Oliver Herford quotes:

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  • A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it gains a certain polish.

  • A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

  • Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

  • Darling: the popular form of address used in speaking to a member of the opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.

  • I sometimes think the Pussy-Willows grey Are Angel Kittens who have lost their way, And every Bulrush on the river bank A Cat-Tail from some lovely Cat astray.

  • Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

  • When I go abroad I always sail from Boston because it is such a pleasant place to get away from.

  • Only the young die good.

  • Modesty: the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it.

  • Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

  • Tact: to lie about others as you would have them lie about you.

  • The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

  • What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg at an electric fan.

  • Tact is to lie about others as you would have them lie about you.

  • I heard a bird sing In the dark of December A magical thing And sweet to remember. 'We are nearer to Spring Than we were in September,' I heard a bird sing In the dark of December.

  • Many are called but few get up.

  • Age, like distance lends a double charm.

  • A kiss is a course of procedure cunningly devised, for the mutual stopage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

  • A pest is a person who can talk like an encyclopedia, and does.

  • A man is known by the silence he keeps.

  • Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.

  • An epicure is one who gets nothing better than the cream of everything but cheerfully makes the best of it.

  • Some take their gold in minted mold, and some in harps thereafter, but give me mine in bubbles fine and keep the change in laughter.

  • If some people got their rights they would complain of being deprived of their wrongs.

  • The Elf and the Dormouse UNDER a toadstool crept a wee Elf, Out of the rain to shelter himself. Under the toadstool, sound asleep, Sat a big Dormouse all in a heap. Trembled the wee Elf, frightened and yet Fearing to fly away lest he get wet. To the next shelter-maybe a mile! Sudden the wee Elf smiled a wee smile. Tugged till the toadstool toppled in two. Holding it over him, gaily he flew. Soon he was safe home, dry as could be. Soon woke the Dormouse-"Good gracious me!" "Where is my toadstool?" loud he lamented. -And that's how umbrellas first were invented.

  • There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.

  • I would like to throw an egg into an electric fan.

  • There is always room at the top - after the investigation.

  • A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame and money, but even... without any hope of doing it well.

  • Song is the licensed medium for bawling in public things too silly or sacred to be uttered in ordinary speech.

  • Diplomacy is living in state.

  • Gather kittens while you may, Time brings only sorrow; And the kittens of today; Will be old cats tomorrow.

  • Diplomacy: lying in state.

  • My wife has a whim of iron

  • Children, behold the Chimpanzee: He sits on the ancestral tree From which we sprang in ages gone.

  • To babble is to make a feminine noise somewhat resembling the sound of a brook, but with less meaning.

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