Josh Stern quotes:

There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident

Dr. Suess said: 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened..' I tell my dates: 'Don't cry because it happened, smile because it's over

Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth

Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort

To end any sort of conflict, environmentalists as a whole, should cut off their legs so they don't leave any kind of footprint

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

Treat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose.... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty win

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

Maturity is when you no longer get the urge to make snow angels in mud season

Never be paralyzed by fear, just by falling off a cliff

It's always darkest before you're blinded by the light

I might feel ten feet tall, but I wouldn't touch you with my pole

Some Women have this thermogenic effect on you, even after they've left, you can still breathe her scent, feel her electricity & be stunned

If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....

I wanted to marry the first girl that I fell in love with, but there were religious differences. I was an agnostic and she was a Polycarbonate"

I wanted to marry the first girl that I fell in love with, but there were religious differences. I was an agnostic and she was a Polycarbonate

I hate cutting my wrists while shaving

The true genius of a Woman is her subtle flair in creating the illusion that you are the smart one

Everything is a drive-thru. You just have to aim really fast

When it comes to relationships, I find it best to have two feet out the door

Women need a reason to have sex, while men just need an angle

Loving someone is sticking a pin through a voodoo doll and not hitting any vital organs

If bliss are a type of potato, then ignorance can be french-fried

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

I hate pulling out... I mean, I'm really bad at the whole parking thing....

If you love somebody set them free- it also works equally well if you hate somebody

I'm playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers, that's why I always lose

If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working

Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

When she says 'I've never done this before" she just means with you

It's one thing if your hobby is to put ships inside a bottle, but a deer in the headlights!... That's a real talent

I started to enjoy the regal sport of cockfighting... but I'm still having trouble getting the hang of windmilling the bayonet

Life is a very brief candle especially when you burn it at both ends

Never borrow trouble, the payback's a bitch

It's not that I'm ahead of my time, it's more that the world is running late

Women, can't live with them, can't murder/suicide without them

Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what