Marshall B. Rosenberg quotes:

NVC is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying conditions.

Four D's of Disconnection: 1. Diagnosis (judgment, analysis, criticism, comparison); 2. Denial of Responsibility; 3. Demand; 4. 'Deserve' oriented language.

All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions.

NVC requires us to be continually conscious of the beauty within ourselves and other people.

All people ever say is: THANK YOU (a celebration of life) and PLEASE (an opportunity to make life more wonderful).

NVC is language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving.

To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.

The more we use words that in any way imply criticism, the more difficult it is for people to stay connected to the beauty within themselves.

NVC is a way of keeping our consciousness tuned in moment by moment to the beauty within ourselves.

We can't win at somebody else's expense. We can only fully be satisfied when the other person's needs are fulfilled as well as our own.

Unless we as social change agents come from a certain kind of spirituality, we're likely to create more harm than good.

As NVC replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism. We come to perceive ourselves and others, as well as our intentions and relationships, in a new light. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized.

Children need far more than basic skills in reading, writing, and math, as important as those might be. Children also need to learn how to think for themselves, how to find meaning in what they learn, and how to work and live together.

When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving.

Also, think about your intentionality - are you getting lost in the method? or coming from the intentionality, the purpose? You don't want to do the mechanics without the consciousness.

This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately, it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language of demands.

NVC is interested in learning that is motivated by reverence for life, by a desire to learn skills, to contribute better to our own well-being and the well-being of others.

When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to.

While we may not consider the way we talk to be 'violent,' our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves.

NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need.

I think that there is a problem with rewards and consequences because in the long run, they rarely work in the ways we hope. In fact, they are likely to backfire.

Anger is a signal that you're distracted by judgmental or punitive thinking, and that some precious need of yours is being ignored.

When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.

Fear of corporal punishment obscures children's awareness of the compassion underlying the parent's demands.

When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.

Don't hate the circumstance, you may miss the blessing

We recognize that real educational reform is essential if today's and tomorrow's children are to live in a more peaceful, just, and sustainable world.

The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence. When I first read this statement, the thought, 'What nonsense!' shot through my mind before I realized that I had just made an evaluation.

If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had.

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our environment.

I believe that the most joyful and intrinsic motivation human beings have for taking any action is the desire to meet our needs and the needs of others.

Any time you throw pain at a Jackal without a clear present request, within a millisecond he'll jump in.

As soon as you say, "are you feeling X because I ..." Then the Jackal starts to salivate because he can educate the person that he's the cause of his pain.

Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.

Interpretations, criticisms, diagnoses, and judgments of others are actually alienated expressions of our unmet needs.

Teacher, school administrators and parents will come away from Life-Enriching Education with skills in language, communication, and ways of structuring the learning environment that support the development of autonomy and interdependence in the classroom.

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.

When we understand the needs that motivate our own and others behavior, we have no enemies.

Always hear the 'Yes' in the 'No'.

In NVC, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.

Never do anything that isn't play.

I find that my cultural conditioning leads me to focus attention on places where I am unlikely to get what I want. I developed NVC as a way to train my attention-to shine the light of consciousness-on places that have the potential to yield what I am seeking.

What others do may be the stimulus of our feelings, but never the cause.

Anger can be a wonderful wake up call to help you understand what you need and what you value.

In nonviolent communication, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.

All human actions are an attempt to meet needs.

Empathize with silence by listening for the feelings and needs behind it.

Empathy before education.

The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things 'because we're supposed to.

The objective of Nonviolent Communication is not to change people and their behavior in order to get our way: it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy, which will eventually fulfill everyone's needs.

Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done.

If you have an image of someone cutting off a relationship, it's the cutting off that will lead to your suffering. If you see the action as their need being expressed, then the message is within them, not you. Any interpretation you put onto another person's message (such as passive-aggressive, withholding, etc.), you will pay for because of how you took it.

As radical as it may seem, it is possible to do things only out of play. I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life- motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment- to that degree are we being compassionate with ourselves.

At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.

Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

Ask before offering advice or reassurance.

Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.

An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves-the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.

NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.

When we make mistakes, we can use the process of NVC mourning and self-forgiveness to show us where we can grow instead of getting caught up in moralistic self-judgments.

