Franklin P. Adams quotes:

Prohibition is an awful flop. We like it. It can't stop what it's meant to stop. We like it. It's left a trail of graft and slime It don't prohibit worth a dime It's filled our land with vice and crime, Nevertheless, we're for it.

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.

Life, lift the full goblet--away with all sorrow-- The circle of friendship what freedom would sever? To-day is our own, and a fig for to-morrow-- Here's to the Fourth and our country forever.

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.

As we see censorship it is a stupid giant traffic policeman answering "Yes" to "Am I my brother's copper?" He guards a one-way street and his semaphore has four signs, all marked "stop.

There must be a day or two in a man's life when he is the precise age for something important.

Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody.

These are the saddest of possible words, Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance. Trio of Bear Cubs fleeter than birds, Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance. Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble, Making a Giant hit into a double, Words that are weighty with nothing but trouble, Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance. This brief poem, immortalized the Chicago Cubs' double-play combination: Shortstop Joe Tinker, second baseman Johnny Evers, and first baseman Frank Chance.

Too much truth is uncouth.

I am easily influenced. Compared with me a weather vane is Gibraltar.

To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.

Conscience: A small, still voice that makes minority reports.

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

There are hundreds who can stand failure to one who can stand success; the good loser is far more common than the good winner.

Accustomed as I am to public speaking, I know the futility of it.

In the order named, these are the hardest to control: Wine, Women, and Song.

The best bet you get is an even break.

Count the day won, when the earth, turning on its axis, imposes no additional taxes

We have nothing in our history or position to invite aggression; we have everything to beckon us to the cultivation of relations of peace and amity with all nations.

Nobody can write such ironic things unless he has a deep sense of injustice-injustice to those members of the race who are victims of the stupid, the pretentious and the hypocritical.

Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.

Money isn't everything, but lack of money isn't anything.

Having imagination, it takes you an hour to write a paragraph that, if you were unimaginative, would take you only a minute. Or you might not write the paragraph at all.

One man's pointlessness is another's barbed satire.

I hate the pollyanna pest who says that all is for the best.

There are plenty of good five cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter.

The best part of the fiction in many novels is the notice that the characters are imaginary.

The trouble with this country is that there are too many politicians who believe, with a conviction based on experience, that you can fool all of the people all of the time.

You do not know what you can miss before you try.

When the political columnists say 'Every thinking man' they mean themselves, and when candidates appeal to 'Every intelligent voter' they mean everybody who is going to vote for them

Our notion of an optimist is a man who knowing that each year was worse than the preceding, thinks next year will be better. And a pessimist is a man who knows the next year can't be worse than the last one.

Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them.

And of all glad words of prose or rhyme, The gladdest are Act while there yet is time

Day after day, night after night, my life at home is far from bright, but even home has more variety, than I can find in cafe society.

Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.

The best part of the fiction in many novels is the notice that the characters are purely imaginary.

There is no accounting for tastes, as the woman said when someone told her her son was wanted by the police.

While the work or play is on, it is a lot of fun if while you are doing one you don't constantly feel that you ought to be doing the other.

An extravagance is something you buy which is no earthly use to your wife.

If, my dear, you seek to slumber; Count of stars an endless number; If you will continue wakeful; Count the drops that make a lakeful; Then if vigilance yet above you Hover, Count the times I love you; And if slumber sill repel you Count the times I do not tell you.

Chaos breeds life, while order breeds success.

When a man you like switches from what he said a year ago, or 4 years ago, he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough to change his mind with changing conditions. When a man you don't like does it, he is a liar who has broken his promises.

Remember how excited you were when you turned five years old. Today, you should be 10 times that excited. Happy 50th birthday!

The rich man has his motorcar, His country and his town estate, He smokes a fifty-cent cigar And jeers at Fate. He frivols through the livelong day, He knows not Poverty, her pinch. His lot seems light, his heart seems gay; He has a cinch. Yet though my lamp burns low and dim, Though I must slave for livelihood- Think you that I would change with him? You bet I would!

Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to.

Christmas is over and Business is Business.

If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.

We deny that it is fun to be saving. It is fun to be prodigal. Go to the butterfly, thou parsimonious sluggard; consider her ways and get wise.

Drinking is bad taste but tastes good.