Tracy Morgan quotes:

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  • I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. All of them are predators. They are dangerous but it's cool to have strong and powerful pets.

  • What you have to understand is that my thing is not glamour. I love stretch marks and C-section scars and all of that. I'm a grown man. You don't gotta put on no makeup with me.

  • Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music.

  • My life growing up was a twisted Bronx version of 'The Color Purple.' It had a much different soundtrack and no trees, but that desperation was the same.

  • People live too much of their lives on email or the Internet or text messages these days. We're losing all of our communication skills.

  • Cool is the enemy of funny. You can't be cool and be funny at the same time. Only Eddie Murphy could do that.

  • Saturday Night Live' was like a university for funny.

  • When a child is born, it's born with a heart of gold, but the way of this world can turn that heart cold. I'm still a good person, and I thank God for that - He's working with me on it.

  • It's like going to the zoo when you come to my house. I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider.

  • You will be surprised but I do a lot of studying and I watch National Geographic.

  • So I think all comedians are earning their wings into heaven. We're all going to heaven, but everybody's not going to get their wings. Some people are just going to be regular angels. Doing cleanup, janitor work. In heaven, I'm going to sit on the couch with Oprah.

  • I've still got family members living below the poverty line in New York.

  • I'm a human being. I feel all emotions. I'm not just happy all the time. Sometimes, I'm sad and feel the blues. Sometimes I even want to feel the blues. Sometimes, you want to feel down.

  • I love my mother. My mother made sure, her stubbornness - she made sure we was going to eat. She made sure we had Christmases. That was my mother. My father wasn't there for that.

  • I have the person at home, the person who has his privacy, too. Michael Jackson didn't do the moonwalk in his kitchen.

  • People bring camera phones into comedy shows and clubs and concerts, and sound bites never come out right.

  • I have friends who are black, white, purple, gay, straight, Martian, yellow, old, and young. I have friends who are animals and a few who I believe to be robots. All of them are people to me. In my mind, it's not about what you look like or what you do; it's about who you are inside.

  • If you're the kind of person who likes numbers and statistics, I'm the long shot - the Lotto Powerball winner. I'm the mutation in the DNA that makes evolution a reality. I am the new black.

  • People are just way too sensitive. You couldn't have a show like 'Archie Bunker' on TV. People would go crazy; they would lose their minds.

  • I want to be an example of a guy who made something of himself out of nothing. A guy who overcame the odds of a tough childhood, who worked hard, who didn't let his surroundings get the best of him and lead him to jail or the graveyard. Where I ended up - being a comedian, a TV star, and a movie actor - might be unique, but my story is not.

  • I don't see myself as angry, although other people see that. I just see myself as a short, dumpy guy with bad feet, and I'm passionate.

  • Stand-up is my foundation. That's where it started at. And I love it because it's personal. It's mine. It's all me. It's my experience in life.

  • My father was the role model I looked up to. My dad was an entertainer, too. I patterned my life after him. He wanted me to do better than he did. He never sold a record in his life, but to me, he was still a rock star.

  • I've gone through my trials and tribulations, and sure, it's gotten bumpy and all that, but I'm here. OK?

  • I'm glad I dropped out of high school, man. I wouldn't be where I'm at. I would have had a net. I'm glad I didn't have anything to fall back on, man, because that made me go for my dreams that much harder.

  • I deal with my sons like young men. If they have a problem with something, they come to me. I am the type of dad that will drop everything I am doing for them, and always tell them to talk to me about it.

  • I was never a big comic book fan. I was always more into the baseball cards.

  • Black people dance well because we start early - there's music being played everywhere. White people? They don't start dancing until they get to college, and by then, it's too late; the bottom don't move with the top no matter how hard they try.

  • Everybody's out to get something from somebody. 'Gold diggers' doesn't just mean money, it can mean time, it can mean feelings. It can mean anything when you're taking and not giving. When people don't know how to reciprocate.

  • You get somebody to crack a smile, that's a beautiful thing.

  • I'm human, I feel, I understand. That's the highest level of love, is understanding - when you can understand someone, when you can love them with their flaws and their faults. So I understand, I consider. I may speak the truth, but I'll consider your feelings, too.

  • Having a daughter makes you see things in a different way. You have to see how you're carrying yourself because there's a little girl. There's not a little boy, there's a little girl. I think I'm a little more overprotective.

  • For my first gig, I got $75. I could make money being funny, so I pursued it as a career and have turned it into a lucrative business.

