Keith Waterhouse quotes:

Life is a campus: in a Greenwich Village bookstore, looking for a New Yorker collection, I asked of an earnest-looking assistant where I might find the humour section. Peering over her granny glasses, she enquired, "Humour studies would that be, sir?

Lying in bed, I abandoned the facts again and was back in Ambrosia.

Trying to keep up with current slang sucks.

I turn over a new leaf every day. But the blots show through.

Ninety-five percent of all statistics, including this one, are bogus.

The 50s face was angry, the 60s face was well-fed, the 70s face was foxy. Perhaps it was the right expression: there was a lot to be wary about.

A consultation process is what some authority sets in motion preparatory to doing what it intended all along.

I cannot bring myself to vote for a woman who has been voice-trained to speak to me as though my dog has just died.

Never look to politicians to solve your problems, they will only create new ones.

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers, Society of, The?

The longer an event is anticipated-a milestone birthday, an eclipse, a new millennium-the more likely it is to be an anti-climax.