Oscar Levant quotes:

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

You can't possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven's Seventh and go slow. (Oscar trying to talk his way out of a speeding ticket)

Now that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself.

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it.

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.

When I was young I looked like Al Capone, but I lacked his compassion.

An epigram is only a wisecrack that's played at Carnegie Hall.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

My last picture for Warners was Romance on the High Seas. It was Doris Day's first picture; that was before she became a virgin.

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Once he makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. - On Dwight D. Eisenhower

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

I could never have a mistress, because I couldn't bear to tell the story of my life all over again.

Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.

I played an unsympathetic part -- myself.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy.

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on

I don't like to play the piano. It makes me too attractive.

It'd be nice to please everyone but I thought it would be more interesting to have a point of view.

I'm controversial. My friends either dislike me or hate me

My psychiatrist once said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone'.

In some situations I was difficult, in odd moments impossible, in rare moments loathsome, but at my best unapproachably great.

A conductor should reconcile himself to the realization that regardless of his approach or temperament the eventual result is the same-the orchestra will hate him.

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

It's not what you are, it's what you don't become that hurts.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

George, if you had to do it all over, would you fall in love with yourself again?

So little time and so little to do.

Talent's like a baby. Wrap it up in wool and it goes to sleep.

Ballet is the fairies baseball.

I never watch the Dinah Shore show- I'm a diabetic.

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.

Self-pity - it's the only pity that counts.

[Madame Nhu was] the Sandra Dee of South Vietnam. If I were cast on a desert island with her, I would quickly make friends with the natives.

I never read bad reviews about myself, because my friends invariably tell me about them.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

I'm a concert pianist, that's a pretentious way of saying I'm unemployed at the moment.

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

When I appeared before the draft board examiner during World War II, he asked me if I thought I could kill. "I don't know about strangers," I replied, "but friends, certainly."

Debbie Reynolds is as wistful as an iron foundry.

I'm a self-made man. Who else would help?

I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.