Oliver Oliver Reed quotes:

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they'd still be brother and sister.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Yo Mama's like mustard, she spreads easy.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

Yo Mama's so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Chuck Norris CAN understand women.