We use NVC to evaluate ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred.

Public education for some time has been heavily focused on what curricula we believe will be helpful to students. Life-Enriching Education is based on the premise that the relationship between teachers and students, the relationships of students with one another, and the relationships of students to what they are learning are equally important in preparing students for the future.

Compliments and praise, for their part, are tragic expressions of fulfilled needs

Getting in touch with unmet needs is important to the healing process.

When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need.

They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need.

Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met.

Any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Tragic, first because it decreases our likelihood of getting our need met! Even if we think it. And secondly, because it increases the likelihood of violence. That's why I'm suggesting any evaluation which implies rightness or wrongness is a tragic, suicidal expression of an unmet need. Say the need! Learn a need-consciousness.

Violence in any form is a tragic expression of our unmet needs.

Use anger as a wake-up call to unmet needs.

All moralistic judgments, whether positive or negative, are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

Criticism, analysis, and insults are tragic expressions of unmet needs.

Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human being.

As we learn to speak from the heart we are changing the habits of a lifetime.

A difficult message to hear is an opportunity to enrich someone's life.

A need is life seeking expression within us.

A respectful understanding of another's experience.

A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask, "Is there more that you wanted to say"?

Always listen to what people need rather than what they are thinking about us.

Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values

Anger tells us we've disconnected from life. The purpose in anger is to use it to come back to life.

Anger, depression, guilt, and shame are the product of the thinking that is at the base of violence on our planet.

As long as I think I 'should' do it, I'll resist it, even if I want very much to do it.

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.

Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself!

Be very slow to go into looking for solutions.

Before we tackle the gangs and the basic story, we have to make sure that we have liberated ourselves from how we have been educated and make sure we are coming from a spirituality of our own choosing.

Behind intimidating messages are simply people appealing to us to meet their needs.

Blaming and punishing others are superficial expressions of anger.

Classifying and judging people promotes violence.

Clinical training in psychoanalysis has a deficit. It teaches how to sit and think about what a person is saying and how to interpret it intellectually, but not how to be fully present to this person.

Conventional compliments often take the form of judgments however positive, and are sometimes offered to manipulate the behavior of others. NVC encourages the expression of appreciation solely for celebration.

Depression is the reward we get for being 'good'.

Don't get addicted to your requests. Your objective is needs, not requests. Because then it becomes a demand.

Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person.

Empathizing with someone's 'no' protects us from taking it personally.

Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move forward.

Empathy gives you the ability to enjoy another person's pain.

Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.

Empathy lies in our ability to be present without opinion.

Empathy: Emptying our mind and listening with our whole being

Enemy images are the main reason conflicts don't get resolved.

Every message, regardless of form or content, is an expression of a need.

Every moment each human being is doing the best we know at that moment to meet our needs. We never do anything that is not in the service of a need, there is no conflict on our planet at the level of needs. We all have the same needs. The problem is in strategies for meeting the needs.

Every time I mess up is a chance to practice.

Everything we do is in service of our needs. When this one concept is applied to our view of others, we'll see that we have no real enemies, that what others do to us is the best possible thing they know to do to get their needs met.

Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.

Fear of punishment diminishes self-esteem and goodwill.

Fix-it jackals can't wait to fix it, because they don't know how to enjoy pain. And until you learn how to enjoy pain, you can't enjoy intimacy.

Get very clear about the kind of world we would like and then start living that way.

Have you ever been surfing? Imagine you're on your surfboard now, waiting for the big one to come. Get ready to get carried with that energy. Now, here it comes. That's empathy. No words - just being with that energy. When I connect with what's alive in another person, I have feelings similar to when I'm surfing.

How I choose to look at any situation will greatly affect whether I have the power to change it or make matters worse.

However impressed we may be with NVC concepts, it is only through practice and application that our lives are transformed.

I don't think you can have an authentic connection when one person is diagnosing the other.

I have tried to integrate the spirituality into the training in a way that meets my need not to destroy the beauty of it through abstract philosophizing.

I never have to worry about another person's response, only how I react to what they say.

I recommend allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before turning our attention to solutions or requests for relief. When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs; instead, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to fix their problem. Furthermore, an initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related - and often more powerful - feelings.