  • There's ups and downs of any job. If you worked at the post office, there's ups and downs. You have your good days, and you have your bad days. If you're a housewife, you have your good days, and you have your bad days.

  • If you can get your life down to one minute at a time, you don't miss anything. You have total abundance of information and material.

  • Parents should support and love their kids no matter what.

  • Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day.

  • It's just, people recognize you for your work, you know? They love you for your work, and they judge you for your work. It's awesome to have people quoting you. I love it.

  • You gotta understand, my great-grandfather was German and Irish. My grandmother was Indian, and my grandfather was African-American, so we all got a little something in us.

  • I've got friends who want money but don't want to do anything to earn it.

  • We have freedom of speech, but you got to watch what you say.

  • My father was funnier than me. My father was Richard Pryor-funny. I'm just a better businessman.

  • I don't control the line of 'funny,' 'funny,' 'funny,' 'not funny.'

  • In my heart, I really don't care who you love, same sex or not; as long as you have the ability to love, that's the important thing here.

  • Some people believe everything they see on TV. People, it's called tel-lie-vision!

  • You have to give a wound time to heal and think of other people's feelings.

  • I love '30 Rock' because Tina Fey allows me to fly over the cuckoo nest once a week.

  • I'm a big, big movie fan. I watch 'The Ten Commandments' and the original 'Planet of the Apes' every night.

  • Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses.

  • When you're in the spotlight, people want to dissect you and then put you back together the way they want you.

  • Life smacks Tracy Morgan in the face, and I don't mean to talk in third party, but no, it doesn't stop raining when I come outside, no, absolutely not. I'm very in touch.

  • I guess I'm entertaining; I guess I'm interesting. I guess the things that I say sell papers. I guess they sell magazines. I don't know.

  • I do stand up sometimes out of anger. Sometimes the greatest stuff comes from a dark place.

  • I love animals, but I don't want to talk to them. I'd rather be able to talk to other people on other continents and understand them.

  • The paparazzi do what they do, man. They have a job, too.

  • My fans would love to see Brian Fellow come back. I love my fans. And they like my edge.

  • The sexiest part of a woman's body is the back of her kneecaps.

  • That's a gift God's given us: the ability to work together in collaborations.

  • I had a great time working on 'Saturday Night Live.' It was one of the important times in my life.

  • When Richard Pryor did comedy, it was like he was having a conversation.

  • I have a heart. I want people to see me with their heart and not their eyes.

  • What I have learned over the years is to try to stay in the moment. I want to feel it all because I've realized nothing lasts.

  • Having boys is different. Boys, you put sneakers on, and they're out, they're ready. Girls, you gotta pay a little bit more attention to them.

  • There's nothing in the world like live entertainment. With TV, you have to wait for your results; with live entertainment, people let you know right then and there. That relationship is established in 30 seconds. The first 30 seconds, they'll let you know whether they like you or not.

  • All women like to look up to their men.

  • All you single fathers got to man up.

  • Reality is the scary thing. Not my work, not comedy.

  • I don't get on the phone and prank people and things like that on the phone with people, no.

  • My older brother was born, who was a cripple, then I was born, and my sister was born, the only girl. So I was between the only girl and the crippled guy. I was the middle guy.

  • Rock bottom for some people is death. Some people never learn from their mistakes. They don't learn from other people's mistakes.

  • It's very important to be in your child's life and know what's going on and be there with them.

  • I know my spirit is not mean, and I have a very good spirit and a funny spirit.

  • The actors are different, although I didn't set out to be different. My inspiration came from people like Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence and Will Smith. The genre is what it is. My inspiration was drawn from great movies like 48 Hours, Bad Boys and Rush Hour.

  • Comedy clubs are sacred ground. That's where anything goes.

  • My sense of humor was a tool for me getting past my mother and father separating, my older brother having cerebral palsy, and the bullies in the schoolyard. I had to make them laugh to keep them off my ass. I brought that to my professional career.

  • Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.

  • And when I was angry, when I was younger, I was in a cocoon. Now I'm a beautiful, black butterfly.

  • I love 30 Rock because Tina Fey allows me to fly over the cuckoo nest once a week.

  • I give [Barack Obama] a 10 [on a scale of 1 to 10] because he's not God, and he inherited a couple of wars, and a financial mess.I want to see him curse somebody out on TV. You can't finesse a bull. He's gotta throw down. He's in the shark tank.

  • I just want to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, so that when I'm long gone my great-great-grandchildren can walk up to it and say, "That's my ancestor." That will be my legacy.

  • I'm around my kids every day. I'm regular. We're a regular family. My wife cooks, she washes clothes, I read books, I pump my own gas, I get my own hair cut.

