George Ade quotes:

After being Turned Down by numerous Publishers, he had decided to write for Posterity.

One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.

The music teacher came twice a week to bridge the awful gap between Dorothy and Chopin.

Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.

It is not time for mirth and laughter, the cold, gray dawn of the morning after.

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.

To insure peace of mind ignore the rules and regulations.

The time to enjoy a European trip is about three weeks after unpacking.

A man never feels more important than when he receives a telegram containing more than ten words.

Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for anyone who wishes to become acquainted with our most prominent and influential people.

As the twig is bent the tree is inclined.

If a man does not go about his work with enthusiasm, it means that he has not yet found a work that he likes. Every mortal is a busy bee when he comes to the task that Destiny has set aside for him.

For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver.

Where ignorance is not bliss, get wise!

A bird in the hand may be worth two in the bush, but remember also that a bird in the hand is a positive embarrassment to one not in the poultry business.

Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of entertainment.

If you have to be burned at the stake, be a good fellow and collect your own fire-wood.

Never pretend to have money except when you are in straits. The poor man who pretends to have a bank account betters his credit and takes no risk. But the prosperous individual who counts his money in the street, forthwith will be invited to attend a charity bazaar.

"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.

A lot of smart young people have come out of Indiana. The smarter they are, the faster they come out

Do not give alms promiscuously. Select the unworthy poor and make them happy. To give to the deserving is a duty, but to help the improvident, drinking class is clear generosity, so that the donor has a right to be warmed by a selfish pride and count on a most flattering obituary.

Opportunity knocks once at every man's door and then keeps on knocking.

Life is a series of relapses and recoveries.

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

A good jolly is worth what you pay for it.

Only the more rugged mortals should attempt to keep up with current literature.

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

A good musical comedy consists largely of disorderly conduct occassionally interrupted by talk.

A rolling stone gathers no moss and therefore will not be derided as a moss-back. Roll as much as possible.

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but would not cost half as much during the winter months.

Adversity often hatches out the true nobility of character.

Always interline a contract before signing it, merely to impress the Party of the First Part. The one who puts his signature to Articles of Agreement drawn up by the other fellow is establishing a dangerous precedent.

Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home for wearing what you like.

Early to bed and early to rise, and you'll meet very few of the best people.

Even the elders can give a number of helpful hints.

Every man is the architect of his own fortunes, but the neighbors superintend the construction.

Familiarity breeds contentment.

Give the people what they think they want.

I am thoroughly tired of the fable style of narrative and shall do my best to get up something entirely different and possibly little more worthy.

I got the breaks. Starting from nowhere in the corn belt, I helped edit a country weekly, then was jack-of-all-departments on an obscure daily, so that when I arrived in a big city everything I tackled in the line of column conducting and syndicate peddling and playwriting had to bring promotion, because I had no social standing which could be endangered, no reputation to toss away and no pride which might suffer a setback. Everything I acquired had to be velvet. You cannot lose your silver spoon if you are brought up on pewter.

In scattering seeds of kindness, do it by hand and not by machine.

In uplifting, get underneath.

It isn't how long you stick around but what you put over while you are here.

Mark Twain on George Ade's writing: I have been reading him [Ade] again, and my admiration overflows all limits. How effortless the limning! It is as if the work did itself, without help of the master's hand.

Moral: It all depends.

One cannot rest except after steady practice.

One smell of brimstone makes the whole world kin.

Only the more rugged mortals should attempt to keep up with current literature

Scatter seeds of kindness.

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

The first sign of extravagance is to buy trousers that one does not need.

The higher they fly the harder they fall.

The only city people are those born so.

The only literary men are those who have to work at it.

The serpent is helpless unless he finds an apple to work with.

The shorter the hours, the larger the income. Don't get into the habit of putting in long hours or you may be set down into a permanent subordinate position.

The wealthy have nothing left except money.

Those having the most time to devote to a line of endeavor usually become the most proficient.

Those who are entitled to it get it sooner or later.

Those who have tried meekness know the importance of being important.

Too many trained nurses discommode Cupid.

When Wealth walks in at the Door, the Press Agent comes in through the Window.

Never try to get into society, so-called. Those who try seldom get in, and if they do edge through the portals they always feel clammy and unworthy when under the scrutiny of the elect. Sit outside and appear indifferent, and after a while they may sent for you. If not, it will be money in your pocket.

Moral: Don't try to Account for Anything.