Azrael Quotes in Jason X (2001)

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Azrael Quotes:

  • Azrael: Aw, shit. I forgot my arm.

    Janessa: [hands him his arm] Yeah, here you go, dumbass.

    Azrael: Hi, hand.

  • [Jason slices an alien in half in an alien simulation]

    Azrael: What the hell?

    Dallas: I thought this was an alien sim.

    Azrael: Yeah, it is. Pause play.

    [Jason moves towards them]

    Azrael: I said, "pause play."

    Dallas: He's not pausing.

    Azrael: Yeah, I know that.

    [Jason stops in front of them]

    Azrael: I think we need to re-boot.

    [Jason slashes Azrael's torso from his collarbone to his abdomen]

    Azrael: That does not count as a kill.

    Dallas: [laughing] Yes, it does.

    [Jason then decapitates Dallas, his head roles to the floor]

    Dallas: Okay, screw this. Game over.

  • [Jason's frozen body falls and chops off Azrael's arm]

    Kay-Em 14: [injects Azrael] 55 cc's of ethrine. You'll be fine.

    Azrael: Fine? I'm missing my arm!

    [Kay-Em slips a bandage on the nub of his arm, drug hits him]

    Azrael: You're so pretty.

  • Azrael: No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater... than central air.

  • [Silent Bob hits Azrael in the chest with a blessed golf-club - his chest shatters, revealing black ooze]

    Azrael: But I'm a fuckin' demon.

  • [about Azrael's neutrality in the Holy Conflict]

    Jay: What are you, some kind of fucking chicken?

    Azrael: No, I was an ARTIST, STUPID! I WAS INSPIRATION! A muse has no place in battle!

    Serendipity: So after the fallen were banished to hell, God turned on those who wouldn't fight, and Azrael was sent down with the demons.

    [mockingly]

    Serendipity: Something he considers a GRAVE injustice!

    Azrael: Ah, come on! Don't tell me you NEVER questioned the judgement, Serendipity.

    Serendipity: No. It never bothered me. So you were an artist! Big deal! Elvis was an artist. But that didn't stop him from joining the service in time of war. And that's why he's The King, and you're a schmuck.

  • Azrael: Quit killing people, that's high profile.

    Loki: Oh, lighten up.

  • Azrael: Get me a... Holy Bartender.

    Bartender: Never heard of it.

    Azrael: Ahh, he doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender. You do, don't you, Muse?

    Serendipity: Don't...

    Azrael: Ahh, anybody? No?

    [Jay and Silent Bob shake their heads]

    Azrael: Well, I know how to make a Holy Bartender...

    [Azrael pulls out an MAC-11, shoots the bartender repeatedly, then laughs hysterically]

    Azrael: Get it?

    Serendipity: [restrained by the Stygian triplets who have suddenly appeared] Sweet Jesus, Azrael why?

    Rufus: Come on, demon, I wanna see you try that shit on someone who's already dead!

    Azrael: Now, now, apostle, you maintain that kind of an attitude and you and the barkeep won't be the only corpses in the room. The Christ bitch will join you.

    [referring to Bethany]

    Jay: [face lights up] Oh... wait. I get it. Holy Bartender! Ha, ha, ha!

  • Serendipity: How? That's the only thing I couldn't figure out.

    Azrael: Oh no, I've seen way too many Bond movies to know that you never reveal all the details of your plan, no matter how close you may think you are to winning.

  • Azrael: Now if I remember my protocol correctly, the powers will attempt to contact the Last Scion - which leaves us no other recourse than to eliminate her before she enters the fray. I need you three to shuffle her loose the mortal coil,

  • Bethany: [on Azrael] So he's a Muse too?

    Serendipity: Former Muse.

    [sing-song]

    Serendipity: He was kicked out...

    Azrael: Oh, by all means, tell them, Serendipity. Tell them how I was slighted by the Allmighty.

    Serendipity: You got what you deserved, you yellow shithead.

    Azrael: Ever the fucking apple polisher!

  • Bethany: But you'll be destroyed too.

    Azrael: Human, have you ever been to hell? I'd rather not exist than endure that expirence a secound longer, and if I have to drag down everyone else with me... so be it.

  • Bethany: So this is all about revenge.

    Azrael: After the first couple million years, escape from hell became my all consuming reason

  • Azrael: [to Silent Bob] Go ahead, pick it up. Call it a gift. Come on, that's it. Take a shot. Take your best fucking shot. No, I'm serious, come on, take it. Come on. Come on, bright boy.

  • Bartleby: Jesus Christ, Azrael - how'd you get out of Hell?

    Azrael: I told them I was coming up on a routine possession.

  • [cf Mallrats]

    Azrael: One side, red.

  • Gargamel: I am not obsessed with Smurfs, thank you. I simply can't stop thinking about the miserable beasts every single minute of every single day!...

    Azrael: Meow!

    Gargamel: But I need them! It's only by capturing the little wretches and extracting their happy blue essence that my magic will finally become... not infallible...

    Azrael: Meow!

    Gargamel: INVINCIBLE, yes, thank you! I shall become the most powerful wizard in all of the world!

    [Gargamel and Azreal cackle]

    Gargamel: Yeah, but you're milking it, don't milk it.

  • Gargamel: Oh, Azrael, we've come so far, yet I am haunted by the same familiar problem: how to find the Smurfs. If only I had a...

    [Azrael hacks and coughs]

    Gargamel: I'm sorry, is my thinking interrupting your vile habit? If only I had something of theirs: a drop of spittle, a fingernail, some hair even, then I could use my magic to hunt them down!

    [Azrael coughs out a hairball]

    Gargamel: Very nice. Are you done now?

    Azrael: Meow!

    [points at the hairball]

    Gargamel: I don't want to look at it! What? YUCK! WHAT?... Is that...? No. No, it can't be... it is! The tiny locks of Smurfette! Oh, sweet follicular ambrosia! Oh, sweet strands of joy... mixed with a fair amount of cat vomit.

    [holds up the hair]

  • [Gargamel gets hit by a bus]

    Azrael: Are you dead?

    [snickers]

  • Gargamel: [playing with a Smurfette puppet] "Oh, great one!" Yes, lying, deceptive, horrible little Smurfette? "After all your years of Smurfless searching, however do you expect to find us?" Oh, I'm very glad you asked, my dear! For, you see, I have a magical map, that shows me exactly where the Smurf village is! I shall now use my formidable powers to magically transport us here!

    Azrael: Oh, no...

  • Gargamel: There you are! By all means, relax here in the fresh air and the sunshine, while the missing Smurfs could be anywhere!

    Azrael: Meow!

    [points]

    Gargamel: What? Where?

  • Odile: The whole world will know the name that is Garbagesmell!

    Gargamel: Gargamel.

    Odile: With my help, the whole world will know the genius that is Gargamel!

    Azrael: Meow?

    [breaks into laughter]

Browse more character quotes from Jason X (2001)

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