Let's give these bastards a good hammering!

[Bard walks up to a destroyed entrance of Erebor]

Thorin Oakenshield: [slides into view] I am listening.

Bard: On behalf of the people of Laketown, I ask that you honor your pledge. A share of the treasure so that they might rebuild their lives.

Thorin Oakenshield: I will not trade with any man while an armed host lies before my door.

Bard: That armed host will attack this mountain if we do not come to terms.

Thorin Oakenshield: Your threats do not sway me.

Bard: [after a short pause] What of your conscience? Does it not tell you our cause is just? My people offered you help. And in return you brought upon them only ruin and death.

Thorin Oakenshield: When did the men of Laketown come to our aid but for the promise of rich reward?

Bard: A bargain was struck!

Thorin Oakenshield: A BARGAIN? What choice did we have but to barter our birthrights for blankets and food? To ransom our future in exchange for our freedom? You call that a fair trade? Tell me, Bard the dragon slayer, why should I honor such terms?

Bard: Because you gave us your word. Does that mean nothing?

[Thorin slides out of view, and sees the rest of the Company lined up behind him, looking expectant]

Thorin Oakenshield: Begone, 'ere our arrows fly!

[Bard leaves in disgust]

Bard: What news from the night watch?

Alfrid: All quiet, sir. Nothing escapes me.

Bard: Except an army of Elves, it would seem.