Mel Smith quotes:

It's a pragmatist's business, comedy. Start off with good intentions and references to the Pompidou Centre and you end up with boiled sweets and a pantomime cow.

I never met Barbara Cartland. But now that I'm working on her life, I wish I had. I think there was a lot of pathos in it and I'm intrigued by her.

But in the UK, I've given up any hope of being considered a director.

In this film, we took a helicopter up and showed London as a vista, which is not very often done.

I directed before I was even in television; I directed in the theatre for seven years, so that was my trade anyway. But in the UK, I've given up any hope of being considered a director.

How do we get a pantomime cow on set. Jeez, the rigours of satire.

I don't think London has been given enough credit in a lot of the movies that we make here.

The funny thing is, London is an incredibly interesting city. It's very sexy and it's very different, with the Thames winding through it like a snake.