  • Having a daughter makes you see things in a different way. This is my only girl. So I don't care what it takes to protect her. You can call it what you want to call it. As long as you treat her the same way I treat her, like my princess, I don't mind.

  • I spread love wherever I'm at. I'm like Marvin Gaye.

  • The things I did on Saturday Night Live are going to stay as Saturday Night Live. You've never seen Eddie Murphy do a Gumby movie. There's a lot more new material inside of me.

  • Eddie [Murphy] is an icon. He's one of the reason why I started doing comedy in the beginning. He opened a lot of doors for black people.

  • They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you should take it captive. Beat that s*** down. I've got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement with a ball gag in its mouth. Opportunity ain't even thinking about leaving my house. If you keep quiet for a second, you'll hear it whining.

  • My sense of humor is a turkey, and I pull it out of the oven and baste it in reality.

  • I don't need no stool and mike stand. I don't need all of that to be funny. I've been funny my whole life. This is a gift God gave me. I spread love wherever I'm at. I'm like Marvin Gaye.

  • Most people don't know what's happening around them because they're just speeding through life. And before they know it, they're just old. So I just try to slow it down.

  • On 'Saturday Night Live,' I never really wrote. You know, I would just - I would let the writers cast me into the show. So my strength - and I put all my energies into performance. I just couldn't deal with the rejection, you know, getting your sketches cut, and it was hard for me.

  • The truth is, I've never thought of myself as the Michael Jordan of comedy. And that's a good thing. You know why? Because I'm not. Wasn't that Richard Pryor? Yes, it was. I know what I am: I'm funny!

  • People walked out on Richard Pryor and he's the funniest man alive.

  • I think people would want to see Tracy Morgan host 'Saturday Night Live.'

  • I think the word 'pregnant' is funny.

  • I don't believe in storks. I know they don't deliver babies; they deliver pickles.

  • I would love to try action films.

  • I love working with Alec Baldwin. He's one of the five greatest actors ever to live.

  • You can't hold me to the same standard as the president or a school teacher. I'm just a comedian. My job is like Archie Bunker.

  • When you look at the artists who have come up through 'Billboard' over the years, it's incredible.

  • I'm not a child star, but you could say that I've grown up on TV. I went from being an unknown, down-and-out comic from Brooklyn and the Bronx to being a regular character on a major network comedy called 'Martin.' From there I went on to become the most notable black comic on 'Saturday Night Live' since Eddie Murphy.

  • Listen, Bruce Lee fought out of anger. That's why they call it the 'Fists of Fury.' Michael Jackson danced with fury. I do stand up out of fury. I'm not mad at anybody. I'm not mad at any human being because I'm a human being.

  • Michael's the ultimate entertainer. After Michael Jackson, it's Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, and Bruce Lee.

  • Tracy Morgan is subdued. I'm cool. I'm chilled out.

  • I was like any other inner-city kid with a chip on his shoulder because his daddy and his mommy wasn't together.

  • What am I afraid of? The IRS. That's it. I don't want those people knockin' on my door, man.

  • They say that every Jewish person is supposed to love one black person in his life. I'm glad Lorne Michaels chose me.

  • Martin Lawrence is one of my comedic heroes, and he's a genius.

  • 'Saturday Night Live' is live television. Nothing can compare to that.

  • If we all had a little bit of Michael Jackson in us, I think it would make the world a better place.

  • I come from where Mike Tyson came from. I come from right across the street from Jay-Z. I didn't have a pond in my backyard. I saw violence.

  • Comedians are the monkeys of acting. When you go to the zoo, everybody loves the monkey exhibit.

  • No one set that I ever do is the same. I mean, if I go to a comedy club, and I perform three sets, all three sets are different because anything can happen in between sets.

  • I have a pretty diverse audience, and that makes me happy - laughter is universal, and I don't differentiate between people at all. Why should I? People are people. There's no reason why one person can't relate to any other person on this planet in some way or another.

  • You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella.

  • If I gamble, I'll play roulette. My wife and I will play roulette, and that's about it. I'm not a heavy gambler.

  • There aren't a lot of guys out there keeping it real. Everybody's been branded. Everybody's been bought and sold.

  • Saturday Night Live' was the joy of my life.

  • Whatever I did on 'Saturday Night Live' is going to stay and remain on 'Saturday Night Live.'

  • White women love me 'cause of my edge. And I love white women.

  • If you can survive 'Saturday Night Live,' then you're good as far as show business is concerned.

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