Sid Waddell quotes:

The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips... you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them.

I'm a postmodern commentator, and so, in a cheeky parallel to James Joyce or James Kelman, I get to places, verbally, that are a little unusual - when I talk about Jocky Wilson and end up sounding like a Jackson Pollock of the commentary box.

When Alexander of Macedon was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer. Eric Bristow is only 27.

Golden rule of life: never underestimate your rivals.

Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.

Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.

The thing about darts is that you've got to shout. It's not like cricket where you can talk to Michael Atherton and ask him to analyse the bloody nuances. Darts does not have nuances. You've got to hurl yourself at it.

He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed.

Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a choo-choo train!

It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline.

That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.

Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out.

The thing with darts players is they have always appeared available. They don't have to live like monks. I've only ever met one dry player in 35 years.

Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!

It's a form of mental and verbal gymnastics, and one of the things that appeals to me most about commenting on darts is that no one knows exactly what I'm going to come out with next - and neither do I.

I want the little lassies who are thinking of going to a nightclub in Cardiff to stop to see what that guy's screaming for, or Grandma to put her knitting down to see why that guy's chatting about Alexander the Great. I'm after pulling in, whether it's in Manila, Beijing or whatever, the biggest possible audience.

As a kid, I was school swot, but I used to hang around the billiard halls, learning that Geordie sense of humour, mixing with low-lifes. They were the sort who'd pick your pocket and then say 'Here you are lad, here's tuppence, get yourself some chips'. I was a good rugby player, a good runner, so I fitted in at Cambridge quite easily.

I talk fast because I'm asthmatic, and I'm desperately hoping the words get out before my breath fails.

He's as cool as a prized marrow!

He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.

You can get the dart player out of the pub, but you can't get the pub out of the dart player.

Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy.

Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!

One hundred and eighty, divided by three, is one dart at a time

Steve Beaton - The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax.

Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis.

Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water-buffalo with a pea-shooter.

The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!

At various points, I've had a massive chip on me shoulder. I had fights about me accent with loads of those fellers you get from third-class public schools. They used to think I was speaking German.

That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!

When I see Steve Davis I see two letters... C S... Cue Sorceror.

William Tell could take an apple off your head, [Phil] Taylor could take out a processed pea.